What have people done when asked pronouns? (but are not trans ideologists)

"I don't think it's that mentally healthy to encourage people to think being 'misgendered' or having the wrong pronouns used about you is offensive. It's not. If you can't cope with that then adult life is going to be tough."

I agree but we all know that the real issue for certain people is that others are actually using the correct pronouns for their sex rather than the incorrect pronouns. Whether by accident or not, it's a reminder that they will never change sex.

Most people don't care about being misgendered or even mis-sexed in written or verbal communication. I certainly don't and I have had the experience of being misgendered repeatedly in my daily life as I interact with people all around the world in my job.

I don't think it's that mentally healthy to encourage people to think being 'misgendered' or having the wrong pronouns used about you is offensive. It's not. If you can't cope with that then adult life is going to be tough.

You also can't force other people to see you as a sex you're not (or indeed anything else not based in reality- I'd love to have red hair but I can't force people to say I do when I don't). That's where the idea of 'misgendering' as offensive comes from.

Imagine the amount of time that'll be wasted by much needed foreign doctors and nurses if 'misgendering' becomes a crime. Do people want medical care or correct pronoun usage?

Yes, I often read letters from foreign born doctors, he/she seem to be used at random, sometimes patients change sex several times in the same letter.

Luckily none of my patients care about this flagrant 'misgendering'.

This could all be solved if we go back to the good old days- my name is Mrs Aveline. My name is Mr So-and-so. Miss. Ms? No pronoun addition required!

As a husband and supporter of a feminist wife and two feminist daughters I’ve decided as I’m in my late 50’s to play the misogynistic Joker card.

so “what gender am I” sorry I don’t understand gender. What do you mean?

then I can have hours of fun. Recent exchange condensed (but real words used)

wow so you are telling me to blokes can become women and have children.

long silence… well actually no no, only certain females can have babies.

no idea what you have just said. Can women have babies?
answer - only certain women

me; cool do we call then women then

Increasingly feeling i simply cannot be arsed doing this for the benefit of other professionals in the NHS - I don't give a shit if HR give me a badge or not. Would probably happily do it in 1:1 with a real patient or person who i thought would appreciate me meeting them halfway.

I'm still waiting for the answer as to how we know what our pronouns are if they are not sex based but instead depend on the meaning of the words women and man

www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/learningenglish/language/theenglishwespeak/2011/01/110125_tews_3_tastic_page.shtml

I embrace language change when it adds to the richness of the language. Not so much when people want to take perfectly good woods and change their meaning to something they can't even define.

Should we make a fuss if a male she/her wants to use the women's toilets? What about if a male she/her wants to swim against us is competitions? What about if a she/her who has raped women gets put in women's prison?

At what point does making a fuss become appropriate?

Because for me it's appropriate to make a fuss at the very top of that slope. At the point when pronouns are asked in business meetings. That's when I start making a fuss.

woketastic! Haa I've not heard that phrase but it sounds like a tangfastic.

No, the default pronouns in English are sex based.

In English, 'they/them' is used when you don't know the sex of the person you are referring to, which is rare.

Using 'they/them' for people who haven't told you 'their pronouns' is woketastic virtue signalling.

I've never been directly asked but my planned written response is:

'I do not mind which third person pronouns you use for me - sex or gender based (or something else entirely). However please do consider the needs of those who are disabled, non-neurotypical or non-native English speakers when using pronouns as many people struggle with anything outside of normal sex-based third person English pronoun usage. However, I do not mind which pronouns you use as I want to respect your comfort and ease of communication.

I used sex-based pronouns as per normal usage.

If particularly required by an individual to use neutral gender-based pronouns they/ their my response will depend on whether I am accorded mutual respect and consideration, or whether this is an attempt at bullying and coercion. I do not believe in gender, and this is a protected belief in law. Using they/their pronouns does not come naturally to me. It goes against my whole life's experience of using sex-based pronouns and adds a significant mental load to my communications which I find to be distressing and difficult. I would be happy to simply use a person's name in place of pronouns.'

I don't know whether I'd be brave enough to send this, though.

Yes, because that is correct use of they! Yours isn't.

So she/her if I'm a woman. What criteria would make me a woman, @MargaritaPie ?

😄 But look how easy it was to use 'they!'

Then your pronouns are she/her whether you like it or not. You don't need to make a fuss if someone asks.

"My pronouns are the correct ones for a human with xx chromosomes."

Easy peasy.

Names are used more often than pronouns for sure and is a great way to not misgender someone.

Nope. Strong disagree here too. You see it a lot on these boards:

Eddie Izzard isn't a woman no matter what clothes Eddie wears. Eddie may think of Eddieself as a woman but that doesn't make Eddie a woman.

Actually I don't disagree do I? You're right this is indeed a great way to avoid misgendering. But it's verbal diarrhea and I imagine Eddie wouldn't like it that much.

'More likely' isn't the same as knowing for sure though. If I genuinely made a mistake and misgendered you because I guessed you were more likely to want to be referred to as the wrong gender, would you correct me by telling me which pronouns I should be using instead? Asking upfront/putting it in email signatures just helps to avoid that situation.

I haven’t so far but I’m on a course this weekend where I feel I might be (the person organising and a few people in the organisation have them in emails).

I won’t be declaring mine and will just say this isn’t a practice I engage in.

Giggles - that's not conventional English usage nor is that consistent with the text book English either

'They'd' in my 13:49 post was plural by the way 😂

if we don't know them, because the person chose not to share or we haven't asked yet, then they/them is the default

I disagree

Use he or she, on the basis that that's more likely to be what they'd prefer you to do.

Names are used more often than pronouns for sure and is a great way to not misgender someone. But sometimes pronouns are used and if we don't know them, because the person chose not to share or we haven't asked yet, then they/them is the default.