Mermaids charity paedophile & porn photos scandal in the press

There is an irony that anyone with an important job and an interesting life almost by definition has things that they don't want to share. Minor kinks that you engage with in the privacy of your own home; back when you were a teenager and spent three years stoned; that period in your early 20s when you went a bit wild for six months; the time you were disciplined at work for a silly mistake that cost your boss a fair bit of money. ALmost by definition if you are happy to be your "authentic self" then you are saying to the world that you don't want a serious job, or you're boring as fuck!

If I was Darren's boyfriend or girlfriend I would strongly object to the existence of photographic evidence of the fact

:)
I promise that I have never worn a bathing costume when driving.

*imagines taking a driving lesson with an instructor in swimsuit and snorkel in the passenger seat

Thank god, me too. It left me puzzled and concerned for @ControversialOpening ’s driving pupils

Oh my god, I read 'when I was a driving instructor I wore a bathing costume'.

Sorry posted too early. It's the exhibitionism, the nudity, the porny photos and the lack of safeguarding of himself that are the giveaways. I think you're possibly coming from a place where you regard it as normal to be open about your life on SM. I'd suggest that most people (me included) don't and aren't out there posting nude photos or revealing their inner selves to the world.

It's always interesting to see though how many people really have trouble navigating this difference between being as open as anyone about things like family life, while not taking it into the territory of sexual preferences as such.

It's not about sexual preference. No one would object to a photo of Darren with a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

Hmm. The idea that boundaries are subjective is basically the foundation of grooming. Ick.

I wouldn’t want this man, his ideas, his repulsive photos or his writing within a million miles of my children.

Having trawled through Darren's blogs, this is an unhappy person with MH problems. Someone who admits to reinventing themselves:
"Every time I’ve had my heartbroken, something has gone wrong or my mental health has decided it wants to play in the deep dark void."
And someone with eating disorders, and admitted body dimorphism. The attitude to "cis" gay men is disturbing.

So how could he possibly work with kids? If he's still carrying all these problems, he's a wreck. I think Darren needs proper help themselves.

Plus Darren has little understanding of professionalism, yes, take your risks but that might (and did) come back to haunt you:
"In my day to day life, I often take risks when it comes to my own wardrobe and fashion choices. The risks I take are risks to me and for me. I think sometimes when we start labeling things as a risk we set boundaries as to what a risk is, when really a risk is personal. What is out of my comfort zone might not be outside of someone else’s comfort zone – it’s all personal!"

This is the real world consequence of the ideology that tell you there is no consequences.

For me the caption to that sexualised “schoolgirl” photo “just out here living my fantasy” is also a huge 🚩

It's always interesting to see though how many people really have trouble navigating this difference between being as open as anyone about things like family life, while not taking it into the territory of sexual preferences as such.

I have a gay male friend who I find navigates this in a way I think is increasingly unusual now. He really just does not talk about his private life in a work context, at all. He's not married or attached, so it doesn't come up through talking about his weekend or his partner being sick or anything like that. There are people at work who know he is gay, but they are pretty much people he has developed friendships with outside of work and who he sees socially.

He's quite a private person though, and works with people from quite a wide variety of backgrounds in a service role, so there is a kind of desire to maintain a professional distance. And not all jobs are like that and some people are more inclined to be open.

I also know another gay man who is less private in his day job in an office position, on the other hand he also teaches music lessons to kids and maintains complete privacy in that context, including when he was married.

Obviously not all workplaces have identical considerations but I do think it's worth thinking about where we would best draw lines around private information about our lives. Like, maybe our dating life isn't something most people would discuss at work?

Yes!

I don’t want to bring my whole self to work. My boss doesn’t actually need to know about my sex life. I don’t want to know about her sex life of the sex lives of my colleagues.

That said, I also don’t think that my lesbian colleague should have to hide her partner and their children away. I’m glad she doesn’t have to hide that part of her life. But, again, it really isn’t something that comes up in office conversation all that often.

Added to which, if we consider that to be her private life, it is private and none of my business. But there are other behaviors that could be kept private that people want to have pushed into the public sphere for their own recognition and validation. That is the bit in which I don’t want to play any part.

It’s part of the ‘bring your whole self to work’ school of thought too I think.

The idea that ALL boundaries or distinctions are wrong and that you should be able to be your “authentic self” at all times and in all situations. No. In some circumstances and especially when that places you in a position of power or responsibility over children then there need to be boundaries and anyone who doesn’t get that shouldn’t be working in those roles.

The aim was laudable- that gay men and lesbians shouldn’t have to hide that fact at work. But once again the LGB has been used as a cover to push through the TQ and this is the outcome.

It does not hurt anyone to dress in conventional clothes, if they want a conventional job.

I absolutely agree with this.
I've had many different jobs, and wore appropriate clothing for each of them. When I assisted a tree surgeon I wore heavy trousers and flannel shirts; when I was a diving instructor I wore a bathing costume, rashguard and wetsuit as needed; when I was a teacher I wore a suit, collar and tie. Now I work in a theatre - some days I wear scruffy clothes as I'm going to be crawling about in lighting galleys, other days I wear black as I'll be backstage, and sometimes I wear a shirt as I'm facing the public. None of it hurts.

Here's the thing: if you want to be unconventional go for it - good for you. but you'd better be so good at your job that it will be overlooked or tolerated. And if you want to draw more attention to yourself don't be surprised when you get it - even if it's not the sort of attention you hoped for.

Gender questioning kids dont just deserve better safeguards they just deserve better. If being trans means removal of healthy body parts and life long medicalisation that may leave you sterile and anorgasmic, this is a shitty shitty outcome by any measure. It may relieve some gender dysphoria, but at what cost? There has to be a better way to be trans.

As I always say re Mermaids- users of this service, for fucks sake will you please demand BETTER for your children. Hold them to some standards. Take your fingers out your ears, stop yelling at the world for pointing out your failings, and fix it.

This. Children with gender dysphoria are just as deserving of the same stringent safeguarding that other children get. The parents of children using this service should absolutely be demanding better for their kids.

art porn/rubber porn/any porn OR working a childrens charity.

Can we get this on a billboard in Picadilly Circus please?

Sorry, think I responded to the wrong person. Yes GrabbyGrabby, sexualisation is the issue.

I think you're being a bit disingenuous there about high heels which have long been acknowledged as a fetish for many men. Women have argued that high heels are bad for health and posture, so the same would be true for men. No high heels in any workplace for purely practical and H&S reasons would be the sensible norm. What you do in private, in your own time, is up to you — but if you splash your fetish all over your SM pages don't expect to work with vulnerable people.

I think Grayson P is a great artist but his work is in no way suitable for kids.

eg, penis-power-pot.

Edgy art ain’t for kids.

Exactly this.

when these latest revelations have come out, I can’t help thinking back to the Cass Report and how it highlighted how over represented looked-after children are in the population of children and young people with gender distress. These are the most vulnerable children in society, presenting with multiple, complex issues and the standards around the people and organisations who purport to help them should if anything be higher than usual. It’s not a place where people who boast about their boundary-pushing should find a natural home. It needs people with the most scrupulous moral standards, and the deepest understanding of the multi faceted issues at play.

What it gets instead is single issue dilettantes with no discernible relevant qualifications, dodgy personal interests and subject to wildly shoddy or absent background checking. And it’s simply astonishing that they still seem to be failing to see the issue. It should be step one- children's charities will absolutely attract some really dodgy people, so you need failsafe methods of weeding them out at the first possible opportunity.

As I always say re Mermaids- users of this service, for fucks sake will you please demand BETTER for your children. Hold them to some standards. Take your fingers out your ears, stop yelling at the world for pointing out your failings, and fix it.

I don't really agree.

It does not hurt anyone to dress in conventional clothes, if they want a conventional job.

It really does not.

People can wear what they want, to a point, outside of work.

But anyone who is pushing for a significant liberalizing of convention does actually have to either accept that others will consider them potentially dangerous boundary pushers, or make an argument for changing the boundary that most people accept.

It's not like we are talking about social norms that say women have to have bound feet or anything like that.

Some people need to grow up and realize their sense of self shouldn't depend on other people thinking they are cool rule breaking types. If nothing else it can be indicative of a personality that needs a lot of external validation which isn't something that is necessarily a great thing in a teacher or employee with significant responsibilities.