How to respond to anti JKR teen DDs

This is what I ask. Never had an answer yet.

I also ask what did she say that was so bad that deserved months and months worth of rape and death threats. I don't get a straight answer to that either.

I've rolled my eyes and said that it's such a trendy thing to say, pushed by mostly angry older bearded men and spread to tiktok via kids who've really not read what she has written. That really she is an amazing women who's been tarred by the same brush men tarred the suffragettes with.
Teenagers will of course rebel against their parents and every young generation wants to have a civil rights' movement to pin their colours to. This generation sees trans rights as that civil rights' movement - not sure it can be shifted that easily until their brains have matured fully and they're able to think critically.

@Sunflower987

Teach them critical thinking, to learn to not go along with the crowd.
To look up both sides of the argument and then come to a conclusion.
They will come to agree that she isn't transphobic.
^^^^^
This is how I brought up my son.
When this matter came up with JK it was ds helped me see what was happening.
Having now read the article it's very worrying how this is going.
I thought JK Rowling piece was brilliant.

They need to read the essay and point out very clearly which words/sentences JKR has written indicate that she’s transphobic.

Ask her to explain why she thinks the number of teenage girls identifying as trans or non-binary is skyrocketing while the number of boys is not. Explain to her what life for children and teenagers used to be like before everyone carried a pocket device stuffed with INFLUENCERS and violent porn, and before filters and Kardashians. Ask her how many photos she thinks the average 70s, 80s or 90s teenager took of herself or her friends per week compared to now, and then uploaded to be assessed for 'likes'. Ask her how much money she thinks Big Pharma and the surgery industry is making per young person they rope into transitioning.

Like the first poster to respond, I told my daughter to read what JK actually said not what she was purported to believe.

I would have a talk with her about the essay as you say you're going to (when she's actually read it 🤷‍♀️ ) but I would also tell her that JKR has received death and rape threats and threats to assault her in other ways. Speak to her about free speech and whether a woman who simply wrote an essay to support other women deserves this sort of treatment. I had a similar argument with my daughter who also hadn't read the essay (I think she can't afford to read it in case it affects her response to it) and when I mentioned the rape threats and the murder threats that did actually shut her up.

Had all this with SIL who said “TWAW” to which my response was “no, trans women are trans women” .

Apparently JKR has brought it all on herself…oh and I am a TERF.

Am pretty certain I am not, I don’t care how anyone identifies it let’s keep it real

Sorry didn’t see you’d already done that! 😀

I’d give her a print out of the essay and a highlighter pen and ask her to highlight the transphobia. It’d be interesting to see what she comes up with.

Haven’t had this personally (yet) - my DC seem open-minded and on the fence about it - or maybe they just aren’t going there with me as they know my views. But in this situation I would say “I can’t see how what she’s said is transphobic, and I can’t see that there’s any evidence that men can be women or vice versa - but maybe you’re right and I don’t understand. Please explain it all to me and honestly if it makes sense maybe I’ll get it.”

Then let them explain, asking reasonable, rational questions and asking them to help you make sense of the inconsistencies, why it doesn’t apply to identifying as a different race or age, ask for evidence of murder of trans people etc etc. (And I would do this genuinely - because if it did make sense, there was real evidence and people could really change sex, I’d be happy to change my opinion, because I’m basing my views on science and reality.)

just keep asking and getting it all out on the table. If they won’t engage, then just say you don’t see why you, or they, should believe something without evidence or explanation.

We printed the essay and then asked Dd to read in then we’d happily hear her views but they needed to be fully informed views. It’s really tough because she does get our views but her close friend is militant trans so Dd is torn. I mostly stick with being respectful of others views. It’s brought up lots of interesting conversations. I haven’t told Dd I was violently raped age 19 but I think I might at some point. It might help her understand my views but I’m also not sure she needs to know that.

Probably ignore it.
Just be there for her when she's innocently getting changed at the swimming pool and some big hairy naked bloke swinging his equipment around appears in front of her

Yeah don't print out the essay and stick it on the fridge so their friends. Some of the suggestions above are also hostile and antagonistic which won't open up a conversation and will confirm their belief that you're unreasonable

I agree with the nudging approach, and asking genuine questions in a neutral way to have a genuine conversation about it, and to show that you aren't all what they fear you are

Throughout time teenagers have held different views to their parents,
its part of the maturing and separating process.
It's up to you wether you wish to have a "don't disagree with the parents, they'll never listen" or teens that explore issues with you (even when they are wrong)

I'm sure many of us can remember ideological differences with our parents and how their responses shaped our relationship with them

Print out JKR's essay. Stick it up on the fridge, the wall, or put it where they can see it.
Ask what their classmates think - are they allowed to discuss the subject? (My dd says not at her school.)
Info about who profits from gender ideology might interest them and get them thinking.

I said something along the lines of ‘Don't you think that’s trivialising actual transphobia? Lots of woman are nervous of male people they don’t know. Especially if they’ve ever been physically attacked. It doesn’t mean they hate trans people.’

DS, to do him credit, went away and thought about it. DD still tends to fall back on ‘argh you don’t understand and it’s not that simple.’

I’ve also found shrugging and saying ’if transphobia just means knowing people can’t really change sex, most of us are transphobic. Oh well’ took the heat out.

Agree to disagree but keep it respectful. No name-calling.

One thing I have read is that "nudging" rather than full on disagreement - starting from the position that I'm right and you're wrong - works better when arguing this kind of tribal position.

^ Yes, this too. However frustrating it is, you can't make them see reason.

Tell him you made a mistake in the hospital and should have filled in boy on his birth cert.

You are delighted to finally have the big talk about how delighted you are to formally recognise your son.

If this is met with rejection, simply explain that it's your failing as a parent which prevents gim, your dear son, from being who he is rather than who you taught him to be.🙃

Tell them you’ll be ready for a sensible discussion about this whenever they are, but at the first sign of them being unready for it (emotionally) you will stop discussing it.

Then focus on what/when/how/where questions.

What do they think sex means?
What do they think changing sex means?
What rights do they believe this procedure should confer?
When (at what point) should those rights be conferred?
What do they think gender means?
Where do they think gender is situated in the person’s biological system?

Teach them critical thinking, to learn to not go along with the crowd.
To look up both sides of the argument and then come to a conclusion.
They will come to agree that she isn't transphobic.

Oh ffs, I think she's bloody right! You're male or you're female, deal with it.

Honestly.. teenagers going against parents is nothing new.

I would respond with “ok “ and go on about my day. I’m sick of this teenager petulance about JKR when they don’t even know what it is she said. They just parrot back what their Wolfpack set of friends say and do.

Avoid talking about it. I showed DD13 and as close to magic as I’ve ever seen she found examples she considered of transphobia in JKRs actual words.

This is the new religious dogma. Some people are struggling to question it in any way.