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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Do pronouns feel alien to anyone else?

466 replies

janeseymour78 · 21/05/2022 18:42

By this, I mean I have friends who are 100% pro pronouns as a show of support and we've had our debates, and then there are others who say it is unhealthy to reinforce stereotypes, eg. By using them on work signatures

For me though, adding she/her pronouns to everything and even having being asked what they are verbally, she/her feels alien to me in a visceral way. I'm curious about this because I have several friends who don't share that feeling at all.

Im GC and I don't believe people are binary. I have elements of feminity and masculinity that whatever else that form who I am. I know I'm a woman, I have endometriosis so I'm painfully aware, as well as all the other reasons women are made aware of their sex.

It comes down to adding 'she/her' to everything would not feel right to me, as though it didn't reflect me. It would like I was falsely reinforcing my womanhood when I don't live my life that way or feel that way. Am I making sense? Do others feel this way?

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Ereshkigalangcleg · 22/05/2022 14:18

Or perhaps you know of a third?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 22/05/2022 14:17

All of those are labels created by humans.

Yes. The female reproductive role is not a label created by humans. It is one of two possible reproductive roles.

divingskies · 22/05/2022 14:16

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 14:01

@divingskies
> We are evolved with near 100% accuracy to be able to identify woman/ men on sight.

Yeah, right. This delusional "we can always tell" nonsense again. Except the countless cases where you can't.

> The word 'woman' reflects that lived experience of all of us. Its a very useful word: a word for 'adult human female' has probably existed in all human languages for as long as humans had language it is so useful.
So the word 'woman' was forged in the lived experience of all people.

You are literally describing the social construct of gender. The labels, categories, words, and social norms that humans construct around sex, are gender.

Also, lots of societies recognized more gender categories than "man" and "woman".

No, you are denying the reality of your own experience if you seriously think you cannot tell, by sight, women from men (remember, I am using those terms to refer to sex). I cannot, like most people, do this for many other species as I have no evolutionary need to, as I do not need to identify males from other species to have sex with. It is plainly not arguing with honesty or good faith to pretend that you cannot identify men from women on sight.

You are literally describing the social construct of gender. The labels, categories, words, and social norms that humans construct around sex, are gender

No, I was extremely clearly describing sex. The word woman refers to sex. Adult human female. That is what the word refers to. It refers to sex. I did not anywhere reference the stereotypes that people ascribe to sex. I referred to biological sex, and how we can spot that on sight, why its important for reproduction that we can, and why we created a word for it based on sex.

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 14:16

Ereshkigalangcleg · 22/05/2022 14:11

A woman is the noun for a human female who has reached adulthood. Like a doe is a female deer, a mare is a female horse.

All of those are labels created by humans. All words are a social construct, not inherent to biology itself.

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 14:14

Ereshkigalangcleg · 22/05/2022 14:10

labels, categories, words, and social norms that humans construct around sex, are gender.

Yes. Note how you used the words "construct around sex". It's based on sex. Sex came first, sex is material reality.

Still a social construct.

The "material reality" itself doesn't come with any labels. The labels are created by humans. The labels are gender. They are in no way inherent to "material reality", even if you choose to impose them on that basis.

So why should we accept your rigid binary?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 22/05/2022 14:14

Nope, you are deliberately labeling them

She's labelling them as their sex, with all that goes with that. Male people commit 98% of sex crime. Their statistical risk profile is different to women.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 22/05/2022 14:11

A woman is the noun for a human female who has reached adulthood. Like a doe is a female deer, a mare is a female horse.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 22/05/2022 14:10

labels, categories, words, and social norms that humans construct around sex, are gender.

Yes. Note how you used the words "construct around sex". It's based on sex. Sex came first, sex is material reality.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 22/05/2022 14:08

Because, obviously, women are the ones who get pregnant, bear children and the most likely to be raped. So we need to define in law what a woman is. We're also the sex with the historic record of oppression and disadvantage.

If you can't grasp that, you are either stupid or deliberately obtuse, and I can't do a lot to help you.

YY.

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 14:01

@divingskies
> We are evolved with near 100% accuracy to be able to identify woman/ men on sight.

Yeah, right. This delusional "we can always tell" nonsense again. Except the countless cases where you can't.

> The word 'woman' reflects that lived experience of all of us. Its a very useful word: a word for 'adult human female' has probably existed in all human languages for as long as humans had language it is so useful.
So the word 'woman' was forged in the lived experience of all people.

You are literally describing the social construct of gender. The labels, categories, words, and social norms that humans construct around sex, are gender.

Also, lots of societies recognized more gender categories than "man" and "woman".

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 13:56

If feminine names and pronouns are a "stereotype", then using masculine names and pronouns to refer to trans women is imposing masculine stereotypes.

Period.

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 13:55

Zerogravity · 22/05/2022 13:40

No. I am merely observing their sex. In any case, this isn't about what I do, it's about you producing this definition of gender identity that is not based on stereotypes- which you have failed to do.

Nope, you are deliberately labeling them, knowing that doing so projects sex-based stereotypes on them that are associated with "men" (labeling them as such makes it easier for you to smear them as "predatory fetishists" thanks to to those stereotypes), as well as puts pressure on them to confront to the gender norms imposed on "men".

divingskies · 22/05/2022 13:42

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 13:28

Woman – a social category and identity, typically associated with feminine names, labels and pronouns.

Which of these are a "stereotype"?

Is this a joke?!

The 'social category and identity' - what is that if not a stereotype? What is the 'identity' of woman without refering to sexist stereotypes?

Or are you saying the 'social category/identity' of woman is nothing more than a female name and pronouns?! That 'woman' is a name and a pronoun?! Because I have no words for how mad that is.

Look ,definitions reflect reality. Woman 'adult human female' reflects a reality we all live. We are evolved with near 100% accuracy to be able to identify woman/ men on sight . Because otherwise we could not so successfully reproduce. The word 'woman' reflects that lived experience of all of us. Its a very useful word: a word for 'adult human female' has probably existed in all human languages for as long as humans had language it is so useful.

So the word 'woman' was forged in the lived experience of all people.

The definition you have come up with, on the other hand, is so obviously made up to fit your gender theories. That's why its so nonsensical.

Zerogravity · 22/05/2022 13:40

No. I am merely observing their sex. In any case, this isn't about what I do, it's about you producing this definition of gender identity that is not based on stereotypes- which you have failed to do.

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 13:37

Zerogravity · 22/05/2022 13:33

Seriously? Associated with feminine names, labels?? That's talking about stereotypes!

Then in that case, by refusing to refer to trans women by their chosen names or feminine labels, you are enforcing sex-based stereotypes.

Zerogravity · 22/05/2022 13:33

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 13:28

Woman – a social category and identity, typically associated with feminine names, labels and pronouns.

Which of these are a "stereotype"?

Seriously? Associated with feminine names, labels?? That's talking about stereotypes!

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 13:28

Woman – a social category and identity, typically associated with feminine names, labels and pronouns.

Which of these are a "stereotype"?

Zerogravity · 22/05/2022 13:26

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 13:22

Gender identity ≠ stereotypes.

And you most definitely have seen such a definition, you've just ignored it. One ear in, other ear out.

Very rude aren't you. You seem unable to provide a definition but sure that I have seen one. 😂Enlighten me.

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 13:22

Zerogravity · 22/05/2022 13:17

You're the only ones who assume it makes any "sex stereotype statement" besides just using those pronouns.
Well it only makes sense if you believe in the existence of gender identity, doesn't it? And I still haven't seen a definition of gender identity that doesn't rely on sex stereotypes.

Gender identity ≠ stereotypes.

And you most definitely have seen such a definition, you've just ignored it. One ear in, other ear out.

SpringBadger · 22/05/2022 13:19

It's quite something to see the attempted process of evangelisation taking place on this very thread. "I'm not bothered about pushing my pronouns in everyone's face or loudly celebrating my womanhood from the rooftops" >>> ""Ooh, perhaps you are One Of Us... Please peruse my menu of transgender identities... Does this one fit? Here, try this one..."
This is what's happening to kids and teens all over the internet.

divingskies · 22/05/2022 13:19

You're the only ones who assume it makes any "sex stereotype statement" besides just using those pronouns

There's quite body of research on the assumptions people make based on someone's sex, so it certainly is not just me!

And as I find it hard to see how one's sex and gender can misalign without gender being based on sexist stereotypes, then stating pronouns is buying into an ideology based on sexist stereotypes, yes.

Sunquench · 22/05/2022 13:18

I think it is a massive load of shit and it also feels very, very wrong for me to do it, so I’m simply don’t.

Zerogravity · 22/05/2022 13:17

You're the only ones who assume it makes any "sex stereotype statement" besides just using those pronouns.
Well it only makes sense if you believe in the existence of gender identity, doesn't it? And I still haven't seen a definition of gender identity that doesn't rely on sex stereotypes.

divingskies · 22/05/2022 13:14

PermanentTemporary · 22/05/2022 12:50

Why not just use they/them and Mx as a standard for all? I wouldn't like it either personally, but who cares - it is much more arguable and defensible as a corporate policy than fannying about with individual preferences.

There are times sex does matter though, in personnel policies for example relating to pregnancy and maternity rights, any policies relating to menopause etc. Also in cases, say disciplinary matters in sexual harassment, it helps to bring clarity if parties are referred to by their sex (these cases overwhelmingly likely to be male/ female), as well as helping to make clear patterns of sex based harassment.

SeldomHere · 22/05/2022 13:11

divingskies · 22/05/2022 13:09

OP - I get what you are saying. By using pronouns you are suggesting that you are fitting in to a series of stereotypes that you don't necessarily buy in to

Yes. I think I get what OP means. At work my sex is irrelevant in most contexts. Its almost certainly irrelevant in terms of the email recipient. If they don't need to know it, there is no need to draw attention to it.

it makes a political statement and a sex stereotype statement I don't want to make.

You're the only ones who assume it makes any "sex stereotype statement" besides just using those pronouns.

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