How to refuse to share pronouns verbally

I'd think I'd say " Actually I don't find declaring my pronouns necessary. Please just use my name".

I like that. This pronoun bullshit really gets my goat.

Ok I see. Thanks to everyone for explaining what you dislike about it. This was very helpful -

I actually have no wish to upset anyone; I don't care if others wish to declare their pronouns. The problem is that I find it immensely upsetting to be prompted to mouth a belief I do not uphold. In fact, I find that belief damaging and dangerous, particularly to women.

@Braggiography I do think my assumptions were wrong. I thought that the resistance was due to not liking the gender ideology movement. But it seems to be that people on this thread think that you should not compel others to use certain pronouns, because as a matter of linguistics pronouns are for others to decice, and not the person that those pronouns refer to. I don't know about that, I think I'd be peeved if people were calling me 'they'. But it at least makes sense to me.

Also yes, to answer your question from earlier - I do think that people who think of themselves as pronounless are "weird"!

I haven't decided what my pronouns are yet, as Ive been working on my adjectives. Brilliant, witty, engaging, stunning and brave are the key words. Im mandating their use in any and all discussions about me where I am not present. And particularly in any kind of performance review. I'll be circulating a document later with the comprehensive list. Any deviations will be regarded as a hate crime.

Don't give any pronouns and if questioned say "I really don't mind" or "I can't commit to that" or "I find that intrusive/insensitive"

Say 'Hello, I'm Jane'. And stop there and look firmly at the next person. I think they would have to be pretty dreadfully woke to press you for them if it's obvious you've finished speaking and don't wish to specify pronouns. If they are daft enough to follow up, just say 'I'm female' pointedly.

Pamela, shoe size 5, non practicing Christian, pescatarian, parent of two cockers and a goldfish …. Oh sorry guess you know me pretty well now hope that covers it, looking forward to learning about course subject

'Em, I'm a woman, so....she/her?' while looking as if you have been asked the most ridiculous, stupid question with the most obvious answer. Look around the room as if you are wondering if it's some kind of joke. Extra points for confused shrug. Finish it off by whispering loudly, faux offended, to the person beside you, 'why did they ask me that, do I look like a man!?'

"Hi I'm Alice. Please respect my right not to use pronouns and refer to me by my name. Thankyou"

If pushed I'd probably say 'I leave it up to others to refer to me however they feel is appropriate . It's worked fine up until now.'

Playing along with the idea that there is some sort of sexed “soul” that differs from a person’s sex is a religious view.

I like this way of putting it very much.

Pronouns in English are based on a person’s sex, and yes, you can tell a person’s sex when you meet them.

Playing along with the idea that there is some sort of sexed “soul” that differs from a person’s sex is a religious view.

Jane: Hi, I'm Jane. Really happy to be here with you all.

<looks expectantly at next person>

facilitator: 'and your pronouns?'

Jane: Oh. As you can probably tell, I'm a woman.

facilitator: 'so, is it she/her?'

Jane: Well, the words you use are up to you.

<looks expectantly at next person again>

"Hmmm I've not decided, can you come back to me later"

You don't get to tell other people what they should say..
If people want to refer to me as "he" or "they", let them. It's no skin off my nose.

*saveforthat
I'm still angry from a course I went to a couple of weeks ago where the ice breaker was to get up from your desk and stand next to your pronoun (hand made paper signs).

Was there paper and pens for people to write their own pronouns if the one they were looking for wasn't available?

I'd have been tempted to write "me/I/my" and stand next to it"*

I'd have been tempted to write "fuck/off" and stand next to it.

By the way I've been to events where what is your star sign is an icebreaker, I've answered. Tell you what though - one deeply relgious person did refuse to, on the basis that it went against their relgion because they didn't believe in star signs. And let me tell you, it was not the people answering who came across like the ideology fanatic.

Asking star signs is laughable. I would think anyone who did that was too silly to be taken seriously.

Or my fave 'I'm not bothered about pronouns but my adjectives are [hardcore / badass]'

'No thank you'.

If pushed on it, say that you don't want to put people in a situation where they feel they have to make a decision to share their identity in case they are not ready.

And also that the whole thing is bullshit

but I might say "ask him to pass it to her"

How rude and abrupt. I wouldn't say that.

I would say "ask Bob to pass it to Sara".

What about just stating your name and if asked further say, 'What do you mean, pronouns?' And if asked again, say, 'Why would you ask that?' Just keep looking blank, slightly puzzled but polite.

I mean, there is a limit to how much time a facilitator is going to want to spend on explaining their decision to adopt a rather poorly-thought-through bit of ideology in the introduction session.

I like this too

@AgathaAllAlong I don’t “have” pronouns. They don’t belong to me — they’re simply features of language. I don’t own language. Neither does anyone else….

— As I said recently on another thread, my increasingly preferred option is just to say (as a very obviously female person who dresses in a very “feminine” way) “my pronouns are he/him” and move on without batting an eyelid. It’s just as nonsensical as all the rest of it and no-one can possibly challenge it without looking like they are being transphobic — or they just think that they have heard wrong. Anyone from HR tries to complain you aren’t taking it seriously? Either tell them your gender identity is very sensitive or just say “oh sorry I didn’t really understand what we were being asked to do.”

The beauty of it is that it usefully points up the total idiocy of it all whilst still apparently playing “within the rules”. After all, I think I have quite a masculine personality as a lesbian who takes no shit at work; why shouldn’t I try out identifying as a man every so often? Maybe I’ll get paid the same as my male colleagues! That would be a bonus! 😃

Am also looking forward to hearing myself described as “he/him” for the first time 👍

Maybe some of us don’t want to play the pronouns circle game as some of us don’t want to participate in or normalise narcissistic behaviours…

It isn’t that we don’t use pronouns simply that we don’t demand that others use particular pronouns about us. We accept that each individual has his or her own perceptions about us (correctly perceiving our sex 99.9% of the time) which is a lot less weird than telling people to ignore their own perceptions and suspend their judgments. Also I reckon most of us don’t feel that our existence is threatened by people forming their own opinions of us because most of us are not narcissists with a fragile false self to protect. Therefore most of us won’t fly into a narcissistic rage if we are taken for something we are not.

"No thanks. I don't have a gender identity."