husband called me a terf 😡

Gender identity definition:
”a person's internal sense of being male, female, some combination of male and female, or neither male nor female”

There are over 50 options beyond "male" and "female" for users to describe their gender identity, from "gender questioning" and "neither" to "androgynous."

oh, and if you are unsure as to the definition of any other words here is a link to the Merriam Webster dictionary:
www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary

It's cruel to promise the impossible, it's easy, lazy parenting where the credit falls on the parents and the consequences fall on the child.

We don't tell children with disabilities it will magically fix, their mental health is better if there is acceptance and moving on. This is no different. He'd be daddy popular telling his disabled child that of course they'll walk again. Who is that actually good for?

Again, you don’t have to transition to be transgender. I am not saying children can transition, just that they can be transgender.

I think it's cruel to tell children they can change sex.
From watching stories of detransitioners when they grow up, they feel the same.
They were sold a lie.

I disagree. It is important to be truthful here. Not one person on this earth can change sex. OPs daughter needs to know this.

listen to the female detransitioners who transitioned thinking they could ‘change sex’ or even feel male and then realised they couldn’t and then had to deal with the ramifications. Because they had been led to believe things that were not in fact, achievable.

It starts here.

It starts with the statement that it is impossible to change sex. It starts with helping her to understand she doesn’t have to change sex to do things she wants to do. And if she wants to dress in stereotypical boys clothes and have a ‘boys’ haircut, she can certainly do this.

I told my mother numerous times I wanted to be a boy, she was honest and told me I couldn’t. But she didn’t stop me dressing how I wanted to or doing the things I wanted to do (would be considered ‘boy’ things by today’s standard.).

‘Transgender: of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.’

And gender identity is?

Discovered:

I don’t think that, sorry. An adult can transition legally but a child can’t (although they might have the protected characteristic because they propose to transition). And I don’t believe there is any such innate state as ‘trans’. I believe (respectfully) that it is something you do, not something you are.

A minor (legal child) can be trans, I know several teenagers who are. Again, trans doesn’t necessarily mean you will transition as an adult. Many trans people do not transition because they do not identify as the opposite gender, but are non-binary. I agree 9yo is too young to know for sure, but it cannot be ruled out.

She's a girl. As such she's entitled to be interested in whatever interests her, style her hair as she wants it, wear whatever she's comfortable in.

Explain to her about chromosomes. XX cannot become XY, ever. Mention that some people try to change their bodies to fit in with their preference to be the opposite sex, but that causes health problems and, sadly for those who want it, can never succeed.

And gently introduce some feminist concepts. Most of all, don't panic. If you're calm and practical, she always has somewhere to come with her thoughts.

Tabby and Really I agree, my point was to not tell her she can't be something so directly she will no doubt argue. That argument is for when she is much older than 8. My DS at 8 wanted to be an astronaut - I didn't say no, let him dress as one etc. He grew out of it and the OPs DD may too.

I was just trying to point out that's it's a red rag to a bull with most kids when you say they can't be something.

Ask him to listen to Benjamin Boyce on youtube. Lots of information and interviews from people who made the change.

Yes there is a definition.
Transgender: of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.

I'm sick of all this trans, non binary crap. She is a tomboy, a tomboy, it's normal, she doesn't have to be girly and like girly things it doesn't make her trans.

Why are so many people jumping to this trans conclusion, it has become a sickness in the world. Brainwashed.

I'm so angry and children's lives are being ruined as they look to adults to guide them but they're being lied to. It feels like a parallel nightmare of a world.

‘You need to support your daughter - don't tell her she can't be something or she will push even more!’

What if she thinks she’s a pony?

Some things are impossible. She will never be male. When she is grown up she can - if she wants - live as she thinks a male might live.

You need to support your daughter - don't tell her she can't be something or she will push even more!

eh? A person cannot change sex. Doesn’t matter who tells them they can or can’t, or how much they push for it, they will always be female.

So your husband believes in sexist stereotypes? He’s the bigot, not you

Even after a century of women’s liberation, it’s still quite logical for girls to see where the fun and the power are in this world. Boys still dominate classrooms and playgrounds and so on and on.

So no wonder little girls want to be boys.

ask your husband if he believes in deeply old fashioned and sexist stereotypes. That might get him thinking?

Firstly, tell him lots of girls feel this way - it doesn't mean they're trans.

Secondly, tell him that lots of lesbians feel this way. If he is supportive of gay people then he should understand to leave your daughter alone and let her find out about herself in her own good time.

It might be worth finding out what they're being taught at school.

I would not argue between the two of you over whether she is trans or not trans, neither of you can know, only she can know. Your job as parents is to educate her about what is trans, what that may mean for her and her options in terms of how she identifies.

So, only she can know what trans is, yet it's her parent's job to educate her?

How does that work?

Remember that prehistoric term TOMBOY? nobody thought these girls were really boys . They just thought they naturally enjoyed playing with the lads, short hair, trousers, rough and tumble.
Some of those girls grew up to be lesbians. Some didn't. Some never liked feminine clothes/pursuits.
Some did.
Nobody, as far as I know, rushed them to a doctor for sex change hormones......

I would show your husband p57 of The Interim Cass Review cass.independent-review.uk/publications/interim-report/

The diagram shows all the possible outcomes.

‘I would not argue between the two of you over whether she is trans or not trans, neither of you can know, only she can know.’

No child is trans. Transition is something adults decide to do because it makes them feel more comfortable (usually because of severe distress). Whatever else she is, she is absolutely not (currently) transgender.

This is also a very common part of many children's childhood. Exploring who they are.
No need to promise or expect anything in the future. Just let her find what she likes/wears/plays with. None of this makes her transgender. Many girls do not fit stereotypes of being female. Doesn't make them less female.
It's actually more like 80/90% of gender questioning children that desist.
Gender clinics and the whole affirmation protocols are being reviewed at the moment - look up the Cass report interim findings. Might make your DH pause in thinking this path is such a good idea. The experts are questioning it right now. Places such as Sweden which were treating and medicating children have recently said they're no longer going to do so. Leading trans surgeons in the US also saying publicly that maybe this isn't quite so rosy after all..
Frankly, be a terf if it protects your child from having the time and space to make up their own mind.

I would not argue between the two of you over whether she is trans or not trans, neither of you can know, only she can know

Do we have a definition of trans now? I've not seen one.

I climbed on barn roofs as a child and did all sorts of rather frightening stuff (carefully hidden from parents), played with boys but also with girls, was fully aware of the fact that boys were allowed to do more interesting stuff and were not required to do so much support work at home and I was angry about that.

But I never thought I was a boy. Perhaps today I would have been told that I am?

The confusion of sex roles and stereotypes with what a female person is looks extremely frightening to me.

We are rapidly going to 1950s gender roles for all who are unwilling to medically alter their bodies or to declare themselves as members of the very tiny group of non-binary (actual human beings). Everyone else will be assumed to be content with sexist gender roles.

I am sorry, OP, that your husband called you a TERF. Perhaps you could read what he wants you to read, and then he could read what you want him to read? I recommend Helen Joyce's Trans and Kathleen Stock's Material Girls.