Anyone else just sad at how it has gotten to this?

32 replies

Roseglen84 · 15/04/2022 11:59

This type of thread has probably been done to death, but I'm just really down today and wondering if anyone can relate.

In the last few days there have been two horrific murders of men in Ireland (where I am) and the police believe they were homophobic attacks. A man has been arrested and it's been headline news here. Yesterday they were talking about it on radio and some people from the LGBT community were asked about it, and they were obviously very upset. However they kept referring to the trans issue, one man repeatedly stated that he had 'seen this type of thing coming because of what is happening in the UK with trans people'. He mentioned it several times, as though they were somehow related.

I just couldn't believe it - how can he think that was a result of the debate that is happening in the UK. Women wanting to keep single sex spaces is not why these men were killed. It just made me angry at first that he was somehow correlating the two things. Women wanting to keep our spaces is not the same as homophobic murders!

Then I just felt so sad - sad that this young man seemed to genuinely believe that women like me and others on MN really want to do him harm. That somehow we hate him and see him as an enemy or something, I got the sense he seriously thought that his community was under attack from all sides and we were part of that. I just can't understand how we got to this point where young people believe that. And they do!

I went for dinner with one of my oldest friends last night, who is a gay man, and I didn't mention any of it. I'm so afraid he will think that I hate him or have turned into some homophobic loon because I support single sex spaces for women. I can't even be honest with him because I don't want to lose the friendship.

I dunno, this probably doesn't make much sense but I've just carried it around since yesterday. How did we become the enemy for wanting to keep men out of single sex spaces?

OP posts:

littlelowerdown · 15/04/2022 12:30

That young man could have read up for himself what we are actually saying rather than what 'his side' is lying to him about what we are saying.
That young man is displaying blatant misogyny by blaming women for the murders committed by man.

Blaming a group in society for violent crimes they don't commit is actually a real life example of hate-based prejudice.

We say men, as a population, (however they identify) are a risk to women because the evidence is very clear this is the case.
Clearly women are not responsible for crimes committed by men and that is why what young man was saying is a genuinely 'hate based' opinion.

It makes me sad that people are so tribal and so uninterested in critical thought, reasoning or justice, that they can actually say the things that young man did. But that young man is responsible for that himself. He doesn't need to be so uncritically tribal in his opinions.

tabbycatstripy · 15/04/2022 12:23

It’s just sexism. JK Rowling had lunch, 10,000 miles away a butterfly beat its wings, someone was murdered and it’s her fault.

Women talking in civil and legal ways about their political rights are not responsible for the actions of psychopaths.

ZaraSizeMedium · 15/04/2022 12:22

The lesbian woman and several of the gay men I know are desperate to untangle their community and it’s aims and campaigns from the T.

It seems impossible to mention woman’s rights or homophobia without someone bringing trans people into it and trying to make them the focus.

OvaHere · 15/04/2022 12:21

It's completely ridiculous. Men are not horrifically murdering other men because women want fairness in sport or to undress in the privacy of single sex spaces.

They blame women because we always somehow get the blame for the actions of men. Partly I suspect because it's easier than acknowledging or tackling the actual issue which is violent men and in this particular case religious extremism I assume.

Also if they open up conversations about dangerous men then they're halfway to admitting why women have an issue about our spaces. Can't be having that so let's just say it's all the fault of women wanting to preserve what is ours.

FlappyCats · 15/04/2022 12:15

I agree with you completely OP and was thinking through similar things recently.

Does it seriously not occur to TRAs that campaigning against male violence is what they need to do. That's the answer.

AlisonDonut · 15/04/2022 12:03

Yes is it depressing when it hits you that yes, women really are blamed for everything. If it wasn't us, it would have been another group of women blamed for this.

tabbycatstripy · 15/04/2022 12:02

No, it infuriates me. Women wanting reality to matter has NOTHING to do with males murdering other males because they don’t like that they’re gay. Even if it did, we would still have the right to retain our grip on reality. But it doesn’t, and anyone pretending to think it does is a fool.

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