CAHMs therapist using trans name for DD

That’s very good advice
Wish I’d met you sooner!

Also (and this is general advice to anyone with a child who has a lot of contact with medical or SEN services) always ask everyone you have an appointment with to write down their full name, job title and email address. Keep a record of when you saw them in a binder with the letters and assessments (never give anyone your copy of anything, let them make a photocopy and hand the original straight back).

you never know when the info might be needed, sometimes 2,3 years down the line you need an extra bit of evidence for an application and no idea how to generate it.

That's a bit different then and affirmation doesn't sound like something she necessarily pushed herself. Its a big part in mental health support, when my brother had a psychotic break we were told to go along with his delusions as not to scare him- I'm not an expert but it seemed odd and we did the opposite to be honest and he was fine once the meds kicked in. No need to agree with him that there was a portal to hell in the bookcase.

You sound like you are doing brilliantly op.

I expect you already have all the usual contacts and support services so I won’t repeat them.
There is a good Facebook group for gender sceptical parents of trans identifying kids/teens too.

if I were you (and our situations are very similar) I would try and make an appointment for a telephone chat with someone at CAMHS to find out exactly what the next steps are and who your daughter will be talking to and for what purpose. If it’s just the ADOS-2 assessment and the paperwork will record your daughter’s legal name I would probably go ahead (especially if the staff member you speak to seems to take your concerns seriously. Perhaps you can pull them back to using your agreed at-home nickname/no pronouns rather than a new name that is completely outside of the realms of your daughter’s ongoing family life).

However, if you can find the money in the family budget for a private assessment that would be a reasonable option.

best of luck!

Ps this is an excellent warning article re: binders written from a pro trans perspective - one I have found useful when making the no-binder argument to people who want to dismiss you as a transphobe. Worth bookmarking for future reference!

helloclue.com/articles/cycle-a-z/chest-binding-tips-and-tricks-for-trans-men-nonbinary-and-genderfluid

kinfauns I just wanted to say you sound like a brilliant mum. Loving, sensible and caring. All the best.

I'd ensure forms and paperwork has the actual name on, but wouldn't see the issue with the therapist using their chosen name, otherwise as has been said its going to be a battle and the sessions are likely to be wasted.

Sasha Ayad (Inspired teen therapy on twitter and very worth following) said she just uses surnames to be neutral.

Is her real name triggering in some way? I agree with you about the pronouns but I'm torn on the name. I have a name no one has ever used, from birth my family used a short form of the name which I hated with a passion, when I started senior school I said my name was something else, school were happy with that but my parents were puzzled. I'm 70 next year and my siblings still insist on the name I hate and I find it really upsetting. When my parents died they had never used the name I choose to be known by.

I won't give my name but think if I was named Frances and my family insist on calling me Fanny and I want to be called Fran. I think it is disrespectful to call me a name I find distressing.

Nothing to do with transitioning in my case although the shortening I choose to use is a name that men and women use.

Exactly what our private therapist does. Uses her given name when talking to me but in sessions with DD just doesn't use a name at all.

My son didn't speak to a therapist when they diognosed him with autism op.

Been going through CAMHS for a few years and if you are on their radar stick with it. It took me about 4 years to get them to assess my child and for a long while now they have been emailing me almost weekly about groups, help and appointments. Finally feel supported. Though my sons mental health has actually nose dived since they've been involved thinking about it.... don't think it's them though.

Lying to or about people isn't helping this situation.

Why would using a made up name help a person engage more openly and honestly?

that’s nonsensical.

Give them whatever title you wish, clinician/practitioner/therapist, they are still a professional who needs to be able to have an honest, respectful dialogue with OP's DD. This will be made a lot harder if he/she goes in and rides roughshod all over her request for her preferred name to be used.

I understand OP's concerns, I really do. But if using her preferred name means that she engages more honestly and openly with the assessment process, then so be it.

This small act can make a massive difference to a young person

So which is it? A small act or a massive intervention that single-handedly stops a child Killing themselves? A child who, according to TRA wisdom, is both suicidal but also not suffering from mental illness and therefore has capacity to make profound decisions that would affect them for life?

and have absolutely no impact on us

This isn't true is it? When the rest of the world is required to lie to support your fantasy about yourself it has a huge impact on all of us.

The use of suicide as a tool to coerce parents is unethical and dangerous

People should be utterly ashamed of this behaviour, it is repulsive.

OP I would be retreating from this person, I would not be comfortable with them taking affirmative steps like name changing at this stage.

I’m sorry but when we complained to CAHMS, they eventually admitted that my DD had been seen on a few occasions by staff who were not trained to deal with her issues. I have a letter in which CAHMS apologised for this but blamed it on being short staffed!!

Thank you for picking up this awful post by SunnyD44. The use of suicide as a tool to coerce parents is unethical and dangerous.

The simplistic post and suggestions suggests that the person is not a qualified professional in working with children and their comments should be safely ignored.

Run.

Your daughter isn't getting assessed. They've already decided what her issues are BEFORE the assessment is completed.

This is not OK. They haven't assessed her vulnerability and how if she is autistic this might affect how she is responding to social media.

They have already decided on how they will treat her BEFORE assessment. That's not good clinical practice and not ok.

I wouldn't trust them one bit to do what's in your daughter's interests. Rather than being of benefit to her as high functioning, this could end up being the problem rather than the solution.

I'm quite concerned by your post suggesting you work at cahms?

I don't think your comment on suicide (suggesting failing to use preferred pronouns /name caused suicide in young people) was appropriate or accurate.

From the Samaritans: "Speculation about the ‘trigger’ or cause of a suicide can oversimplify the issue and should be avoided. Suicide is extremely complex and most of the time there is no single event or factor that leads someone to take their own life."

And I don't have any qualifications in mental health. I don't have to be a chef to know that the food in a restaurant is awful.

@giggly my experience has been 10 years of dealing with them. I'd like to say that my experience is peculiarly awful but my friends in other areas have had similar experiences. And that's the general experience of people in parenting autistic children support groups I'm in.

Obviously people usually talk more about their bad experiences than their good ones but I'd say your experience is pretty unusual.

I've had to lodge formal complaints against two members of staff. In my experience (which is what I said in my post) the service is not fit for purpose.

Children are deemed to have capacity at 12 not 14 in Scotland but parents still have parental rights regardless of how much the Scottish Government would wish they didn't.

Using a male name for a girl is very much part of social transitioning - which is NOT a neutral act.

My experience of CAMHS, as a parent, has been awful. I would advise private if you can afford it.

@Clymene I’d love to know your extensive experience and related qualifications in mental health/ NDD to justify your statement of “get it wrong 90%of the time. I’d love if you would post your evidence.
Being a parent of a child attending a CAMHS service is not extensive experience and using one CAMHS service in the UK can not be used as an example for all others.
OP for what is worth in Scotland consent is granted at 14 so if your child wishes to be sen alone and deemed to have capacity then you would not be involved in any therapy sessions.
Parents need to be involved at some stage for developmental history for a NDD assessment whic of course is very different from therapy.
so much bullshit and CAMHS haters of MN which is a real shame although I accept that some families have very different experiences.
D
Of tour 14 year old has asked to be addressed as their chosen name then any professional will have to follow their lead. That in no way is assisting them with transition as has been suggested. In fact my own experience is that our CAMHS service have nothing to do with gender identity , this is provided by another service and accessed through GP referral.
Again my own experience is that CAMHS clinicians are very aware of the correlation between gender identity and ASD teena (girls in particular)
my own child went through this as well as identifying as being trans, we rode the storm out and now two years later she’s settled in her own chosen sexuality and gender from birth.
My experience as a parent with CAMHS has been excellent.