I'm not a woman - which facilities should I use

Look….cubicles are private spaces. A Martian of all genders could use one…and unless you stand on the loo and look over the top….you would be none the wiser. I believe all this fear and hate comes from not knowing….assuming trans are a threat in some way. The vast majority of people…regardless of sex or gender are not predatory. We need to stop reacting to an unreal threat.

@ThrowingSomeCrumbs the mens toilets. Because he is a man. He has man parts. He has male dna. You can’t change your sex. Putting on makeup doesn’t alter your dna.

@babyjellyfish OK< the first trans person I knew. A transwoman (30 years ago now!). I worked with her, shared the work toilets with her. She came on a girls "night out". It was quite a few months before I found out she wasn't just a very tall woman, but was actually a trans woman. She was super feminine and really quite beautiful.

What toilets should she use? Because she was beautiful, was it OK to use the womens?

You're a woman & female, whether or not you identify as such.

Welcome to the Ladies' Loos!

But I suspect you know this already

How would you feel if you saw him in a womens toilet? He looks, acts and speaks as a male. Without checking his sex organs, you would just see a man.

Guessing he wouldn’t have an issue using the mens then as he seems to identify as male and so would feel comfortable there. Not at all the same as OP who is saying they don’t want to use the female as don’t identify as such and don’t want to use the male as they don’t identify as such. Which leaves them with nowhere they feel comfortable weeing when out and we are meant to somehow solve this.

Use the ladies. You're a woman.

.However I'd feel mis gendered if anyone assumed that because I go to the ladies I identify as a woman. I am not messing here. I genuinely now feel uncomfortable wherever I go.

The problem is most places don’t have the infrastructure space for toilets for every permutation possible. It’s unfortunate but reality. Just use the female toilet for now and maybe in the future they will build buildings/complexes that have 50% space allocated for every toilet permutation, and then squish the other things in around them.

What a silly question. You are a biological woman. You use the ladies 😬🤷🏼‍♀️. Your biological status doesn't care about a self defined status that only exists in your mind and can't be tested or proved or verified in any way. You are a woman, your biological dimorphism marks you out very clearly as a woman. You use the ladies.

Sis question. Do you honestly think that identifying as something means that other people fail to recognise you as what you actually are?

Since he doesn't pose any threat to men, he can use the men's.

A trans friend looks very much male. He still has a vagina (for many reasons) but I knew him as him, and had no idea he was trans for some time.

How would you feel if you saw him in a womens toilet? He looks, acts and speaks as a male. Without checking his sex organs, you would just see a man.

There aren't any laws which prohibit someone going into the toilet of the "wrong" sex. It's perfectly legal, anyone can use whichever facilities they feel most appropriate. If other people have a problem with that, that's their problem. It's never been illegal for a man to enter the women's toilet or vice-versa, just that by convention people have automatically used the one designated for their sex.

In the past transpeople have used the "wrong" toilet without issue. I think it's becoming more of an issue now because people are more comfortable with changing their gender without "living" their new gender or making an effort to fit in with stereotypical gender norms.

There's also the problem some women have where they get accused of being in the "wrong" toilet, for example there was an England rugby player who was abused and threatened in the women's toilets because other women thought she looked too male to be a woman.

Get over yourself and use the ladies.

You are a woman, we come in many shapes and sizes, like different things and do not all conform to Stonewall's regressive, stereotypical SHITE.

I agree ziggy, I barely get chance to go the loo, let alone think about which one I need to use.

I do not ever want people to feel justified in assuming that I align myself with sexist stereotypes just because of the facilities I use

I understand completely, this is what happens when things are done by gender and people are forced into boxes

You are female so obviously use the female toilets. If men are happy for you to male facilities that is up to them.

I suggest that you don't use male facilities, for reasons of privacy for men and safety for you. Also because it normalises harmful genderist ideology.

You have way too much time on your hands, clearly. Just use the women's loos ffs!

Common sense has left many people.

OP is correct that Stonewall's definition of trans applies to 99% of humans. Very few of us "feel" like a woman or a man, very few people believe in a gender identity. The vast majority of humans just know they are a male or a female.

The answer clearly is for everywhere to have 7 billion toilets, one for each of us

Telling someone ‘well, you’ve got all the bits, you must be a woman’ doesn’t help when that persons brain says otherwise.

toilets are for ‘bits’ (aka genitals) not for ‘brains’

HTH

Vagina, then female toilets. Unless you look SUPER male.

The only purpose of female toilets is to protect women from sexual attacks 🤷🏻‍♀️ (from glares all the way to rap3). So, if I ask you the question: "are you scared of being attacked by a man?"'and your answer is yes and if I ask you "are you scary to other women?" And your answer is no, then you're welcomed with open arms ☺️ even if you're already transitioning.

The fact that you are not comfortable in the gents proves you have a gender identity that is women

No, it doesn't 😆

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee as you're non binary, my suggestion is you use whichever loos you feel most comfortable with using. However, note that if I saw you in the women's loos I wouldn't be speculating on your gender identity, I probably would barely notice you tbh (as I would anyone).

You are using a toilet, quickly popping in for a Pee. Stop overthinking it. You are biologically female and therefore using the ladies loos applies to you. You know this. You’ve grown up in this world and understand the basics of what toilet to use. Why have you spent so much time on this? Genuinely I really am wondering? Also, what do you mean when you say you ‘don’t identify as a woman’? What makes up the identity of a woman? Gender stereotypes? Here’s something radical, why don’t you just ignore those like the majority of us do?

more changing places too please!

www.independentliving.co.uk/changingplaces/what-makes-a-changing-places-facility/

And what about the rest of us?

Do our feelings not matter?

You do realise that a trans woman's hormones and brain patterns are not visible to women using the women's toilets, right?

All we see is a man.

How do you know this? I worked in a gender re-assignment clinic…and many trans people often don’t have the same hormones, brain patterns and in some cases there are very blurred lines with genitalia. Telling someone ‘well, you’ve got all the bits, you must be a woman’ doesn’t help when that persons brain says otherwise.
This is really an area of medicine and social science where we are learning more daily. The public can make life easier for trans….by accepting…..or difficult, because they have a fixed idea in their head that belongs with the last century and bears little relation to science….but it makes themselves feel more comfortable.