I'm not a woman - which facilities should I use

The other problem with third spaces is that some trans at least say it makes them feel they are not accepted as the gender they identify as. That they are ‘other’ as a gender not fully male or female.

Wherever you feel most comfortable. No loos are single-sex spaces under the definition of the EA2010.

Agreed. Utter unadulterated bollocks. Firstly, DSDs account for 0.018% of the population and an even smaller number of these have ambiguous genitalia. There is no higher incidence of trans in the DSD population than in the general population. You said "many" people, and this is blatant nonsense. If there's a hormonal difference its because of exogenous cross sex synthetic hormones and not because of an intrinsic difference. I add yet again that people suffering DSDs are STiLL EITHER male or female and not some nebulous third sex. DSDs are sex specific and if anything they PROVE the sexual binary. The stuff you talk about is dangerously akin to the pink vs blue brain theory which was debunked decades ago. I sincerely hope you really aren't a gender worker as you claim, because you are talking absolute mince. Please don't pass off this unsubstantiated crap as fact, especially to vulnerable children.

There have been less and less public toilets generally and I completely agree with the poster who brought up the campaign for changing spaces. Most disabled toilets are nowhere near big enough especially if the person using it needs 2 people to assist them as well.
I agree with the OP being guilty of naval gazing. Feeling like a woman is however you feel if you have a woman's body. It does not stop us doing anything we wish to do. I've always bought men's shoes as they are actually made in decent widths. Men's clothes are also comfier and often built more ruggedly (warmer) :) I am definitely all woman despite this 'non conforming' to some set of nonsense someone made up on a website somewhere. Just use the Ladies (although I have an issue with that word and its connotations)

This 100%. Anything else boils down to gender stereotyping. Something women have been fighting for years. Ironically in an age where “just be yourself” is shouted from every rooftop there’s actually little room to be an individual

According to Stonewall I am trans. I don't self identify as such.

We all are according to their grift. That's their point.

You have a choice. You can enslave yourself to the search for the right label or you can live and a relatively unremarkable female who doesn't conform to social stereotypes of 'feminine'. Have relationships, sex with whomever you choose, or don't. Wear the clothes you want, haircut you like, make up or not, whatever floats your boat.

I can guarantee that you will look, feel and act no differently to many of the rest of us females.

Don't let Stonewall's grift get to you. Just accept your personality and life choices.

The charge against gender woo woo has been lead by menopausal women. We've lived through all the crap misogyny and the patriarchy has to throw at us. And the reality of our biology has been part of our lives for a long time. With very few fucks left to give for biology deniers when dealing with the impact of the menopause on our lives, our relationships and our jobs.

I don't give a shiny shit about some twenty something eejit who has no idea why sex-based rights are so important for women. Particularly if they are a bloke.

To quote Kellie-Jay Keen their mum is probably a terf.

Some shithead the other day said they don't know the difference between their mum and Izzard because they've never seen the genitals of either. While I accept their Mum might have had a c-section, but if she didn't, you damn well saw them when you were born.

You are female. Use the women's loos. It should be that easy.

But, as we all know, transmen tend to have a lot more medical and surgical interventions, go to vocal coaches etc, do all they can to appear more masculine, male. And they often 'pass' very convincingly. So they would not be welcomed in a female facility, they would trigger the same thoughts and feelings as a man would.

I see this at work. We asked our client base about a transman joining the groups and there was a lot of discussion. One transman joined the group and left quickly. The visible recoil from the other women in the session was visible, the anxiety levels palpable and, even after apologies, nobody was comfortable. So he went off to another session, where the staff have specific training in supporting trans individuals.

As far as I can work through in my head, this is the obvious consequence of 'othering' yourself so much. Sometimes you find yourself on the outside more than you wanted.

But as you @Whatiswrongwithmyknee sound as though you are not trans, simply not gender conforming (like so many of us), use female facilities. Unless you choose to mask yourself your voice, general demeanour, gait etc, would not say 'male' and any mistakes would be easily remedied.

Used unisex loos in a brand new Tim Horton's yesterday. They were large enough, fully enclosed, plenty of white noise (you're not going to hear anyone else and they won't hear you).

Thought they were done well.

OP, you mention being menopausal and experiencing health issues (being in pain). Do you not think that these two fundamental things may be playing a big part on how you feel about yourself? However much you deny your gender defining you, biologically and scientifically during the menopause, there are big changes both physically and mentally in your body. It sounds like you’ve gone down this rabbit hole and are trying to label yourself based purely on what ideology drivel is on the internet. Personally it sounds to me that you have just lost your identity in general, which has no bearing on what sex you are.

This is what was always intended, what most people think should be the case, and what is currently the case except for a small group of people who think that because of their special identities the rules don't apply to them.

There is no truth in gender identity. It is a fantasy like the emperor’s new clothes.

Actually OP, would you use the mens toilets?

My daughter had a phase of being "trans". I told her that she was welcome to use the mens toilets, funnily enough she was grossed out at the mens toilets and rapidly changed her mind. What are your thoughts on that OP?

Thank you @BirdinaHedge I don't have a twitter account- but that thread tempted me!
Hope it is being shared far and wide?
i can share links at least

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

If you were head of UK public facilities, how would you design loo facilities?

It's a really interesting perspective OP and it seems out heads have exploded too. Putting myself in the shoes of a genderist though, I expect the answer would be whichever one you feel most comfortable in.

Their heads will explode

I’ve been puzzling over your questions and replies for a while and I think the problem is this

1. Please can you explain what you mean by ‘officially trans’.

1. You say you are not anti trans but in some circumstances you think sex rather than gender matters.

1. You are asking Musmsnet what supporters of ‘gender ideology’ would think.

1. In answer to the question, 'if I don't buy into the idea of gender self identification (or I don't believe in two gender identification) then what toilet should I use if my use of that toilet is based on what gender I identify with', I think people who do believe gender identity is a thing would think you were arguing from the wrong starting point - they'd insist gender self identification was the only thing - and then ultimately argue for gender neutral toilets were anyone could go.
2. Far more interesting question is why - if gender is all about self identification - race isn't, or religion, being Jewish or black, or even having brown hair. or blue eyes. I self identify as younger or older.

Why are you reducing people to genitalia?!

The whole body is sexed, the sex influences the way we talk (deeper voices for men etc), walk (different gait due to different ratio of pelvis to the rest of the body hence different centre of gravity), smell (men on reduced T (TW) still have double T than normal range for W, they can’t lower it more safely, And the presence of T makes sweat smell very different, pungent), look (face, size of hands, feet, hips, shoulders, height, etc), even the way we feel like (a woman’s skin, lips are softer, there is more subcutaneous fat). Genitals are one part of it.

we don’t need to worry about who has the right “genitalia”. Do you see the men in Iran worrying about that? Or the Taliban? Do you think they do genital checks on who is allowed to go to school, etc?

we’ve evolved to tell sex to close to 100%. All the other animals do it, and there’s never been butt sniffing or show of genitals in all of human history. that’s because we’re a dimorphic species.

nowadays there are even apps who can tell men and women apart just from a face photo. And studies have shown babies can tell sex too, Google it if you don’t believe me.

the people who believe TWAW also believe someone identity is whatever they say it is. So if I say I’m a woman I am one.

I wouldn’t put it pass them to renounce that and just look at how one conforms to stereotypes and say me, short hair, no makeup, unshaved, etc - not a woman. Sexism on steroids but not unbelievable at this point.

they can’t explain it, it’s hard to maintain you’re a progressive and a feminist when all this sexism is exposed. But sure, I will never close my ears for fear of being wrong, I can always learn. I welcome an explanation.

I don't understand why you are being made to feel like you're not welcome in spaces that have been made for you - i.e. biological female, please feel welcome in women's/ladies toilets and changing rooms. Who the hell are these people to make you feel space-less?!
I find it really interesting that you appear to be redefining who you are, based on someone else's agenda.

Can I ask - before there was quite so much very public and furiously divided debate about sex and gender - were you anxious about using whichever toilet you used? Would you say all these definitions and "rules" are making you happier as they make the issues more visible, or more confusing?

In a lot of your posts, you talk about what gender ideologists feel and say and think and demand, rather than what you think and feel and self-define, but they don't make the rules. They don't get to tell you how to feel and where to go. Unless I'm missing something?