What is the correct response to TERF?

It was a man who said it.

I'd definitely have been tempted by my ill-informed misogynist line. Of maybe an eyebrow raise and 'you're an expert of feminism are you?'

I was called a TERF at a work social event. The correct response was "Fuck Off" and a refusal to attend any more while that person was also there. Luckily that person has been suspended for , I assume, unrelated knobbery. I doubt anyone cared that I wasn't going, to be honest. But I did.

But if I worked somewhere hostile or with someone I felt uneasy about, I would possibly use Nelodee's response.

In a similar situation I replied mildly with "How can I be trans-exclusionary when I include transmen in my feminism?"
Which led to a discussion about 'men' and 'women'. I avoided using any 'What is a?' questions, and pointed out that feminism concerns itself with supporting the lives of all female people, regardless of their belief or politics, and particularly with respect to issues caused by male people.

We left it there. They did say "But transmen are men" and I responded with something along the lines of "Everybody has the right to practice their beliefs, but I don't have to believe the same as them. Just like I don't have to believe in Jesus." I don't know whether I made them stop and think, but they certainly never called me a TERF again.

FART (Female Averse Radical Feminist). Love this also !!!

It's possible that we've reached the point in this issue when you can just roll your eyes and say 'yawn' to indicate we should have moved far beyond these exchanges. But I'm sure @Nellodee has the right response.

It is really scary, OP, and you have my sympathy. It's so easy for some to say 'tell them to fuck off' or whatever but it's your job, your life and not ours.

You could ask what JKR has actually said? Because none of them will know. They'll have been told what someone thinks she said, and that someone was told by someone else .... Chinese whispers. She has said nothing wrong at all. They just believe what they are told and that is scary indeed.

Thank you.

Your workplace or colleagues or whatever sound rather 17th century Salem, I must say.

How about "Obviously we have very different opinions on this matter. I hope you're able to remain respectful about this in our workplace."

Ask them to explain what they mean by the term. If they bring up toilets, prisons, changing rooms, sports, dating apps, point out that you are not 'trans exclusionary' as you probably DO include transmen and transboys and biologically female non-binary-identifiers in those spaces. And that's a big group of 'trans' there. It's the penis-havers who aren't welcome. Maybe 'penis / XY exclusionary radical feminist' is the more accurate term.

I agree with the approach above - ask a neutral question - what did JKR say that was transphobic? Or -What makes you think that?
May start a debate (who knows?) but at the very least you’ve expressed yourself without compromising your position.
I think it’s appalling that people have to go to these lengths to dare to have a opinion.

What @VaddaABeetch said. Try to act the daft lassie without showing your own hand: Are you sure? Golly, that doesn't sound like something she would say, hold on a minute I'm just looking on-line to see what did she ACTUALLY say, I really want to know now! Oh look, here it is, just a minute, no, I can't see her saying what you said, maybe you got the wrong end of the stick, ha ha, funny when that happens! Now we know.

I would accept 'MERF' - male excluding radical feminist (although I have to laugh at how believing biology makes me radical).

The correct response is 'yes I am, so what' but that's obviously harder at work. Sounds like your colleagues aren't on the other persons side, or at least disagree with calling you out like that.

I would respond by saying there's nothing radical about excluding males from feminism

I hold my wheat . Is somebody says something about JKR I ask what sis she say. If I get yadda transphobic yadda, I ask again but what did she say exactly. I keep my tone neutral, smiley. It’s enough to get some people using their brains.

Doesn’t really answer your question but doesn’t give them an opportunity to throw insults.

Although this is also perfect

I'd rather be a TERF than a WART.
(Woman Averse Radical Transactivist)

Obviously the response depends critically on the context but it sounds like one might have been a sad head-shake and "I'm afraid we have some ill-informed misogyny going on over there" . And then if they pushed back ask them to explain exactly what it was she's said that they disagree with.

I think your response was perfect. Simple and factual. I am not a TERF.

I disagree with going down the "TERF is a slur. Apologise" road at work. Gives scope to extend the argument.

"TERF is a slur" is (in my view) an own goal for GC movement. It's too easy for TRAs to provide a "gotcha" response and we end up in a discussion about the origins of the term rather than keeping the focus on women's sex based rights.

It's another example to me of the deliberate obfuscation tactics that are used by TRAs (entirely taken from the authoritarian's handbook) to create a topsy turvy world where people start to question whether there is such a thing as an objective reality.