Is it OK to be undecided about certain things?

When I first heard of Bathroom Bills in my country, I thought it was ridiculous as the rare trans people I knew were gay men who only lived in large cities and they must be talking about bathrooms at clubs...I thought it was a mountain out of a molehill situation.

How naive I was...within a very, very short amount of time, young people started cropping up as trans or non-binary or gender fluid and soon I lost count of how many. Knowing these children as I did, I saw pain, trauma, neurodivergent issues and lots of mental health distress...and trans was this magic pill that would make their lives perfect.

Then, I started learning about how many AGPs there were and how girls were expected to shut up and ignore their boundaries. That, and the Women's March where pussy hats were somehow considered offensive, did it for me. I've always been a feminist, but I would never have imagined this would be the issue for feminism.

As for bathrooms, well, a few women and men can now waive the consent of all women and girls. That is how I came to change my mind on the bathrooms.

Yes I think it’s OK. I think I’m always undecided in one way, in that I base my views on evidence and science, so if that changes, I’ll change my mind. I’m always reviewing what I think and double-checking it makes sense to me, especially on this issue, and I will listen to people with different views because it helps me clarify and modify mine.

You don’t have to take a side either - you could decide what you think and it still might not fully align with one or other extreme in any given debate.

I used to be undecided but now I am not so sure

It’s okay in the sense that of course it’s okay - you can’t help it.

People who are radicalised won’t find it okay.

Of course it’s OK to be neutral or undecided. Why wouldn’t it be?

I am very left-leaning and have LBG people in my life that I love dearly and whole-heartedly believe should have exactly the same rights as everyone else.

When the trans thing began to emerge, I unquestioningly defaulted to the exacted same position - good for them, live your best life.

I definitely do not think like that any more, because unlike civil rights, gay rights, women’s rights (in which equality for the oppressed group doesn’t infringe on equality of anyone else), trans (women’s) rights absolutely does impinge upon women’s rights, and trans activism is profoundly misogynistic.

Clearly I am never going to be OK with that.

Yes, of course. It's a sensible position to take while researching, considering, weighing evidence and reading up.

Some of these issues are nuanced and involve a bit of complexity.

I think it's fine to be honest and say there are some instances where you don't know what the right answer is or where a line should be drawn.

Honestly, I was like you a few years ago. I think I'm still more 'neutral' than some on here, but for me the hugest problems arise when laws and policies are written, because there is not much room for nuance there - black/white lines have to be drawn.

Having a preformed definitive conclusion before examining unfamiliar arguments and concepts would be odd. Of course it's ok to be undecided in that situation.

Of course it is ok to be undecided or on the fence about some things. It is even ok to change your mind about some things over time because if you never stop learning, new information is then always being assessed and that can result in coming to a different opinion than you had before. Never feel like you have to be decided and or that you have stick to any decision.

Well right and wrong are very subjective terms so of course everyone on opposing sides will think they’re right and there’s nothing wrong with being able to see both sides. However, here on the feminist board we tend to come down on the side of what is best for women as a class, whatever the benefits to others.

I’m sure if you do some research you’ll probably end up falling further to one side of an argument than the other, because generally there will be more persuasive arguments one way than another depending on who’s making them, the width and breadth of their experience.

It's a lot better than going into a new situation determined that you already know what you think about it.