CAHMs therapist using trans name for DD

An ASD assessment still involves the young person and if they don't trust the therapist then they might just not consent to the assessment being completed at all

What are you talking about?

it’s an ASD assessment, not therapy.

I have real doubts that you'd fine anyone at CAMHS anyway, a lot of the therapists with real sense and integrity seem to have left. The ones that remain I suspect all buy in to gender ideology in a pretty whole-hearted way.

How is a therapist supposed to build trust with your daughter if they don’t respect her enough to use her preferred name? It doesn’t sound like she’s encouraging her to take hormones or undergo surgery that could cause irreversible damage... She’s just respecting her right to choose how she presents herself to the world.

I know you think she should be taking your feelings into account, but it’s much more important that your child feels comfortable than you when it comes to her therapy. You’re not the patient, she is.

If possible though , it might be worth pursuing some therapy of your own. It sounds like this situation is really difficult for you too, and having someone separate to concentrate on your needs could be helpful.

From the link I shared on the last page:

[the assessment is] *typically scheduled with a clinician with whom they [they=the child] have little to no familiarity to obtain a sample of the client’s behavior that is not influenced by previous interactions^

www.childrensresourcegroup.com/a-brief-overview-of-the-ados-2-an-assessment-for-autism-spectrum-disorder/

relationship/trust building really isn’t necessary for an ASD assessment. It’s just a session or two of puzzles, a clinical history taken from the parent, a report from a teacher and maybe an observation in school.

it’s not a therapeutic relationship

As the name is such a minefield, why use any name at all? Just “Hello, come in, how are you?”
I don’t feel the need to keep sticking someone’s name into the conversation when I’m actually already talking to them. This is what the pronoun “you” is for.

As several others have suggested OP, the issue to establish with the therapist is why they are taking this approach? If they're using it as a tool to engage and model respect, while being open to the transitory nature of this in a teenager and addressing other issues, then it's likely worth persisting. If they're a flag waving supporter of Mermaids seeing parental concerns as transphobic and focusing on the trans issue then they're a safeguarding hazard to children and lack the appropriate skills to work with those questioning what sex they are.

I honestly don’t think they have much understanding of these issues from a family perspective. They just seem to want to passify the kids/ parents by sticking on labels. That way they tick the box and their job is done. No real care care about the individuals at all.
It took a while to find the right person for my dd, but when we did, everything fell into place

An autism assessment is not therapy either. It's entirely different.

CAMHs must have a policy on this. It can hardly be unchartered territory for them.

I would remove her from CAHMS. If the choice is between therapy which affirms this nonsense or no therapy at all, I’d choose the latter.

If they use a name that your child has said they do not want to be called then chances are they'll not trust the therapist and not engage.
I would imagine that would be the same with any therapist private or nhs.
If it's just for an autism assessment then they probably wont need to see her that much anyway and it's probably better she has a positive experience from it. Also on a quick side note - we've moved away from using functioning labels now as they are not very helpful in actually highlighting someone's level of support needs. Lots of autistic people have spoken about the limits and issues of this
Hope it all goes well!

Any assessment of this type is going to involve a pretty emotional and deep level of questioning.

ASD assessment is mostly puzzles and observation, actually. Plus taking a detailed clinical history from a parent and possibly a report from the teacher.
It’s nothing like psychotherapy or counselling.

www.childrensresourcegroup.com/a-brief-overview-of-the-ados-2-an-assessment-for-autism-spectrum-disorder/

Can you ask (demand) another CAMHS psychologist if the strategy of objecting on admin grounds doesn't work?

I don't believe autism assessments are necessarily as emotional as others are painting, and I don't think called your daughter a male name is necessary to make a diagnosis.

My daughter had high functioning autism and I have been professionally involved in ASD assessments in younger children.

Good luck,

Also, plenty of women have boy names as nicknames (or even legal names) whilst still being boring, old fashioned vagina-women (see Lionel Shriver or Stevie Nicks for starters!) so it’s entirely possible to find a middle ground of a new chosen name and same old pronouns, or you could opt to use a non-gendered childhood nickname, or the child’s initials, or a nickname based on a short form of the girl name, or the boy version of the girl name (if one exists).

That way you can demonstrate that you are listening to the child without completely buying into the child’s rejection of the self.

it’s really not the black and white situation some protransing-of-adolescents transadvocates would have you believe.

but hold your ground re: always having the legal name on the paperwork (and scribble a ‘preferred nickname’ in a notes box if necessary.

A lot of the kids trying on these identities don’t actually want 100% immediate buy -in from all the adults in their lives, they want to find a bit of resistance, even a boundary. My child was using a boy name in her friendship group and a teacher found out and went straight into Allsorts-ToolKit-Mermaid-Training mode and my daughter was beyond horrified that name change snowball had been pushed down the hill and was gathering speed. She was relieved when we put a pause on it (and hates that one particular name now anyway, it’s too ‘stereotypical transman’ apparently!)

*does not (sorry typo)

I'm so torn between wanting her to be assessed and not wanting affirmation from a medical professional on the whole trans thing

How would you propose your child be 'assessed' if the therapist does now accept the way they are currenlty presenting?

Any assessment of this type is going to involve a pretty emotional and deep level of questioning.

If your child going to open up to that when the starting point is that the therapist doesn't accept them?

What type of "assessment" do you think could be done in this circumstant where your child's basic wishes aren't respected? The walls and barriers are going to go straight up and you will get nowhere.

This is so concerning but not surprising from Camhs .

I agree would go private if you can

Put yourself in the therapist's shoes.

If your child says they want to be referred to by a certain name, then of course the therapist is going to respect that. It's a very basic level of respect to call someone what they ask you to call them. Your child is the therapist's client, not you.

Sure, you may be able to find a private therapist who would call them something else, but I have serious doubts that they would be of any help to your child. They would struggle to form even a basic therapeutic relationship.

Here is the link to part 2 (advice for parents)
Might be worth listening to part one first though as I think it goes into what happened between Helena and her mum. Part two goes into what advice she would give to parents based on her experience. She is very wise.
Lots of other great written links given above, but just in case personal anecdote and audio are helpful to you too:

I would not go back to that person under any circumstances.

The therapist has to build a relationship with your daughter that your daughter wants to continue. A pretty fundamental part of that will be respecting what your daughter wants to be called, regardless of what that is.

There is a difference between that and putting her nickname and incorrect pronouns on official paperwork.

If it were me, OP, I think I'd speak to them about why are they socially transitioning your daughter without this being part of an agreed treatment plan (or even a diagnosis). If the answers you get are not constructive I would not engage with them- a therapist with an agenda is a terrible idea.

That said, I think you should accept the name change (as a nickname) as a way to show you support her.

Using the wrong pronouns and a new name for a child is not a neutral act - it is affirmative and pushes them down the path towards transition. It is absolutely appalling that the person you saw (what were their qualifications incidentally?) socially transitioned your child without your approval.

www.transgendertrend.com/teenager-says-theyre-transgender/

There are also resources and a report on children - particularly girls - with autism identifying as transgender www.transgendertrend.com/autism-gender-identity-introduction/ which you might find useful

It was honestly a nightmare, barely saw the the same person twice. Self harming worsened, even under crisis care. My DD was just given worksheets on ‘feelings’ and how to manage them. I don’t know much of what was said in the sessions as I wasn’t allowed in. But I was expected to provide any support she needed ( but they wouldn’t say what was needed as that confidentiality!) when she didn’t improve it was due to lack of family support!!
in the end we went private, I was present for all sessions and slowly we started to unravel what was going on. She’s 20 now, lovely and thanks us so much for getting her out of CAHMS and got guiding her through the ‘sludge’ of her life

genspect.org/