husband called me a terf 😡

I do feel sorry for young children these days, everything is so much more gendered than they were in the 80s when I was growing up. The way you describe her seems perfectly normal to me and I can relate to a lot of it. I can imagine I would have wanted to be a boy when the alternative is so hyper feminine (as it was I just wanted to be Batman...or the Hulk) no surgery for that though.

I think your husband needs to lighten up a bit, he is pathologising a perfectly normal development stage in your child's life and reading way too much into it which adds unnecessary confusion.

He's making the mistake a lot of people do which is seeing child like behaviour from an adult perspective and forgetting that children learn through role play and imagination.

At 8 she's probably not in the grip of a delusion. She's being 8. I wanted to be a boy at 8. I thought I was a better type of girl/ woman until I was in my mid 20s. I'm the classic undiagnosed autistic child who had no idea I liked girls but knew I liked stuff girls aren't meant to like/ be good at.

Meeting butch lesbians changed my whole perspective and resolved a lot for me. At 8, she doesn't need to be thinking about any of this (or meeting lesbians - unless you know some). But what she definitely doesn't need is to be told that she's wrong as she is and there's 'treatment' for her.

Pieceofpurplesky
I based my comment on what you said to the OP:
You need to support your daughter - don't tell her she can't be something or she will push even more!
I'm pointing out that it's possible to be supportive of an 8 year old child and be a responsible parent, clearly setting boundaries. This is a young child in the grip of a delusion that she can change sex. Did you read the link I posted showing what's happening to these children when the adults around them "socially affirm" these beliefs?

Yes it's not your role as a teacher to openly criticise these children - you take the lead from SLT & parents about how this is to be handled. But a parent (and that's who's posted) has quote rightly told her 8 year old daughter that she can't turn into a boy and you immediately criticised her for not being supportive.

Parents need to protect children from this social contagion that's sweeping schools as the vast majority of children are not and will never be transgender.

I was at school with a girl who wanted to wear "male" clothes
So she did. Had her hair cut short, wore the boys uniform, used her surname as her name. She knew she was female, if asked she would say she was a woman but she just preferred being how she was. We all accepted that, even as teenagers and its just "that's who she is"
I remember my mum asking me if she was a girl or boy and I said girl and mum saying well that's fair enough

There was no mention of hormones or transition or operations or binders and she was perfectly happy

Today she would have been pushed to transition

Lucky you @Somanysocks that you are in a position to do so. I feel strongly about all my pupils whatever gender. My personal opinions don't count As much as
I would love to shout 'Boris Johnson is a twat' or 'women don't have dicks' or ' you will never pass this exam however hard you try'. I don't because I am professional as are all my colleagues. It's the teachers' code of conduct.

I don't know, my DS is the same age and has always been somewhat gnc. I talk to him every now and then about trans/nb stuff. I don't want someone else looking at my son with his preference for long hair, his choice to dress as a female character about half the time when at dress up parties/events. His choice in after school activities being more popular with girls, ie dance/gymnastics over football. And deciding that he must be some form of trans. Especially as my XH is a big tra type.

So we talk about it sometimes. About how some people want to present as the opposite sex and how they attempt to do it. What level of change can be achieved and what can't. I let him draw his own conclusions from the facts. But he knows he can never "grow a baby in his tummy" or breastfeed, which was a big disappointment for him. So he's concluded that people who trans risk being less happy by trying to be something that they never can be, instead of learning to appreciate what's good about what they are.

In all honesty I would rather tell the truth and lose my job than potentially ruin children's lives by pandering to some ridiculous notion. I feel so strongly about this.

@MrsOvertonsWindow did I say anywhere that I agree? I am saying we HAVE to be neutral and supportive. Any child (I teach secondary) who comes out as trans/non binary etc is immediately reported to safeguarding. We take our lead from them. I teach a child with a trans parent, several trans identifying kids and lots who having issues with sexuality. I treat each child as an individual. Use the pronouns we are told to by school, the name we are told to by school. I would love to say no. But it's not my job

Don't blame teachers. This is a societal problem.

It really is. It is as I see it ideologically driven agenda full of propaganda and misinformation aided and abetted by well meaning people going along with it without questioning.

No. Many of them are desperately hoping never to be challenged by a pupil whilst teaching the reproductive system. Many have discussed what they should and should not say with unions (as much use as a chocolate teapot) colleagues and SMT - all with varying degress of logic, I would assume.

Teacher's are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Until society says "Fuck off, human beings cannot change sex" and places like Mermaids, the people behind The Family Sex Show, TRAs, MRAs, the NSPCC, GGs, Labour Party, etc etc etc etc stop pratting around with ideological mumbo jumbo, no teacher will feel safe speaking out against the TWAW, support, validate, don't tell your parents line being fed to them under the guise of Inclusivity.

Don't blame teachers. This is a societal problem.

She isn't saying she is trans though is she. There is a difference between her saying she wants to be a boy, and saying she is a boy. Lots of girls think they want to be boys, my eldest dd included, but are perfectly happy to be women when they grow up. I think your dh needs to do a bit of research and stop making assumptions and calling you names.

So biology teachers are actually going along with this?

There's a difference between being neutral yet respectful versus supportive and cheerleading. It's not a teacher's job to lecture a parent that they must be "supportive" of their 8 year old child who believes they're the opposite sex.

It's not a teacher's role to actively support something that's harming such a young child - you have no qualifications in this niche area to make that decision. Have a read of this Pieceofpurplesky written by someone who's trained in child psychology. Look at the consequences of socially affirming little children and maybe reflect on the harm that some educators are doing to them with that unthinking "support" for a child's fantasies.

www.transgendertrend.com/childhood-social-transition/

@thebeespyjamas because we would get fired! Biology teachers teach the biology. The rest of us have to be supportive. We have to be unpolitical and neutral about our views.

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 25/04/2022 08:01
Also, I at the age of 2 or 3 wanted to dress like a boy and do boy things. Grew up to be a masculine presenting, same sex attracted woman. It is completely normal to be like this. Not it doesn't automatically mean trans. It's actually very homophobic to assume so.

Re what Jules says here:
No it doesn’t automatically mean trans. It’s actually very homophobic to assume so.

I wonder if your DH realises this, considering he knows about the harm homophobia caused his brother?

The breasts contain lymph nodes for drainage. Removing them is going to cause health problems, stop the immune system working properly.

Why aren't teachers countering this? Why aren't they saying we can't change sex, we can't - why are teachers not speaking out?

How can school be seen as fit for purpose when teachers are silent on this? Children look to teachers for the "right" answers, if teachers aren't countering it they are affirming it.

You need to get your sphere of influence back with your daughter. Does this come from school? It's dangerous indoctrination.

You need to deprogramme your husband, it's not easy. Ask him why you can't be a transwoman?

Use Socratic method throughout; ask him to explain why he believes in this ideology. It will unravel it in his head. You can't "tell" this stuff, you have to get them to ask the questions they aren't asking.

Can humans change sex?
How?
It's all cosmetic isn't it?

Can she be a boy? How? It's not possible.

What a weak minded man. Be patient though, you certainly don't want to split up and have to co-parent with him from afar because he has the establishment on his side with this.

I was a tomboy. Climbed trees, played football and had Action Man not Barbie. I only wore a skirt when it was mandatory etc. I wasn’t trans I was just me. I still hate the stereotyped restrictions placed on women decades later. I am a straight women with two sons in my 50’s who enjoys chatting about sport with my DS. I still rarely wear skirts (I can’t remember the last time I did).
I dread to think how I would be treated as a child today.

Rejecting outdated misogynistic gender stereotypes is a good thing not something to be pathologised and medicalised.

I am yet to see a definition of gender identity that doesn’t have stereotypes at its core. Does your DH really think your DD should be pigeonholed into narrow constructs. Tell him to celebrate her for her originality and self expression without trying to force her into artificial definitions and conformity.

I wonder if some men just think ‘phew I don’t have to deal with seeing males in ‘female attire’ in the mens loos. Women can deal with it’.

The biggest issue is that men will believe anything another man tells them about women, over and above what actual women they know tell them about their own experience.

Back to women and girls hiding under the cover of long hair, dresses, handbags, make up...

@3kidsandcounting2022

It's fine for your dh to tell her that as an adult she can identify as male or non binary, you love her just the way she is. Stress that only adults can make those decisions

Also, I at the age of 2 or 3 wanted to dress like a boy and do boy things. Grew up to be a masculine presenting, same sex attracted woman. It is completely normal to be like this. Not it doesn't automatically mean trans. It's actually very homophobic to assume so.

I think your dd is very lucky to have two parents that care so much about her well-being and accept her non conformity. You have so much good advice already but I wanted to add not to demonise your DH he is coming from a good place, it’s just misguided.

Oh god. Have we all forgotten that until 5 minutes ago being like this as a child was totally normal? Tom boys have existed forever. Some grow up to be lesbian or bisexual women. Some grow out of it. A tiny tiny tiny fraction might grow up with gender dysphoria which requires treatment.

You are doing the right thing and your husband really needs to research the implications of grooming this child into gender ideology. Let them be.