husband called me a terf 😡

Has your husband heard of detrans women Kiera Bell? Sinead Watson? Helena Kirschner?

Has he wondered why there's been an explosion in the numbers of pubescent and teen girls thinking they are the opposite sex, when the numbers of kids used to be much smaller and most were mainly little boys?

Would he take your daughter to a doctor and ask them to remove her legs if she said she truly believed that she should be an amputee? Such people exist. Why is their self-perception wrong, and your daughter's not?

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2000/12/a-new-way-to-be-mad/304671/

So she’s a tomboy (as many girls have been before). Is he homophobic that she may grow up to be a lesbian? Would he prefer to have her medicalised and brought up to believe that she was born ‘defective’??

Sexuality= what kind of bodies (male and/or female) will cause you to experience sexual arousal (symptoms including, but not limited to, a faster heart rate, vaginal lubrication, increased blood flow to the genitals...)

What does this have to do with wanting to have cosmetic surgery and cross-sex hormones?

So to be trans you first need a belief about gender identity?

Does that mean if people stopped spreading the concept no one would be trans?

‘So, what about sexuality which is innate? Do you not believe in that then?’

I’m not entirely sure where or how sexuality emerges. There’s a theory there is a genetic component to it (which is the only way it would be ‘innate’) and there is a theory it is more fluid, and there is a theory it is fixed in adulthood but emergent in adolescence in response to stimulus, i.e. a psychological state.

I have no idea which it is.

When I was a girl, I always preferred my hair short & wearing jeans & t shirts. It was what I was comfortable wearing. I wouldn't have an issue with the clothes she wears or the friends she hangs out with, but I'd definitely stop at the whole transgender transformation. She's 8. They're fickle. One week they're friends with so & so. Next week they're not talking. Support her to a certain extent. If she wants to have a sex change, she can do it at 18 when she's free to make her own choices.

Agree. 8yo is too young to know as their identity is still forming. So trans cannot be ruled in or out.

So, what about sexuality which is innate? Do you not believe in that then?

There are over 50 options beyond "male" and "female" for users to describe their gender identity, from "gender questioning" and "neither" to "androgynous."

There are so many hundreds of identities involved in just being human.

Over ‘50’ gender identities is a meaningless reductive idea.

Own it. Say hell yeah!

So ummm pips bunce is what now?

Would I be able to find my ‘birth pronouns’ on my birth certificate?

The best thing any parent can be is to be honest. Gaslighting children into believing they can change sex, or that by wearing boys clothes and climbing trees means they're ‘trans’ is a massive safeguarding fail.

She is very very young. He is not correct.
Not wanting to dress up in girls clothes does not mean she is trans. So many women on here have come on to say they were what used be called Tom boys when they were young. It is normal. Your husband is strange to be pushing this agenda. Her brain won’t even be fully developed until she is in her early 20s.

Affirming is not neutral

you mention your DH feels his brother was abandoned for being gay.

What if your daughter’s more masculine presentation turns out to mean one day that she might be a lesbian.( Absolutely not saying she will be, but she couldbe. Equally lots of Tom boys are not.)

Is your DH going to abandon her by “transing away the gay”? Does he have secret internalised homophobia from his family?

Have you read the interim Cass Report?

I can accept that being trans is a feeling of incongruence between a person's sex and their self-perceived gender identity, combined with a belief that gender identity is a real thing, and that it should somehow align with sex. This seems a very convoluted set of thoughts for an eight year old child to have, though.

‘What is the site of personality or feelings then? There is no site for those and yet you believe in them?’

They’re not innate. They develop and can change. Hence I don’t believe in ‘trans children’. Their psychology is still in formation and no aspect of it can be regarded as stable enough to say they ‘are’ anything. You can only say they feel something at that time (which is fine).

What is the site of personality or feelings then? There is no site for those and yet you believe in them?

Yes there is a definition.
Transgender: of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.

I can never wrap my head around this definition.

You've got two things

1. Gender identity (a feeling)
2. A sexed body (material reality)

Plus there's no actual evidence that people have a "gender identity" so it doesn't work well as a definition.

My DS at 8 wanted to be an astronaut - I didn't say no, let him dress as one etc. He grew out of it and the OPs DD may too

big difference. Your ds could have been an astronaut, had he not grown out if it. A real, proper, on a rocket to the moon astronaut.

yes it’s an ambitious dream, but it still is possible.

i can tell my dc every day they can be an astronaut, a vet, a lawyer, a farmer, all are possible with determination and some good career choices. If not no harm done.

massive, massive difference to letting a child believe they can change sex. They can’t. Even if they don’t grow out of it, it is not possible.

and if they do believe it and make choices to try and make it happen, huge harm to their bodies.

Agree to read his book, if agrees to read yours (Helen Joyces Trans).

Hi OP, my daughter is 12, depressed by puberty related changes, and has convinced herself she is trans.

So she is now waiting around, dreaming of getting her breasts lobbed off in six years and taking testosterone in four (as per the age limits that apply where we live).

I hated my breasts too at her age, but I had to find a way to make peace with my body because nobody was holding out the hope for me that I could 'change sex'. Thank goodness they didn't.

Transgenderist propaganda has condemned my daughter to a miserable limbo. I'm searching desperately every day for ways to help her make peace with her body as it is.

Moral of story: your husband is an utter fool. Don't let him mess with your daughter's mind and future. Good luck!

Your daughter is a tomboy. She’s a girl who likes stereotypically boy things… it doenst actually make her a boy.

How have things gotten so regressive that unless a girl likes dresses and baking she must be a boy. It’s sad.

Also, if my husband called me a terf my vagina would be drier than the Sahara desert and I would no longer find him attractive. He would never ever touch me again and I would have him in the separate bedroom. I would divorce a man who would think it’s ok to tell my child she can change sex.

Do you know what book he's ordered?
Do you know where your daughter got the idea she can change sex? Be watchful for pressure/affirmation, however well meaning, at school, from her friends, etc.
All the best to you all.

How do you feel like a female?

‘There are over 50 options beyond "male" and "female" for users to describe their gender identity, from "gender questioning" and "neither" to "androgynous.’

I don’t believe in any of these things. They’re attributes of personality or feelings to me, and fluid, not innate.

If someone can prove the site of the existence of an innate gender identity, I’d be interested. But I don’t believe in it.

‘Again, you don’t have to transition to be transgender. I am not saying children can transition, just that they can be transgender.’

I don’t believe in the concept. I believe gender dysphoria is a psychological state. I believe an inner ‘perception’ of one’s preference towards being or expressing oneself as the opposite or neither sex is just a facet of personality.