Is there any sensible advice on how to parent tomboys in the current climate?

Issy Wong is amazing.

Definitely a role model for my cricketing daughter!

You're joking, right?
My DD 8 is also a bit of a tomboy (hate that word) and a child two years ahead of her has been told by their parents that they can change sex.
I have firmly told her that X's parents are really silly and having long/short hair doesn't make you into a boy/girl.
I will continue to repeat this. I will introduce other concepts before she is pushed into them by school/other children.

To be honest this is the best way forward.

I know a teen who's getting her GCSEs tomorrow. No one has ever thought of her as a Tom boy, she has extremely long hair, but has always preferred boys' styles for clothes and joined cubs and scouts rather than brownies and guides.

As her parents have always let her choose her style (she wore a tux to a wedding aged 6) she's incredibly clear she's female and indeed chose a backpack recently specially designed for
Women's backs.

I feel that there's always been honest conversations about what sexism is from a young age and so she knows that she doesn't have to conform to sexist stereotypes. (She refused to learn about female and male French grammar saying it was sexist and got thrown out of class )

Her style reminds me completely of a green day fan (is one too) from the 90s. She'd otherwise be called non binary, bar the hair, except she's so clear it's just what she likes. Parents did wonder and ask her if she was trans some years ago apparently but I do think it was prior to the trans craze and she was clueless.

Lots if exposure to well known gender non conforming people and crushing sexist attitudes.

No right or wrong way to be a girl: exactly. Show her role models like Issy Wong to illustrate the point.
femalecricket.com/women-cricket-news/17245-who-is-18-year-old-issy-wong-who-dreams-to-become-the-fastest-bowler-in-the-world-cricket.html

Dear god, tell me you are taking the piss.

I was a tomboy, too, and undoubtedly would have been sucked into this trans thing, not least because I was a little lesbian growing up in an evangelical christian household. Thank god there was no internet then.

It was tough growing up, but I am glad to have functioning nipples, womb and the ability to orgasm.

exactly!

100 times this! I hate the term "tomboy" so much, it is so stigmatising and so much cementing gender roles. Blerch.

Tom boys were never considered to BE boys or lesser girls.

Non gender conforming girls now are told they could be boys.

You may see tom boy as sexist, I don't, not in the context of how I lived my life as a girl in the 80s. As someone said upthread it was and is a still useful descriptor for a girl who doesn't conform to gender stereotypes. People never thought tom boys were NOT really girls, did they?

Lisa Selin Davis wrote a book about tomboys. She is interviewed by Stella O'Malley & Sascha Ayad (well, it's more of a gentle exploratory discussion) on their wonderfully therapeutic & gentle podcast "Gender: A Wider Lens."

The podcast is well worth a listen generally - their ideas are balm for the soul.

I don’t know if I would say this. The true joy of being a girl for my little daughter is rolling round the garden and playing. For my older daughter it’s an intensive ballet class. Saying the ‘true joy’ of being a woman is having a baby wouldn’t suit either of them. I mean what does that mean for those women who can’t or don’t have children? Women aren’t just mothers.

How is it not sexist? It's a ridiculous expression feeding into boys' things and girls' things, which posters are perpetuating

(" my daughter is so into STEM")

Yes, but many of us over 35 have been quite deliberately NOT using the word tomboy to describe girls who behave/dress/think/etc. in certain ways, for quite some time, because it panders to the idea that being like this, all the time or some of the time, needs a specific label and is outside of a norm of girlhood. Which it doesn't, and isn't.

I was very concerned about this with my own DD, I work in a secondary school I see it happening all the time. The verbal gymnastics we are expected to still comply with.

I spent a lot of time discussing different types of women with DD and celebrating their successes, watching documentary's, showing that women don't always fit the stereotype etc. On starting secondary school DD came home and declared herself bi in the first 2 weeks, she joined the LGB+ group at school, I though "oh no, here we go" by the end of year 7 she had actually decided that she is same sex attracted. We discussed the toilet issue and sports. DD used to swim competitively so Lia Thomas was a good way in she could see how unfair it was from a performance aspect but not from the accessing the changing rooms, she plays rugby too so that was an obvious one to win that fully grown rugby trained men shouldnt be playing against women.

DD still doesnt really understand the toilet issue as she see trans people as harmless 12 year olds like her, the boys in her year are much much smaller than her and pose no risk to her at all. She doesnt think of them as 6 ft 4 men. I'm glad that my DD doesn't have any negative experiences with men she is incredibly fortunate but it makes it difficult for her to empathise with women who have when she is constantly getting the line "Be kind. Be accommodating." from school and peers.I try to put it to her that another persons comfort doesnt trump a womens right to feel safe, and that not all women feel safe around men due to their experiences and that needs to come first.

I was a tomboy but knew I was a girl. Still am a tomboy, I suppose. Mum prepared me for the changes of puberty and I just got on with it, but sailed and drove powerboats.

Ever asked yourself why males aren't called 'penis havers' or 'ejaculators' or 'penis holders' or anything like that while women are constantly referred to as chest feeders, vulva havers, vagina owners, menstruates and so on.

But it is widely accepted that we address people based on gender identity rather than biological sex because that would be very degrading to reduce people to genitals.

Truly, the only people who reduce others to genitals are extreme trans activists and allies and anyone pushing 'inclusive' language.

Ever asked yourself why males are called 'penis havers' or 'ejaculators' or 'penis holders' or anything like that while women are constantly referred to as chest feeders, vulva havers, vagina owners, menstruates and so on.

I can post links to transitioned males who are absolutely horrified to be constantly reminded that they still have a penis by anyone even considering using 'penis haver'. The same with some transitioned females about being reminded that they still have menstruation, vaginas, ovaries and vulvas.

Similarly, there are transitioned males who use the males or alternative toilets and change rooms rather than disrespect females who need single sex spaces to remain single sex. Again, it is extreme activists and allies who use the phrase 'genital inspectors' all the time. I have never seen one feminist who has ever said 'genitals should be checked at the door'.

So, no. People who keep referring to genitals in these ways, and saying things like 'reduce people to genitals' are those who want to shut down discussion completely. That way they get their way and no equitable solution is found for women and children who haven't ever, and still are not getting a say in this debate.

And your post is supporting that whether that was your intention or not.

By the way I think my genitals are awesome... They have given me good sex and children. But they also allow me to wear trousers, be good at map reading, shite at housework, swear lots and live in trainers.

Are you me? 😆

The word tomboy conveys it clearly to everyone over the age of about 35. Happy to be corrected.
A better word would be "girl" but idiots think this includes so-called trans girls. Or trans boys.
We are never going to get this language back. All we can do is persist with girl and insist it means biological juvenile human female.

Make sure she knows she is biologically female and that it is normal for females to like football, climbing trees, wearing trousers etc, not all females love pretty pink stuff...explain the real joy of being female is that you can bring human life (male and female) into the world.
All humans are born from a biological female's body....that is awesome.

😂😂😂

Every single holiday club and sports club my daughter has been to has led to my daughter asking questions about at least one person in the group. And she's not even secondary yet.
My colleagues with children in secondary are just gritting their teeth.

Are you living under a childless rock or are you under 18?

I haven't RTFT yet but there seems to be a lot of good advice on the thread.

Personally, I wouldn't use the word "tomboy" either. I don't think it sends the right message, and it's an old-fashioned idea that I wasn't comfortable with the in early 80s as a child, and am not now as a parent.

Regarding the OP, I had this issue but the other way around and I acknowledge the concerns are less terrifying for boys. Although their stereotypical hobby /fashion /personality choices seem more restricted than girls, they have the luxury of, well, being boys in a patriarchal world. Not sexualised from puberty and no periods to contend with.

Anyway, aside from being constantly miss gendered by strangers up until puberty (never a problem because he doesn't view girls as lesser) the comments from children were about hair and fashion choices. Some were from kids who'd obviously received some kind of trans ideology training at school, and others were from kids who were brought up to follow gender stereotypes. There's not much difference between "that's a girl's t-shirt" and "so are you a girl now?". Both are horribly regressive points of view, learned from the trusted adults in their lives.

Mate if you're offended by referring to males as males and females as females because it "reduces people to genitals" you are going to be fucking LIVID when you discover that trans activists have pushed to reduce women (and never men) to their genital function "menstruators" "cervix havers" "birthing bodies".

Gosh, when you've processed your disappointment with transactivism do come back to this board to debrief.

By the way I think my genitals are awesome. Reduce away. They have given me good sex and children. But they also allow me to wear trousers, be good at map reading, shite at housework, swear lots and live in trainers.

But it is widely accepted that we address people based on gender identity rather than biological sex because that would be very degrading to reduce people to genitals.

The most sexist thing I've read all year.

Greer says it best: twitter.com/womenreadwomen/status/1422890831615168526?s=21&t=SToS-lUDc9jzDeFASLLZPg

The fact is that this stuff you mentioned - ie ‘terms’ etc - is usually a propaganda tool of men who are misogynists who want to have power over women. Like men who want to play rugby against women because they can’t man-up to play against men. We have to look on them for the weird pathetic specimens they and instruct our children accordingly.