What have people done when asked pronouns? (but are not trans ideologists)

And if they don't tell you which to use?

I would use the name they suggested

But pronouns isn't a personal thing - it's a societal : linguistic convention based on sex

If we could I would argue that all pronouns should be they them to de-emphasise sex but that's a separate debate

if someone didn't feel comfortable sharing their pronouns that's absoluetly fine, obviously. They would be referred to as they/them.

If their pronouns were they/them, that's what they would have told you to use.

'More likely' maybe, but I wouldn't be so arrogant (to use midgetastic's word) as to assume how they would like to be referred.

If in a situation where you're asking/asked pronouns, why wouldn't you default to they/them if someone chooses not to share?

Because 'they' assumes adherence to gender ideology.

I would suggest to you that anyone who declines to share their pronouns when asked would be far more likely to fall into my category (4) in my previous post, than to be someone who was confused about their gender identity or hasn't decided yet.

Seems really rude that you would be so arrogant that you would expect to dictate that people do not use normal convention when talking about you

Yes I agree, except there's another option that isn't (1) 'give correct pronouns' and (2) 'try to be funny/troll' - which is (3) 'explain why you disagree with the ideology and why it makes you feel uncomfortable'.

And then there's also (4) 'remain silent on the subject out of fear of retribution/ cancelation/ losing your job'

My order of preference would be 3, 4, 1, 2

I think if I was in the workplace I'd definitely say She/he/they if asked. Call me what you want pal.

I play a contact sport and we do this in that situation (yes it's mixed and has been for the almost decade I've played it). I work in the utilities industry and I volunteer in community groups.

If in a situation where you're asking/asked pronouns, why wouldn't you default to they/them if someone chooses not to share? Seems really rude to just guess how they would prefer to be addressed or spoken about?

Or volunteer in?

In the places I've worked and the groups I've volutneered for, if someone didn't feel comfortable sharing their pronouns that's absoluetly fine, obviously. They would be referred to as they/them.

really? The default is they rather than he/she?

What industry do you work in?

These replies are so interesting, but then I've never encountered such strong views on other people's gender until I joined Mumsnet (I'm firmly in my 30's so that's not from lack of life experience).

In the places I've worked and the groups I've volutneered for, if someone didn't feel comfortable sharing their pronouns that's absoluetly fine, obviously. They would be referred to as they/them. It's no drama, just polite.

But what are my correct pronouns?

I always use "I" or "me" to refer to myself. Are those my correct pronouns?

Other people seem to prefer to use "you" when talking to me. If pronouns are for other people to use then is this what I should tell them in my signature?

Easier for who though?

Not easier for me as I don't know what they are if not sex based -

Not easier for any female who does not want to suffer from the inevitable downgrading that occurs for one sex when sex is emphasised

I have a very good idea what gender dysmorphia feels like and I think pronouns announcing is harmful to people like me - people who lived through it and found a way to cope that doesn't require surgery and hormones - ie coping without self harming

But pronoun announcing sets off those bad feelings

For someone like me it feels like eugenics in action - let's press all your fears until you feel so crap that you want to take a razor blade to yourself to try and make it better

You really cannot imagine the level of hilarity that would ensue if I was to ask for pronouns in any circle of my peers work or socially.

It gives me the rage. I just said people are free to look at me, or look at my name (Anna) and make their best guess as never in my entire 30 something years has anyone ever got it wrong nor would I care if they did. I'm obviously a woman. I'm a civil servant and I feel like it didn't go down well.

It would be easier for everyone

Who is everyone?

After working for 30 years in various industries I have not once been asked my pronouns and I cannot think why it would be necessary.

Exactly. So a Male's pronouns would be He/Him and a Female's would be She/Her no matter how they identify. It's giving incorrect pronouns for your sex that has got us in this mess in the first place.

I don't / won't give mine and I'm neither trying to be funny or a troll!

Always find this topic so fascinating. Especially as a multilingual.

There are languages where the pronouns he/she/it have a single word only corresponding to all. There are languages where sex and gender are not two separate words, just one word.

Would love to know how these conversations go all around the world.

@MargaritaPie why? It's obvious in normal society - not this weird society that a minority keep trying to create - that I'm a woman.

I just smile widely and say guess, when they guess she/her I say bingo.

It would be easier for everyone if you just give your correct pronouns instead of trying to be funny or a troll.

One was at a parent/teacher meeting with my daughter, it went something like this:

Me- yes DD really loves Spanish, it's their favourite subject

Teacher- yes they consistently get high marks in vocab tests. You're doing really well [name], keep it up!

(Really badly paraphrased because I can't actually remember how it went, but honestly if you're living in this world it happens frequently)

I’m grammar-neutral so I don’t like to be constrained. I prefer to use nouns. My noun is [name].