Help with talking to a 12 yr old about trans issues

Id tell him that you understand thats what they believe but its not what you believe, and that you wish his friends sibling happiness and health, but from your own research, you fear that this is a process with lots of dangers and the potential for regret is too huge.
That if he is hoping to change your mind on this or insinuate youre not allowed to believe in the truth, then thats a problem. Id ask him if he was going to cancel me then can he let you know, so you can stop doing his washing etc

@stopwaitingforpermissiontobeyou
Do you think that transitioning fully -ie socially, hormones, top (if applicable) and genital surgery is the only outcome that we should be concerned about?
My child has socially transitioned and it does cause me distress. On the outside, you might see a child with a binder and short hair. I’m dealing with trying to ensure they don’t get access to testosterone online. Probably most ftm trans identifying people do not go on to have grs, because the surgery is extremely complex and has a high rate of complications. However the damage done to a female body by taking testosterone at high doses is huge.
Essentially premature menopause symptoms, risk of osteoporosis from a young age, increase in cardiovascular problems, atrophy of the vagina and uterus, permanent voice changes - these are just some of the problems.
This is devastating for me. I’m just trying to keep my immature, socially isolated, autistic child safe. I’m not alone having this experience. So for every young person you might see transitioning, there are a considerable percentage of devastated families in the background I can promise you.

Incidentally, I would object to the reference of autism as a co morbidity.

She made references to mastectomies.

This is the problem though (ignoring your earlier rude response). Posts referring to data and statistics and children reporting with co-morbidities is all well ans good.

The OP is asking about a real life person. My incoherent flailing about, as you put it, is simply a reminder that , as I said earlier uptrend, numerous suggestions of telling their child all sorts of really quite unkind things, are not helpful.

I get that you're passionate about the issue and i don't necessarily disagree with that.

However, this is someone's child. And if it was yours, or anyone else's on the thread, I don't think the suggestions would sit as well.

I get that the general rule on this board is to promote the same ideas and dismiss anyone who says anything else. But I do honesrlu believe thar sometimes people forget we are not chatting idly about a concept. These are real people with real feelings (incidentally, as i am).

That isn't what @Charley50 said though. She didn't say anything about medical transition. She said that the girls who transition in her school typically have many co morbidities. This isn't unique to her school - GIDS estimate that 30% of girls referred to them are autistic.

That's an interesting question. The data is so limited as until recently trans activists have barred so much research (hence the mess GIDs are in).
We do know that countless children presenting at CAMHs / GIDs have co morbidities. Tragically these are generally ignored in favour of gender identity issues, resulting in these vulnerable adolescents reaching adulthood with all their other mental health issues untreated. Dr David Bell talks about this in one of the excellent Nolan podcasts. Here's a link and Fair Play for Women have also transcribed part of it. It's well worth listening to:

fairplayforwomen.com/nolan-investigates-stonewall-5/

@OldCrone No. Incorrect on all levels.

I would use transgender on a wider scale - the examples you gave.

My point about surgery was in direct relation to the poster who claimed to work in a school and see the devastation of transition without being aware that it is acrually very rare.

Re your point about 'simply declare they are trans' - transgender people really can't win here. If they transition MN is up in arms, if they don't they're fake, or must have some kind of illness.

Be straight about it. Explain there’s a rise in children identifying as the opposite sex and there might be several factors at play. Social contagion is one of them. By 12, the kids in my sons class are all pretty clued up on it - and most of the boys have rejected it as a fad the girls are into and are now sharing jokey memes about “gender fluid”. A lot of the kids start to filter out the attention seeking ones who need to constantly and tediously discuss their identity non stop, with the more vulnerable ones who are genuinely confused (and who really shouldn’t be being led down the garden path but then that’s a safeguarding issue of lying to children)

It doesn’t mean that anyone can change sex because they can’t. It’s a polite fiction designed to help people who feel uncomfortable with themselves socially feel that they are being seen as the opposite sex. No one really sees them that way of course but people try and “be kind.”

What does your son really think about it? Start there. Does he actually believe that people can change sex? If so why?

Is it really the case that rates of eating disorder have reduced as several PPs have said?
Is anorexia not common among girls who call themselves non-binary or trans?

I was asking that particular poster what they meant by 'transgender'. I think it has been established in their later posts that they are using it to mean exclusively those who have undergone medical transition, including genital surgery. In other words someone who in the past would have been called a transsexual. They don't seem aware that transgender has a much broader definition and includes those who simply change their name and/or appearance to something stereotypically associated with the opposite sex. Sometimes they make no changes at all and just declare that they are trans.

They have gender dysphoria.
As pp have said a generation ago distressed young women found solace and acted out their distress via eating disorders and self harm.
I’m honestly not sure what drives natal male pp with gender dysphoria.

Yeah. there's only black and white, isn't there.

I hope your 'school' never find your posts. Sad.

So wouldn't it be better to say the equivalent of"yes dear", and do nothing irreversible? A child can change their name, dress how they wish, wear their hair how they wish, whatever, but why should adults around them tell them the lie that they can change sex?

LOLZ

Is crowdfunding the same as having surgery?

Graphic is the rise in referrals to the Tavistock ..

@stopwaitingforpermissiontobeyou - so what if 'very few' have surgery. What is very few? Is 1000 crowdfunding for a double mastectomy very few?

I don't. No more than she knows it is. So why?

But honestly, how do you know?

You'd scoff at an emotional , confused child, especially your own?

course you would.

Very few have surgery.

Thank you.

But it isnt.