How to respond to anti JKR teen DDs

The teens I talked to are frustrating on this issue. They say things like "I can't believe someone that transphobic could even have written books about finding and being your true self, it just seems impossible" - and then they don't make the leap to thinking that yes, it does seem impossible, so maybe she's not transphobic. They just keep on with the idea of how disappointed they are that in reality she must be this big transphobe. It doesn't matter if they read her essay either. In their eyes, she is saying that transwomen are not women, and in the teens' eyes, of course they are - that is their true essence, they know what they are underneath, how can we possibly judge them from the outside and decide if they're men or women, sex is much more complicated that simply your genitals or chromosomes or hormones, so they must have some inner feeling that tells them they're women and we are so bigoted for not recognising it. Therefore JKR is transphobic for not recognising that and for denying that they are women. Their biology doesn't matter, they just ARE women inside and it's nobody else's decision. You have to recognise it for yourself and find your true self, and that's the important bit. The characters in her book go on about being their authentic selves and being true, and there she is in reality denying people's true selves. So she is a transphobe, end of story.

It is frustrating as anything because you can't break into this narrative, as it's not based on logic, but on this 'inner feeling'. They are utterly convinced of it, and getting them to read her essay doesn't help (although many of them won't do that either, of course, and prefer to trust the social media groups that tell them that she's transphobic - the obsesed fanfic groups etc are very big on it), because her essay denies the 'inner essence' idea, which just comes down to 'they know they're women and we must support that'. If you try to mention that you can't define that without stereotypes or circular definitions, you get told that you just don't understand.

Maybe some of them do believe in stereotypes, actually, and that is the root of the problem? So boys or girls who don't fit the stereotypes just know they are the opposite sex, and it's apparently cruel of us to deny that and try to make them be something they're not. That must be the reasoning.

To all the excellent points up above I would just add that I have regularly reminded my teens that it is their job to distinguish and separate themselves from their parents in their teens, so of course they should be rebelling against anything I say or do. So well done for a developmentally appropriate response!

It acknowledges without accepting whatever nonsense it is they have spouted.

Maybe point out Trans wasn't a "thing" before women had the same rights as men.
The right to vote
Equal pay and conditions - which in some areas is still being fought for.

What has suddenly made being a woman attractive to men?

There's always been cross dressers but they were men who liked women's stuff but never tried to be women.

Get them thinking about the bigger picture

1. Point them to JKR's actual words.
2. Contrast her polite and reasoned approach with the violent and hateful response she received.
3. Add that even if they don't share them, GC beliefs are nevertheless worthy of respect in a democratic society.

*love, not "lover". I can't even blame autocorrect for that one, as I'm on my laptop.

I lover her straight talking.

Yep, parroting shite just about sums it up!
DD's friend was talking about the Gringott's thing as well. My DD has heard my GC views and does roll her eyes at me, but I think (fingers crossed) that she understands where my concerns come from, and will discuss things with me. I have already talked with her about pronouns and compelled speech.

It seems to be an article of faith like transubstantiation.

That's what my teens both accused JKR of too @YouLando . I asked where they got that idea from and it's doing the rounds online that she has stereotyped the greengotts bank goblins as Jewish moneylenders. Talk about scraping the barrel to stir up hate towards JK. As to the transphobia label my dd 17 is not even prepared to read the essay. She has it firmly fixed in her ASD mind that JK is transphobic. My 15 ds is more open minded and can see that she speaks the truth.

Can I also ask if any of these, so wise, teenagers tell one of you what JKR said that was transphoic please, please let me know? I'm gagging to find out..

The first thing DD's friend uttered as they got into the car when I collected them was "that was amazing, but it's such a shame that JK Rowling is transphobic and anti-Semitic".

That's very interesting @YouLando - sounds like something she felt obliged to say.

I have de-lurked to add to this. Took my DD (12) and her friend (13) to see the new Fantastic Beasts film a couple of weeks ago. The first thing DD's friend uttered as they got into the car when I collected them was "that was amazing, but it's such a shame that JK Rowling is transphobic and anti-Semitic". 😣
I just said that I didn't think either of those things was true. It wasn't the right time to get into a discussion about critical thinking, or what was the actual content of Jo Rowling's essay, as I was taking her straight home. Kids' thinking has been totally captured by this dangerous narrative.

School. Most youth groups. Girl guides?

Meant to add, as far as I’m aware no one in her social circle has militant views which I’m grateful for.

I appear to be very lucky in that my DD18 has definitely not drank the Kool Aid. DS who is younger passed comment that one of his classmates is now a boy and DD responded with ‘aye and I’m a fucking toaster’.

I wonder if it’s a regional thing as we’re quite far north.

Yes definitely not allowed to have any other views from the gender ideology in my kids school.
My son was called transphobic at school by a pupil after she asked him if he really liked a girl and found out she had penis would he still sleep with her and he said no because hes straight.

The science teacher was asked if a man can get pregnant, the science teacher said yes.

Posters around the school saying how 'Its great to be trans' or 'People are trans get over it!'
Kids walking around draped in trans flags.
Decorating their uniforms with rainbow badges.

Alot of kids are being indoctrinated online and then going into school and it being re affirmed.

Most schools have stonewall in them who are pushing all of this.
Its an absolute mess.

Please let us know what they made of the essay OP

I'm not sure this is the killer argument for a teenager but I'd like to see an ardent gender ideologist explain this.

Why are the two main groups of people transitioning teenage girls and middle-aged men? What changed from the previous position where most people with a trans identity, of all ages, were male? Where are the middle-aged women transitioning now there's so much less stigma? Why is it considered so important for teenage transmen to have hormone treatment and surgery but middle-aged transwomen are not having the most extreme forms of surgery?

The teenagers tell me there is absolutely no way that at school they could say anything that even hints at gender critical views. They think most of their classmates believe the trans orthodoxy, and that the rest daren't speak out.

This is how I responded to my 23 y/o DD - she admitted she hadn't read it - I said well I have and when you have let's have a chat - it hasn't been mentioned again

If my Dd said this I’d say “that’s a very serious accusation, for both me and JKR. So you need to please back it up with some evidence”.

DS2 says "we can't say that, it might upset the transes" about my discussion.
Presumably this, no debate, comes from school.

It’s everywhere. It seems to be the accepted narrative. Anyone who ever mentions JKR will say something about how they love the books but not her, or similar.

Where are they getting this dangerous ideology?

Wherever it is, stop letting them go there.