The Girlfriend who didn’t exist

The poor man was completely humiliated and vilified by the media for being gay. Yes he had an NFL career but his experience of that would have been completely different had this not happened to him. How many other people had to answer questions about their sexuality before the draft? Had team mates swerve them because they are not trusted anymore? He endured mental health difficulties for years and the experience will stay with him like any trauma.

I'm hoping they meant "romance" hoax but that might be giving them too much credit.

All this.

when it came out in the US it was incredibly embarrassing for him. There was a trend where you’d throw your arm over an invisible person and post like you had your girlfriend there. People got creative.

at first it was thought that he was just so very very stupid. A true dullard.

Its a more recent thing to take Mr Catfishes side and frame it as a gender thing. When it all went down it was on him and he looked a right fool.

Now we are meant to take into this emotional grifters take.

I wonder if all those love scammers who take women and men for whatever they have fall back on “it made them happy at the time.” I wonder also how many of us have had partners in the past who lied and played along … it’s not as easy as this man makes it.

Seriously though, this fake GF was made fun of to a ridiculous degree. He is strong to have survived it, but he is forever going to be thought of as mentally lacking in the BEST case scenario, worst case he is thought of as a complicit grifter. They were merciless….

Clearly the catfisher was in the wrong and even said they have no regrets I believe (in the doc). What Manti was put through during and after was ridiculous.

But do you think Manti perhaps enjoyed all the attention and special treatment before the hoax was revealed? It’s very strange to call someone your girlfriend when you’ve never met them. And he kept that part quiet.

@JunkIsland

The draft prediction thing really depends on the source and timing. The mainstream sources tend to overvalue players who succeed at large colleges in competitive divisions because of profile, and they also tend to put out projection articles early on in the year. Sites that are run and staffed by independents tend to have a more nuanced approach to player evaluation based on career projection and fit, and potential for physical development over actual college output. Some of them are also less inclined to paint themselves into a corner by tagging players to go in specific spots, and will talk more in terms of ceilings/floors for where a specific player might go.

There's no denying that Te'o was a productive college talent, and playing at a significant programme he was always going to garner attention before moving to the Pros. The questions over how he projected at NFL level were always about his small size and limited athleticism rather than his character or off-field events. Opinions from after Te'o's awful Combine performance were still split on whether he was a legitimate 1st round talent, or whether he was destined to be yet another of the countless athletes who are stars at Collegiate level but completely fail to make any impact in the NFL. The people who didn't believe the off-field stuff was a factor and did not have doubts about how his play projected to NFL level were largely suggesting that he may well have been a low 1st round choice, that much is absolutely true, however there were also other sources who, (correctly in my opinion), didn't really pay any heed to the off-field distractions in any case, because they felt that at a fundamental level Te'o simply lacked the necessary physical tools to translate what he did at college into the Pro game. Those were the people who felt that he wasn't worth investing any more than a 3rd to 4th round pick in, and even the opinions of some of the mainstream sources who had earlier had him tagged as a low 1st round choice changed somewhat after that terrible Combine, as that was more of a naked look at what Te'o was about athletically rather than evaluating him purely on footballing performance.

I admit, my earlier assertion that nobody had Te'o down as a 1st rounder is incorrect. I still stand by my basic point though that his career was not 'ruined' by what happened to him off the field. When he was selected by the Chargers there were people aghast that they'd pick a player with his physical shortcomings that highly, but those would have been the same people who felt he wasn't worth that slot, whereas the people projecting him as a 1st round choice, and quite possibly Te'o himself, would understandably believe that he had 'fallen' in the draft due to the whole girlfriend saga.

Again, I can only point to the fact that his Combine output backed up what the doubters were saying, and that his actual NFL performance, such as it was, was on a par with what you could realistically expect from a player taken lower in the draft than Te'o was in reality. Confidence is great, but it doesn't give you the strength to shed the blocks of much larger men in the NFL, wrap up tackles on stronger backs, or give you the added agility and quickness to cover Ends down the field, all things Te'o did perfectly well in college but struggled with in the Pros due to the very deficiencies that the 'doubters' were talking about pre-draft. History is full of players who were dominant in college but either flopped, or didn't even make it to the NFL. It's not uncommon, and it's rarely because of distractions like the Te'o saga, it's more often than not down to the fact that the two levels of the sport are night and day apart, and starring in one does not automatically impart you with the ability to star in the other. Te'o did not 'fail' and NFL level, he just never reproduced his performance level he showed at Notre Dame. That may have been surprising to some, but at the same time there were plenty of others who predicted exactly that and did not view it as in any way a shock.

I suppose the truth would be that being taken after a trade up in the 2nd was a scenario that nobody really foresaw, both those who thought he merited a 1st round pick, and those who didn't believe he was worth the 2nd the Chargers spent on him. It's also the case though that he did have/has a reasonably lengthy and lucrative career regardless, just not that of a megastar, but then there was nothing about his college play that suggested he was destined to be an NFL 'megastar' in any case, not unless he could find a way to grow a couple of inches, put on 20llbs, and somehow get faster at the same time. His shortcomings were never about heart, intelligence, or even a lack of opportunity handed to him in the pros, they were entirely down to his own (relatively speaking) lack of size, strength, and speed.

Pre-draft opinions are just that, opinions. It's rare that there are more than two or three players in any single draft that everyone, without exception, agrees are destined for success in the pros. Te'o was never close to being one of those types of players, so I don't think it's in any way realistic to suggest that he had megastardom taken away from him. He was still given the exact same opportunity to play, start, and perform in the NFL that he would have been given had he been the 1st overall selection, arguably more so since he went to a superior team than he would have had he been picked 1st overall, and yet he was decidedly average across the length of his first contract, struggled with all the things, and in the exact manner that many thought he would, did not earn a second contract, and was released after four seasons. That is not a successful return on a 2nd round investment. As a sidenote, the GM who chose Te'o has a long standing habit of completely blowing 2nd round choices, so Te'o is not alone in that regard.

Had Te'o performed in the NFL like the superstar he was touted as, his draft position would have been rendered inconsequential as he would still have earned a huge second, and possibly third contract, and would still be playing right now at 31 years of age. He was given every opportunity to make that happen, but time and time again he was found wanting no matter how the team tried to use him. He wasn't stout enough to stop the run, and wasn't swift enough to cover receivers, so he fundamentally lacked the necessary variables that would permit him to play at 'star' level despite being given the opportunity to prove that he could do it. He was capable enough to play in the league as a back-up and rotational player, but that's not what you'd expect if you were a team investing a 2nd round pick, so by any fair measure he did not play up to his billing or investment as it was, and at no point could anyone have justified spending a 1st round pick. Hype and profile has a lot to answer for when it comes to expectations placed on young college players, hence why there are so many horrendous mis-evaluations and colossal busts in the Pros. Te'o wasn't a 'bust' as such, but he was still an underperformer, predictably so in my opinion.

Yes wow I just finished this too. I feel so sorry for Manti but what a stand up guy to forgive Naya and wish her the best.

It truly is sickening how the media turns on people though

No remorse or regret expressed above the achievement of notrtity and confidence. Appalling.

This was a disgusting hoax and the person involved should've portrayed sympathetically at all. They mentally destroyed him. Caused him to be a joke and he bullied publicly in the media. They do not deserve any sympathy at all.

The Guardian article talks about the documentary giving an insight into the catfisher’s state of mind in carrying out the hoax. I don’t think it did that at all, actually, or at least not how the Guardian implies. If a novelist had written a cat fishing character based on the ‘insight’ provided by Naya’s comments, I’d consider it a trite and unconvincing portrayal. She talked about obsession and compulsion in a light and unengaged way - no light at all was shone on what is extreme, unusual and unempathetic behaviour.

Re the draft question, the search ‘Manti Te’O draft’ brings up contemporaneous several articles referring to him ‘finally’ getting picked or dropping down. CNBC: “On most draft projections, he was a top-10 pick.” An article from Jan 2013 predicts top 20. Regardless of how his career played out, it does seem like he didn’t do as well as predicted, although the more sober articles put it down to recent performance (which I guess he would link to the hoax). I didn’t see anything talking about third or fourth round.

“I knew it was selfish but it made me happy.”

What’s the “but” doing in there? Just selfish.

If the hoax was revealed today, Manti would be roundly chastised for being transphobic in not dating poor marginalised "Naya". Ronaiah is pitiful in so far as he came from a very religious background where his homosexuality would not be accepted but he remains a thoroughly unpleasant and unrepentant predator.

I've come here after reading the Guardian article hoping to find others similarly outraged! Glad not to be disappointed.

What a horrible thing to do to a sweet young man. But of course it's all okay because Naya is trans and learnt more about herself! Manti had all the consequences. It's infuriating. Piece of shit, lying, selfish manipulative fraudster. So utterly self-absorbed! So entitled! And the Guardian being sympathetic pissed me off. I suppose only a transphobe would take issue with Naya and the awful, sociopathic behaviour.

When the catfish spoke about how they had put themselves on the back burner for years my mind truly boggled

Maybe they should have spent a bit less time breathing down the phone pretending to be in a coma, and more time in intense therapy.

The start of the documentary shows this person catfished a string of other men before Manti. Horrible person. Utterly without shame or regret.

Also very revealing about how the imaginary persona takes over from reality. I'm sure some trans widows would have some interesting takes on this phenomenon.

I think there's a bit of revisionism going on. Absolutely nobody was 'stunned at his late draft', the complete opposite in fact. Most knowledgeable commentators had Te'o down as a 4th round pick, perhaps late 3rd at best, so there was a lot of confusion and disbelief when the Chargers traded up in the 2nd round to take him. Most people thought that was a round and a half too high at the time, and his performance on the field did nothing at all to prove them wrong.

They have a documentary to make, a story to tell, so it's not remotely surprising they'll bend the truth slightly for dramatic effect.

And as a "question of identity"?

I think they mean because Manti and his parents dismissed all the red flags early on because the fake girl was part of their minority culture/religion (his dad says this in the doc) and because Manti was finding it really hard to fit in at a catholic school far from home as a Polynesian Mormon so the catfish was easily able to exploit his social/cultural/religious isolation in that context.

No they are saying it was a ‘romantic hoax’ because the hoax was that Te’o thought he was in a ‘romantic’ relationship.

"the romantic hoax at the heart of Te’o’s national humiliation was about much deeper and more interesting questions of identity, faith and belonging – for minorities in particular – in early 21st century America".

Are they seriously setting the scene of someone being humiliated as romantic? And as a "question of identity"?

Cruel, cruel behaviour from that creature.
Self absorbed, self important and no one else matters as she learned so much about herself. What is she bragging about? That she learned that she's a liar?
That she is heartless? That she impacted horribly on a decent young man?
I don't care about her being trans but wonder why she doesn't aim to be a decent human being.

I suggest you read the last 3 paras of the Guardian article. It is very clear from Manti's own words that the experience has had and continues to have a huge impact on his confidence on the football field. Yes, I would call that destroying what could have been for him

That may well be what he believes, but the simple fact is he was nowhere near good enough physically to warrant being drafted any higher than he was, and his shortcomings on the field itself are entirely down to his limited size and athletic ability. No amount of added confidence would overcome those.

The documentary states he was drafted far later than expected which potentially cost him millions of dollars and impacted his career

That's simply untrue.

I am a huge NFL fan, have been for decades. It was my team that drafted Te'o. They moved up in the draft to specifically to take him. At the time it was almost a universal opinion that the team had 'reached' for a player whose ability did not warrant drafting him that highly. As his career panned out, it was obvious they were correct. He didn't even earn a second contract with the team that drafted him, which is the single biggest indicator there is that they blew the pick, he didn't warrant the draft slot, and that he did not play to a level commensurate with the investment made in him.

He was ridiculed and mocked mercilessly. Teams didn’t want to draft him in case he was gay. And yet he has forgiveness in his heart where as the one that caused the chaos only considers their emergence from the chrysalis

Yes he was mocked, that's true, and there was some suggestion that some teams had blacklisted him over concerns about his sexuality, but my point was that despite all this, one team went ahead and drafted him at a spot where his talent didn't really merit the selection in any case, they were roundly criticised for this, not because of any off-field concerns, but because of the perception that the player didn't merit that on ability, and in the fullness of time the people who felt that the player was overhyped as a football player were proved true. He was given a chance over and above what his ability merited, and that came with being paid over and above what his production merited.

Manti Te'o still had a lucrative and reasonably lengthy career in the NFL despite the sideshow of his college days, but there's absolutely nothing whatsoever that suggests he'd have achieved anything above and beyond what he actually did achieve if the whole saga had never happened. He just wasn't physically capable of it, and he wasn't actually that talented in the first place.

Nothing that happened to Manti Te'o affected his career.

I suggest you read the last 3 paras of the Guardian article. It is very clear from Manti's own words that the experience has had and continues to have a huge impact on his confidence on the football field. Yes, I would call that destroying what could have been for him.

its the self centred entitlement that comes through that sums up so many things for me

I agree - I guess people see what they want to see in the documentary, but I definitely felt the portrayal of Manti's deep devastation over the whole situation and his maturity in seeking help and working through his hurt and confusion juxtaposed with Naya prancing around in a skirt said it all.

The lack of self-awareness was astounding, especially when Naya basically said they didn't regret it doing such a terrible thing to Manti as it helped them to work through who they truly are as a person - WTF?? It takes a truly terrible and deranged person to put someone through the coma thing every day for a month, faking the breathing and everything- that's insane behaviour.

And I don't believe for a second that was Naya's voice on the phone calls, otherwise why wouldn't Naya use that far more female-sounding voice for themselves now? Many transwomen pay a small fortune for vocal coaching and similar to sound even half as 'female' as Naya's supposed phone voice, so I'm calling bullshit. Also, it seems obvious when Naya starts talking about the phone voice in the doc that there's more to it than 'oh, that's totally my voice that I can do' - it's just not, hence the fact it can only be reproduced behind a curtain. Bizarre and awful.

It’s the ‘well it’s all totally fine because I learned something about myself’ justification that really sticks in your craw. The egocentrism. And then the journalist presenting it as if it’s totally reasonable, defensible even on that basis.

I gave up on the guardian article when it started whittering on about deadnaming.