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Original poster

Please help me understand. He/Him pronouns but female presenting?

28 replies

TraceyTheHamster · 23/11/2022 08:50

Hello all,

I'm going to preference this by saying I’m about to go into work so might not be able to reply for a while.

Recently found out that DD wants to be known by a male name, use male pronouns but is still presenting very female. I’m not trying to say that there is a right or wrong way to look female at all (god now I’ve typed it, it sounds awful)… but what I mean is there’s no attempt to look like a male?

Two of DDs friends are the same. New male names, he/him pronouns but no change in how they present… leggings, high heels make up…

Again - now I’ve typed it, it looks awful! I promise im not an old hag who thinks woman must wear dresses and men can’t, but im trying to be supportive and don’t understand how this doesn’t trigger their dysphoria?

please help? Weve just found out she’s been socially transitioned at school for about two months. She’s 16.

I just don’t know where to go from here?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 23/11/2022 09:40

Are they just jumping on the bandwagon and trying to catch people out for misgendering them even though they look like women?

Notanotherone6 · 23/11/2022 09:35

Same here. My 18 year old wants to use he/him pronouns and has chosen a male name. She's been this way for a few years. She isn't massively feminine in the way she dressed but she wears skirts and dresses, flowery tops, nail varnish, jewellery, pink stuff etc. Her argument is that boys can wear this stuff, and, whilst I agree, it just doesn't sit right with me.

She's also autistic so I mostly ignore it and put it down as a symptom of her disability. I don't call her by her male name or use male pronouns, although I try to avoid using names and pronouns altogether.

If my daughter was neurotypical, I wouldn't pander to any of that bollocks at all. Not a chance that three friends are all genuinely transgender.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 23/11/2022 09:01

Pronouns are the least of your worries OP. There's so much to unpick with this - fortunately there's a lot of advice now for parents with children experimenting in this way. Re the school - the Head of Ofsted said yesterday that schools should NOT be transitioning children in secret from parents - that's a safeguarding issue. Here's a knowledgeable article about the hazards from Transgender Trend

www.transgendertrend.com/teenager-says-theyre-transgender/

So much of this depends on whether your daughter's just doing what teenagers do - experimenting and role playing - a phase & all a natural part of growing up. The challenge is to ensure that she doesn't get caught up with the dodgy groups directing her towards a lifetime of drugs and surgery and so it's important that you find out just what the school are doing. Sadly there are some schools irresponsibly involving children with dubious organisations like GIRES, Gendered Intelligence, Mermaids.

What do you think this is about for her?