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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

Pronouns at nursery

138 replies

PronounsBaby · 21/10/2022 13:22

I'll start by saying I don't really have a problem with people stating their pronouns if they feel it necessary and is important to them (although I will do an internal eye roll and move on).

I personally don't like stating them as I don't think it should matter (if you are referring to me when I'm not there I think I'd prefer to be referred to by name). Ultimately I won't be putting them on my emails at work as I don't want to feel like I have to state " this is a woman talking! "

Anyway, my 8 mo is just about to start nursery. They have a board of staff members pictures and names along with pronouns. All sexed based except one male looking they/them. Fine.

They have given me a form to fill in about home life and have asked on there, what the family pronouns are and I'm not sure really what to put.

I guess 'they' as there are multiple members of the family but I know this isn't what they mean.

Maybe 'N/A' or 'none'? Maybe put 'none (sex based)'? Leave blank?

I don't want to start off on the wrong foot here but equally I don't really want to play along with the nonsense...

Has anyone navigated this?
I know it's not a big deal in the long run but I'm going to be leaving my PFB with them and don't want to worry about her/us being treated differently? Probably over thinking it...

OP posts:

ladycarlotta · 21/10/2022 15:11

I'd appreciate that they are trying to use the right language for every child's family. 99% of the time the pronouns are going to match up with how someone looks but it's really nice they are trying to be inclusive. Just answer it in the spirit it's asked.

FunnyTalks · 21/10/2022 15:09

Ugh keep an eye on the teaching material here. A belief in gender ideology can entail the belief that pre school age children already know their "gender identity". This will be expressed through the child choosing toys and clothes that are stereotypically associated with the opposite sex. Childhood is already so gendered, when you get to primary school it will be miniature princesses and footballers galore. I wish the people who push stereotypes (be they more traditional people or people who believe in gender ideology) would leave nursery children free to be themselves.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/10/2022 15:04

I'd leave it blank, and if pressed, say something like 'standard English grammar'.

windysocks · 21/10/2022 15:02

Leave it blank, if they ask just say no thank you. You say it's no big deal in the long run but it is. There was an article called pronouns are rohipnol (or something) that explains it
Maybe the nursery are doing this to accommodate a staff member?

CarefreeMe · 21/10/2022 14:55

This pronoun thing annoys me but I am not ashamed to be female and I wouldn’t want to hide away from it.

I never understand why on job applications you need to give your title or relationship status either.

I would be find with putting my pronouns as long as they don’t ask for my nursery aged child’s.

SwordToFlamethrower · 21/10/2022 14:51

I think this is a serious safeguarding issue. Find out if they are stonewall champions. If they are, tell them you're no longer interested in putting your kid in the nursery. Chances are, they will be encouraging kids to choose their pronouns based on whether they play with cars or dolls.

randomsabreuse · 21/10/2022 14:50

It's a nursery child. My 3 year old rarely uses sensible pronouns, uses my instead of me/I and is entirely unpredictable in whether he'll make sense or not. "My do it myself" and "Mine all mine".

I don't know what I'd fill in on a form for pronouns, I'm usually mum to nursery anyway and dad is dad..

EdgeOfACoin · 21/10/2022 14:44

I'd be very worried about gender stereotyping being perpetuated at this nursery.

Frlrlrubert · 21/10/2022 14:41

An elderly neighbour used to refer to inanimate objects as he or she rather than it. I'd wilfully misunderstand and make a really long list:
Pronouns-
Me: female. DH: male. Dogs: both female. Cat: male, (occasionally specialist 'the creature'). Child: Female (occasionally 'it' as a hangover from pregnancy when we didn't know). The hoover: female. My car: male. DH's car: female.

Johnnysgirl · 21/10/2022 14:39

We don't do pronouns' should suffice
Theoretically, maybe. But this is a nursery! I'd be giving them a hard swerve, wouldn't even consider using them.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 21/10/2022 14:33

No-one "has" pronouns, so writing "none" is perfectly reasonable.

YY. Your pronoun is I, and we don't really feel the need to spell that out normally.

DameHelena · 21/10/2022 14:25

Ignore. It's been added to the form so they can say they've ticked the box. If anyone cares enough to follow it up with you, a short reply along the lines of 'We don't do pronouns' should suffice.

Coyoacan · 21/10/2022 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Buffypaws · 21/10/2022 14:09

I’d just say I have no wish to tell them what to do and they should communicate as they see fit

DarkShade · 21/10/2022 14:06

This makes me think that the nursery doesn't understand about pronouns - family pronouns are not a thing in any community. Do they mean pronouns for individual family members?

MMAMPWGHAP · 21/10/2022 14:05

N/A?

Beamur · 21/10/2022 14:03

I'd still leave it blank. Or prefer not to say.
You're under no obligation to answer or explain your reasons.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 21/10/2022 14:01

How about we/us?

Johnnysgirl · 21/10/2022 13:57

Littlebluedinosaur · 21/10/2022 13:44

You know this is all because of that one ‘they’. Is this your only choice for nursery?

This.

StickofVeg · 21/10/2022 13:54

I'd leave it blank.

Whereareyourshoes · 21/10/2022 13:53

I would be concerned about the nursery pushing sexist stereotypes about what it means to be a boy or a girl and I would seriously consider looking for an alternative nursery or childminder.

Original poster

PronounsBaby · 21/10/2022 13:51

They ask because they try to provide a home from home feeling and ask about siblings and pets and other important people, presumably so they can talk about them.

It is my only choice.

I don't think I want a discussion about it so not that keen to leave blank or have a meeting with the nursery manager...I don't think it is damaging so not worth causing a fuss.

I do suspect it is all for that one person...

OP posts:

AlisonDonut · 21/10/2022 13:47

'Our pronouns are yours, use them wisely'.

Fucking nursery kids. You know they are going to indoctrinate your kids, right?

Beamur · 21/10/2022 13:46

Or I would ask why they are asking and what they intend to do with that information. GDPR requires businesses must have a reason for collecting personal data.

SirCharlesRainier · 21/10/2022 13:46

ScaryFaces · 21/10/2022 13:40

Putting "none" is just weird. Just because your pronouns are sex-based doesn't mean you have none. Putting "none" just makes it sound like you don't understand what pronouns are (a perfectly normal grammatical part of speech which everyone is sometimes referred to by) or you imagine people refer to you in the third person with an empty puff of air.

No-one "has" pronouns, so writing "none" is perfectly reasonable.

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