Dating

Last time I dated women there were plenty of places to go and I was living in Brighton at that time. Twelve years have passed and there's now nowhere. Everywhere is 'queer' and people who identify as lesbian or too young. It's a bloody shame there's no spaces free of testosterone nowadays. Do we really have to start all over again? I'm not convinced that would be possible in the current climate but if anyone has any ideas I'm all ears.

Yes! Though sadly I think the TRAs would just shut it right down. All of those apps have been under huge pressure to do the rainbow queer inclusivity stuff. It’s complete totalitarianism.

Maybe it is time MN started a subset of this board for possible friendship/ dating opportunities with pics vetted in advance. I don’t know how it could be secure. Or perhaps those interested could pm each other, taking good care of course. Well someone has to do it!

It's not that, it's the fact that there's sooo many trans women on the lesbian sites, they are ruining our lives

That bloody is true. I completely gave up on the idea of finding a female partner because the apps were full of neckbeards, and the local QWERTY space sneered at me when I wandered in and asked about places to meet women.

It wasn’t like that a few years prior, lesbian spaces were lovely and very welcoming and I met some cool women online, but it all went to shit.

Yes exactly @Circumferences — if you go on one of the apps these days they aren’t actually for lesbian women per se at all: they’re now self-described as for “queer LGBT+ people” of any “identification” other than “cis man”.

And of those queer LGBT+ people of any identification that isn’t “cis man”, hardly any are actual lesbian women. So no surprise that the majority of people popping up are those who are other “LGBTQ+“ identifications.

It's not fiction that the majority of people on lesbian dating sites/apps are people with a penis.

Actual lesbians have been driven off these sites because of the influx of young men (who are more likely to use such sites) who have an Identity crisis.

Users of general dating sites and apps ordinarily are made up of approximately 70% people with a penis and 30% people with fallopian tubes already. LGBT sites will have similar stats.

So tell us who you get on the apps when you search for, say, lesbian women in their forties and fifties? Who’s popping up when you do that?

All of the main apps are completely full of “queer”/LGBT+/pronouns/“gender identity” discourse etc. Where do you find lesbian women on them who are just ordinary women in their 50s who aren’t into the whole pronouns/“queer”/rainbow hair/gender identity stuff? You know, what lesbian women in their 50s are actually like? (I’ve never yet heard a lesbian friend or colleague my age or older - and I know a fair few as well as being a lesbian myself - describe herself as “queer”, or be in into the pronouns stuff). I know gay women of all kinds of what the youth call “gender presentation”, from very femme to butch; but they’re all professional women who are academics, doctors, scientists, civil servants etc. - they aren’t part of the youth LGBTQ+ scene at all. There are plenty of women like that, but they aren’t on Taimi, Zoe or Her or any of the others as far as I can tell.

In fact I’d go so far as to say that the whole “queer” ambiance of those apps puts older LB women completely off, hence the large number of transwomen on them. (Queer is still a nasty slur to people my age, and hugely alienating to many. No wonder many older lesbians aren’t into it all.)

Yes

Have you actually looked? Doesn’t sound like it.

It's not that, it's the fact that there's sooo many trans women on the lesbian sites, they are ruining our lives! I know it's not true so I'm just calling out fiction.

I’m not sure what’s meant to be unrealistic about a woman in her 50s realising she’s gay.

Despite the title of the video, KJK gave a shout-out to Dittany in a recent chat. @ 1min 55s in.

I saw that picture, the majority of women in it were straight and I'd rather they weren't in our lesbian spaces.

I came to the realisation less than a year ago (in my mid-40s) that I was open to the idea of relationships with women as well as men. I've been divorced for about 15 years and since then have a long and entirely unsuccessful on-off heterosexual dating history, so the idea of trying to find a like-minded female partner seems every more unlikely and I haven't even tried.

are there other ways of meeting women who want to date women and who know what a woman is?

Hello, I've name changed for posting here and would really love to know the answer to this question as well!

I'm bisexual but only properly realised I was sexually attracted to women a few years ago. I've used various kinds of apps over the years like Bumble and Zoe. Have used OkCupid for years and initially met some women that way. But as the whole gender ideology has taken off, it's proving harder to meet women. Lots of women on OkCupid but their profiles are all full of pronouns and special identities. It's off putting but at least it's saves us both time as I know to swipe left.
If I do match with someone and start chatting, they always go silent after a few messages. It's weird and I don't know why the coy and evasive behaviour when we both know we are looking for similar things.

I use the Giggle app too as it's only for women but obviously there aren't enough women signed up to it yet, so the dating category is quite sparse and the app needs work to be more intuitive and easy to use.

It would be great to meet other bisexual women whether for casual, serious or friendship. I just need them to be grounded in reality and not pretend they don't know what a woman is!!

About 3 years ago on a boozy night out my lesbian mate set me up a profile on a lesbian dating site to prove a point. She used certain phrases like 'new to all this' 'still finding my lesbian feet'. By midnight i had in the region of 20 responses, about half were definitely not female.

She shrugged and said lesbian spaces don't exist anymore. Every local lesbian bar i know has closed. They had no choice but to include male lesbians, but when they did their clientele disappeared. I think it has all gone a bit underground. And from what i hear, there are still lots of women having lots of fun and quite enjoying a bit of subterfuge, but a keen awareness that younger lesbians have no place to call their own.

Where are these lesbian bars…? Seriously. Tell me! As far as I’m aware there aren’t any any more.

I’ve only ever met my (female) partners accidentally or through work, so I also (in my forties) have no idea where to go to meet lesbian women. There are no longer any of the gay/lesbian nights or events I remember from 20, 25 years ago in my town. I also looked at dating apps but it’s completely true that there are tons of men / transwomen on them and few older women. I don’t know where I would meet likeminded women myself to be honest! eg. who don’t see themselves as “queer” or “rainbow”; just boring old normal lesbian women in their forties….

I don’t find the OP implausible at all; I’ve had the same experience.

If @thistimelastweek is saying she isn't buying the notion that a woman wrote this, I would agree with her for the simple fact this is the internet and any tom, dick or harry can claim to be anything they want. Furthermore for someone her age to feign ignorance of lesbian bars is not believable or for that matter lesbians organizations (especially someone on this board)