Transman wants to join lesbian group...

I’d suspect a Trojan horse personally.

I think you’ve arrived at the right stance. Id include her under the conditions that she was supportive of the group members and goals. Telling hereNo one here wants to be in a relationship with a man or someone who doesn’t want to be a woman, so you need to acknowledge and accept your femaleness. We won’t call you he- if you want to be called he then this is the wrong group. It’s a womens group.
you might need to add that anyone who tells a transwoman about this group is instantly barred.
if someone applied for a job as accountant and you thought they were culturally an amazing fit for your organisation, then they started and said I don’t do accounting… you’d have to let them go immediately. If you had a bunch of 10 year old girls who met to play Lego, and another girl was really sad she wasn’t invited so they invited her, then she came and cracked the sads they wouldn’t play barbie with her, you’d not invite her again.

Thank you. I’ve only come across it in my daughter’s age group, where I’d guess it’s more prevalent, but it’s interesting to hear from a different perspective..

I don't think it's a generational thing - plenty of middle aged lesbians also date transmen. (I am a lesbian.)

This is such an important point so thank you for making it.

Such a pity that hse has likely been encouraged down an irrevocable path and possible is beginning to realise the mistake. The Lesbian group is likely their only support now.

As well as working out how she found out about the group, and why she thought it was ok to turn up without introduction, I think my big concern would be that she's looking to 'detransition' and seeking a support group, you could all very well find your whole focus turned to supporting her.

It's a private group so you don't have to welcome her, it's up to you all, but definitely don't say yes out of pity or some misguided notion that you can all help her accept herself again, because it will almost certainly destroy the group.

A lot might depend on her age as well. I think it’s relatively common and accepted among young lesbians that some of them will date girls who identify as transboys/men.

So this approach may be innocent, but equally may not.

Glad to hear your group are looking into how she found out about your meeting. I hope it can be sorted out without any further trauma. I’m not a lesbian, but my daughter is. There are many young lesbians who seem to decide that it’s easier to transition so they can claim they are straight than face life as a lesbian, which is horribly sad. There are few enough lesbians to start with.

Interesting one.

It wouldn't bother me to have a bio female in a lesbian group.

He must be questioning the transition if he wants to join.

Maybe he feels like he is too far into the transition to go back to having a female name and pronouns, but doesn't know you well enough yet to explain it all.

You can't waltz into a group uninvited and demand that members call you something you aren't (he/him).

But really as pps have said, the bigger concern is how she found out about the secret group. Has it been infiltrated, is it still secure, is there a risk of doxxing?

I would be worried about what her agenda is. Why does she want to gain entry to a group specifically for a type of person she says she is not? Will she try to shut you down if you don't let her in? If you do, will she want to "educate" you? What impact will that have on individual members, and the group dynamic? How will she react when members correctly sex her?

The whole thing smells weird to me.

And?

I'd say she is a biological woman who is attracted to women, so should be included. The argument is that transwomen should use male groups/facilities, the other side of the coin is that transwomen use women's facilities (if they wish).
But I'm not a lesbian, so obviously I'm not invested in the same way.

Apologies if you just wanted answers from lesbians, OP! I hadn't RTFT or your post properly.

Although, in this specific instance I don't think it's the person's sexuality or gender that matters so much as their intent and actions.

I’m sadden to read rejection of the woman that identified as male. I don’t know whether she is still on medication or into the ideology, but many detransitioners will be like her. Facial hair and voice changed are irreversible. I follow Scott Newgent and she has no breast, going bold, a damaged arm and lots of health problems because of the irreversible nature of these drugs and surgeries. She happens to have a male name, so do at least four of my closest friends.

So, i will not consider her a man as I don’t believe in gender, but it might depend on her attitude more than her presentation for me to say no to a group.

homophobia very alive and well In stonewall and the whole gender ideology movement. Wasn’t it the head of stonewall, an organisation which allegedly supports lesbians, who stated that lesbians who refused to date males were ‘sexual racists’?

She turned up unannounced. I wasn't there. It's an invitation-only group that publicises its meetings on what was thought to be a secure SM account. ... Investigations have begun to find out how she got hold of the group's details. It's a closed group and supposed to be secure.

This person's gender identity is less important than all of this, I'd say.

How did they find out about it? Why are they turning up at a group uninvited? Did they know it's supposed to be invite-only?

Urging caution here - it seems very odd and I'd be suspicious of the motives of anyone turning up uninvited at a non-publicised group.

You are very knowledgeable for someone whose posting history apparently started only yesterday.

It’s alive and well on MN.

Which part are you misperceiving as homophobic? As non was written with any homophobic basis in mind.
Not was any 'joke' included

Is this a joke? A really really bad, homophobic one? Ffs.

Could the group just be redefined as a group for same sex attracted cis (as much as I hate to have to use that word) gendered women? Then that eliminates all issues of what way a trans person has moved from and to and they are now ineligible not (or no longer) being a cos woman?

Though on the other hand, and a genuine question, how much does an effeminate trans man differ really from a butch lesbian? As op did state earlier some of the butch group members pass better than the trans man does.

Not welcome, because they remain a man and lesbians are same sex attracted not same gender.

It’s not up for a debate. She is a biological woman.