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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Concept of ‘exclusively same sex attracted’

938 replies

aseriesofstillimages · 07/08/2022 12:36

I have seen various people on this forum say that to be gay or a lesbian is to be ‘exclusively same sex attracted’, and that therefore, for example, a woman who is attracted to or in a relationship with a trans woman cannot correctly describe herself as a lesbian.

Setting aside the problems with presuming to correct another person’s understanding of their own identity, I can’t see how this absolutist approach is logically sustainable. If I am a non-trans woman who has only ever - to my knowledge - been attracted to other non-trans women, but then am attracted to and get off with a woman in a bar who I subsequently find out is trans, do I immediately stop being a lesbian? What if I don’t stop finding the trans woman attractive after learning that she’s trans? What if I never find out she was trans - is it the case that I have ceased being a lesbian, but will never know this?

OP posts:
Fimofriend · 14/08/2022 15:56

"What if I never find out she was trans?"
Delusional much? An open frontal surgery wound not only looks and smells differently than a vagina, it is also in the wrong place. Even if you couldn't tell because of the larger hands, the Adam's apple, the coarser skin, and the deeper voice you would definitely be able to tell when the clothes came off.

TheWeeDonkey · 13/08/2022 12:43

aseriesofstillimages · 12/08/2022 23:16

I am most certainly a lawyer, and in this area.

In the area of what?

Denying homosexuality?
Removing lesbians rights to define themselves?
Convincing lesbians they just haven't had the right 🍆 yet?

ArcheryAnnie · 13/08/2022 12:43

Also, what the OP is labelling as "trans inclusion" I would label as "homophobia and rape culture". Labels matter.

ArcheryAnnie · 13/08/2022 12:24

aseriesofstillimages · 12/08/2022 23:16

I am most certainly a lawyer, and in this area.

God help us all.

donquixotedelamancha · 13/08/2022 09:54

who are always claiming there are many more, too afraid to speak out - but I’ve seen no evidence to support that.

Look at the crowdfunders for GC cases, the huge increase in FWR traffic over the last decade, the number of letters to MPs and media resulting in this becoming a big story.

This is a niche issue so these large numbers of engaged people represent the tip of the iceberg- most people do not believe men can literally become women. They don't go on about it in much the same way that most people don't bring up the fact they believe the earth is round.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 13/08/2022 09:30

No, they shouldn’t put honey in the food of the vegans who don’t eat honey.

Then hold that thought, and the rest of what you wrote, too. I'm very glad you said all that, but a surprising number of people would tell you it's transphobic. Some people would say it was transphobic even if the transwomen didn't pass because transwomen are women, and if they don't pass as women, well, they're just extending the definition of what a woman is.

Though I am not convinced that "passing" as a woman physically is a thing, not once you get close enough for sexual intimacy. With or without surgery there are physical differences that would be hard to hide.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 13/08/2022 09:00

As pp have said, it's ridiculous to suggest that lesbians are "biological females or males with a GRC attracted to biological females or males with a GRC", because having a GRC is simply based on a stupid, unworkable law is completely arbitrary and has no bearing on appearance, presentation, presence or lack of a penis.

BernardBlacksWineIcelolly · 13/08/2022 08:48

aseriesofstillimages · 13/08/2022 00:14

That all sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I’m sorry if anyone has tried to pressure you into having sex with people you don’t want to.

How gracious you are!

I find it interesting that you haven’t addressed the long and inglorious history of creepy men trying to persuade lesbians that their particular dick is the one they want, and explained why no transwomen actively pursuing relationships with lesbians fall into this category?

any chance you could touch on this point?

DaughterofDawn · 13/08/2022 05:13

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 13/08/2022 00:37

Yep!

I don't talk about this stuff at work because it's too big a risk.

Us simple people who are working a regular 9-5 job and just trying to feed our kids can’t really afford to risk being canceled can we? If it happens to a celeb they probably have a savings, a plan to sell a book, record or whatever or they have an entire team of people there to clean up the mess. What safety net do we have? Homeless shelters…

Blister · 13/08/2022 04:14

Bloody hell. Still banging on about how to legally get males into lesbians pants.

It doesn't matter how many words you drown it in, we can all still see it.

ImWell · 13/08/2022 00:43

Ereshkigalangcleg · 13/08/2022 00:39

It's a total mystery why gender critical feminists wouldn't make themselves known.

Indeed, I mean, given that the trans response is to welcome some critical and robust debate, in a spirit of academic discussion, I just can’t work out why anyone would hide their light under a bushel on this.

LK1972 · 13/08/2022 00:43

Ereshkigalangcleg · 13/08/2022 00:39

It's a total mystery why gender critical feminists wouldn't make themselves known.

Well, quite Hmm

Ereshkigalangcleg · 13/08/2022 00:39

It's a total mystery why gender critical feminists wouldn't make themselves known.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 13/08/2022 00:37

Ereshkigalangcleg · 13/08/2022 00:31

am aware of a much smaller number of GC people, who are always claiming there are many more, too afraid to speak out - but I’ve seen no evidence to support that.

Sorry to tell you we are everywhere 😂

Yep!

I don't talk about this stuff at work because it's too big a risk.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 13/08/2022 00:31

am aware of a much smaller number of GC people, who are always claiming there are many more, too afraid to speak out - but I’ve seen no evidence to support that.

Sorry to tell you we are everywhere 😂

Ereshkigalangcleg · 13/08/2022 00:27

*accommodated

Ereshkigalangcleg · 13/08/2022 00:26

Because either people who are need to be included in that or a change in law is needed to accompany them.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 13/08/2022 00:23

@aseriesofstillimages do you believe that there is no such thing as being only attracted to the same biological sex as you?

LK1972 · 13/08/2022 00:17

@aseriesofstillimages Every, single, trainer from FDA has been a white 50+ bloke.

Not enough experienced women around?

Or pure, ingrained left-wing union man misogyny?

Unions have ALL swallowed this crap, so what? Handmaidens happy to allow men in women's spaces on behalf of all women for a pat on the back and crumbs off the table don't prove anything.

aseriesofstillimages · 13/08/2022 00:17

aseriesofstillimages · 13/08/2022 00:14

That all sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I’m sorry if anyone has tried to pressure you into having sex with people you don’t want to.

And I agree on people getting too caught up with labels. I was reluctant to call myself bi for quite a while (having been attracted to men and women since around 13) simply because I resented having to categorise myself on the basis of the sex/gender of the people I was attracted to - it felt very arbitrary and unnecessary.

OP posts:
aseriesofstillimages · 13/08/2022 00:14

DaughterofDawn · 13/08/2022 00:01

Honestly I feel a bit like many get too caught up in labels on both sides. Transness can throw a wrench into things a bit. Frankly for the sake of dating apps I do think there needs to be more specific categories. But if you aren’t sure or there’s no word to describe it it’s okay and it’s not up to others to try to put you into a box. I know some people who describe themselves as heteroflexible for instance. Basically they are attracted to the opposite sex and open to others so long as they present and pass as the opposite sex. I suppose there could be names such as flex lesbian or flex gay but when others start getting more specific some folks get very outraged. It’s silly. As a bi woman myself I’m an outcast in the LGBT+ community because I’m only attracted to cis people. It’s not that I don’t like trans people and I don’t think they can be sexy. Sure they can be. But they do nothing for me in bed. I don’t feel like it’s my job to justify this. I don’t owe anyone sex. I And I’m not letting anyone guilt me into sleeping with them just because they call me a bigot for something I did not choose.

That all sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I’m sorry if anyone has tried to pressure you into having sex with people you don’t want to.

OP posts:
Ereshkigalangcleg · 13/08/2022 00:12

Once again, those are the explanatory notes, they are not part of the legislation. The term lesbian does not appear anywhere in the legislation, so it cannot be defined there.

The entirety of trans male entitlement to lesbian women's spaces is based on this and similar extrapolations.

aseriesofstillimages · 13/08/2022 00:12

LK1972 · 13/08/2022 00:07

@aseriesofstillimages I wouldn't touch FDA with a barge pole, full of white men of a certain age, chasing woke cookies. What a joke using their conference as an example of a prevailing mood!

You're only aware of the brace ones. I'm not out yet, but am gearing up and waiting for a right moment. I think CS HR are not actually stupid, and have been quietly and effectively dealing with this crap for years. They've now been empowered by the stated Government position.

It is not a job of disgruntled civil servants to wage a war against the Ministers they ideologically disagree. The activists in CS do not have any real support or engagement, I've been in those meetings, they're awful-everyone just nods along in fear, with some woke 25-yr old 'queer' in het relationship provides the chorus.

Well all I can say is that my experience is very different to yours, and we will all just have to wait and see where things go.

i’d be surprised though if the FDA was significantly more male than female in composition though - I would say the FDA members I know are more female than male. And certainly the members who stood up to speak in favour of the trans inclusion motion at the conference were predominantly female.

OP posts:
aseriesofstillimages · 13/08/2022 00:08

ImWell · 12/08/2022 23:47

But your assurance is worthless. You’ve been caught bang to rights on this thread lying about or just misunderstanding the act, so why would anyone accept an assurance from you that you know better?

Are you claiming to actually be a lawyer here, or just another bloody TRA who’ll say or write anything it furthers the cause of men invading women’s single-sex spaces?

Can you explain where I’ve lied about the Act please? I think there must have been some misunderstanding.

OP posts:
LK1972 · 13/08/2022 00:07

@aseriesofstillimages I wouldn't touch FDA with a barge pole, full of white men of a certain age, chasing woke cookies. What a joke using their conference as an example of a prevailing mood!

You're only aware of the brace ones. I'm not out yet, but am gearing up and waiting for a right moment. I think CS HR are not actually stupid, and have been quietly and effectively dealing with this crap for years. They've now been empowered by the stated Government position.

It is not a job of disgruntled civil servants to wage a war against the Ministers they ideologically disagree. The activists in CS do not have any real support or engagement, I've been in those meetings, they're awful-everyone just nods along in fear, with some woke 25-yr old 'queer' in het relationship provides the chorus.