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Original poster

He/They

113 replies

BloodyloveGeorge · 30/03/2022 17:32

Bloke at work, complaining that the new pronouns policy on forms etc isn’t inclusive enough (they/them and ‘other’ then write your own included with she/be etc) Because he is ‘non-conforming’ and uses he/they or him/ them and it’s very common in his ‘community’.

So I asked him how that works, as someone who is actually gay ( he’s white, straight, male appearing) I hadn’t come across he/they before. It was a genuine non-goady question.
He said he’s happy with being addressed as either and chooses which he’ll use on the day. And that if on the day he’s being ‘they’ it would be nice if people noticed and used ‘they’.

Is this a thing now? Or is he just saying call me anything but she/her???

OP posts:
DameHelena · 30/03/2022 19:19

@MiladyBerserko

If ever there was a time for 'that's nice, dear' this is it.
Grin

I might choose to be referred to as ‘he’ on a day when I feel like not getting a debilitating period, or being talked over by a bloke in a meeting. I assume that’s how it works anyway.

KitchenDancefloor · 30/03/2022 19:14

@MiladyBerserko

If ever there was a time for 'that's nice, dear' this is it.
And I'm using "righty-ho" more and more these days when faced with nonsense compelled speech.
Whitefire · 30/03/2022 19:04

Apologies, I got bits of your OP twisted up in my head. With the further info he does sound like someone who is doing this because he can and he likes having the control over others.

MiladyBerserko · 30/03/2022 19:02

Or alternatively, acknowledge the bat signal that you should be cautious around 'they'.

I certainly do this to the her/himmers at work.

Mention Mumsnet and observe.

HollowTalk · 30/03/2022 18:58

Attention Seeker Extraordinaire.

Iamnotamermaid · 30/03/2022 18:58

Of all the things to worry about in the world today this is the big priority? Life is too short for this. I am grateful if someone just gets my name right-and if I can remember their's.

Happy for people to indulge in this if this is what they are into but do not inflict it on me.

MiladyBerserko · 30/03/2022 18:58

If ever there was a time for 'that's nice, dear' this is it.

Manekinek0 · 30/03/2022 18:58

As a pp said it's about control. The use of weird made up pronouns or those used for groups of people isnt going to happen, it doesn't conform to the rules of English we are used to or the words are meaningless.

It isn't worth the debate, these people get some weird kick out of being challenged and supposedly victimised. I would just accept he's a nutjob and avoid conversation.

turbonerd · 30/03/2022 18:56

No.
He/they can fuck right off with that nonsense.

Policing how people will speak about you and that they just magically must feel what you have decided on that day is … for lack of a better word, insanity.

Hehe, but Nice try that guy!

mumwon · 30/03/2022 18:51

"Look mate - I am confused -how about I refer to you by your name? My dear old mum use to say it rude to use pronouns anyway"

Whatsnewpussyhat · 30/03/2022 18:51

He can tell people if he's having a 'he' or 'they' day, they'll just be calling him an attention seeking bellend behind his back anyway.

This has fuck all to do with dysphoria and all about control.

Original poster
BloodyloveGeorge · 30/03/2022 18:50

He’s not gay. He’s straight.
I don’t know if he thinks this is helping his career - he is a ‘diversity champion’ but while he’s being thanked for his insight and lauded on forums I know many senior people, women, who are finding him problematic and would rather avoid him than figure out what to call him day to day.

OP posts:
Whitefire · 30/03/2022 18:38

Umm, I'm going for him taking the piss out of it all, and as a white, gay man he can get away with it.

IcakethereforeIam · 30/03/2022 18:36

We're going to need a bigger form!

Original poster
BloodyloveGeorge · 30/03/2022 18:33

@elferian ‘ lots of people do this,’

I am very engaged in a big LGBTQ + community, at work and outside, and this is a first for me. Can I ask if you’re under 30?? I’m 40 and beginning to wonder if it’s just a generation thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
BloodyloveGeorge · 30/03/2022 18:30

‘lots of people do this, often because they suffer with dysphoria and it is upsetting for them to put down he/him yet they get it is ridiculous to put down she/her if you are male. ‘

I get people using ‘they’ for those reasons but it’s the him/they I’m struggling with.
I also don’t think their are enough of him/them for us to add yet another option to all our communications ‘other’ with the option to right in a preference should cover it?
He Waldo brought up the fact that the training programmes we have refer to men and women, so aren’t inclusive- the example was about how to NOT have bias at work agisnt women in leadership potions but not sure how you can avoid saying men and women when talking about discrimination against women in the workplace.

OP posts:
elferian · 30/03/2022 18:18

lots of people do this, often because they suffer with dysphoria and it is upsetting for them to put down he/him yet they get it is ridiculous to put down she/her if you are male.

Fine if you don't like pronouns, but really they are all over the place now and why not let people be, it is harmless.

QueenSue · 30/03/2022 18:16

I can't see any reason for this other than enjoying a sense of control over other people, when they try to use the right words to talk about you on different days.

Georgeskitchen · 30/03/2022 18:14

So many terrible things happening in the world, so many people suffering yet we are expected to treat these people like they are some kind of Gods 😡

FrancescaContini · 30/03/2022 18:04

@ChopinBoard

I have seen YT vidoes of young people who want people to refer to them as he/they for example, getting very upset when other people only use one or the other rather than switching it around.

So if I say I am she/they you would have to talk about me thus:

"Chopin likes to spend a lot of time on mumsnet. I cant understand why they like it so much. Surely she has better things to do with their time."

I wish I was joking.

If this were my child spouting such self absorbed bollocks I would permanently block the Internet connection in the home and get them outside doing some productive voluntary work every day. How has our generation managed to produce such narcissistic kids???
tabbycatstripy · 30/03/2022 18:01

It’s a way of making sure every single person on any given day has to offer him/them some attention. Even if they have relatives they are caring for, or worrying about a cancer diagnosis, or heavily in debt, or divorcing. A little bit of attention every day, from everyone, that’s all he/they needs.

ChopinBoard · 30/03/2022 18:00

I have seen YT vidoes of young people who want people to refer to them as he/they for example, getting very upset when other people only use one or the other rather than switching it around.

So if I say I am she/they you would have to talk about me thus:

"Chopin likes to spend a lot of time on mumsnet. I cant understand why they like it so much. Surely she has better things to do with their time."

I wish I was joking.

ZaraSizeMedium · 30/03/2022 17:58

He likes to tell people if it’s a He or They day.
Grin
What a bellend.

PermanentTemporary · 30/03/2022 17:57

I'm reminded of Gwen Raverat writing about her phenomenally rich and under-employed aunts who would do things like ring for a servant to put a silk scarf over one foot as one foot was very slightly colder than the other.

He's essentially signalling that he's a sensitive soul and not a boring person with a standard identity, plus that he can impose this ridiculous nonsense on people who aren't allowed to fight back.

Joolsin · 30/03/2022 17:57

What an arse. You're going to have to one-up him by finding the most complicated set of pronouns you can to "identify" by and throwing an absolute tantrum if he gets them wrong.