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Original poster

He/They

113 replies

BloodyloveGeorge · 30/03/2022 17:32

Bloke at work, complaining that the new pronouns policy on forms etc isn’t inclusive enough (they/them and ‘other’ then write your own included with she/be etc) Because he is ‘non-conforming’ and uses he/they or him/ them and it’s very common in his ‘community’.

So I asked him how that works, as someone who is actually gay ( he’s white, straight, male appearing) I hadn’t come across he/they before. It was a genuine non-goady question.
He said he’s happy with being addressed as either and chooses which he’ll use on the day. And that if on the day he’s being ‘they’ it would be nice if people noticed and used ‘they’.

Is this a thing now? Or is he just saying call me anything but she/her???

OP posts:
VeganGod · 04/04/2022 07:12

Honestly, I‘d tell him that I had work to be getting on with and that wasn’t to validate him. Even if people are happy to try to use individuals pronouns, it becomes ridiculous when they change daily and you just have to draw a line and stop walking on eggshells. If someone wants pronouns that aren’t sex based, I just use their name. My friend worked with someone that changed their name from day to day, as they were gender fluid and in the end just avoided talking to him. I can’t say I blame her.

nldnmum02 · 04/04/2022 07:00

We need to find an alternative to ‘they’ in the English language because it’s plural and just sounds daft. Or like you’re talking about someone with multiple personality syndrome.

Jessasamantha · 04/04/2022 06:42

I have a colleague like this. Not only are his pronouns in his email signature but in his actual name as it appears in my email inbox eg John Smith He/They. He is a mature adult who is very well respected in his field but I cannot take him seriously after this show of narcissism and cringe whenever I see it, I am absolutely sure I am not the only one who thinks less of him for it.

BruceAndNosh · 04/04/2022 01:21

So bloke's colleagues have to miraculously divine whether it's a He day or a They day?
At least Pips Bunce dons a natty hair clip to let everyone knows she's Pippa today.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/04/2022 01:13

@BloodyloveGeorge

iS this just him though??? Like I said I am actuallly gay and haven’t come across this although I do know lots of gays, lesbians and trans people.
I can trump this - I came across a genuine "we/she/they" in the wild. From an actual adult with a real job who had it as her email signature. What the everloving fuck it means is anyones guess.

/is also a bender, and fed up with it all.

SignOnTheWindow · 04/04/2022 01:04

Straight white man? Changing your pronouns ever so slightly (but nothing else) lands you huge long ladder, taking you allll the way up the snakes and ladders oppression board to the top row, where you can do no wrong.

SignOnTheWindow · 04/04/2022 00:56

For a straight white male, very slightly changing the pronouns you ask people to use about you is a quick and easy way to take a long ladder up the snakes and ladders board. Lo and behold! You've gone from 'scum of the earth' to 'can do no wrong'.

viques · 04/04/2022 00:43

won’t make this person a popular colleague I have a sneaking suspicion they/he/it weren’t/wasn’t a popular colleague anyway. The pronoun nonsense is final incontrovertible proof.

Datun · 04/04/2022 00:42

@Babdoc

Prelate great idea, but I would go one better. Call the whole department to the daily meeting, earnestly ask every single one what their pronouns are today, and what special recognition each of them need. Wait and see how long it takes for mutiny and common sense to prevail! And how soon before the no longer “special one” flounces…
Also get your own individual made up pronouns printed with a column showing each day of the week and which ones to use on each day.

Get it copied and laminated and hand them out. Whenever this person wants to talk to you smilingly make sure they consult their card first.

Send round periodic updates.

nepeta · 03/04/2022 23:50

Wonder what non-binaries do when the language doesn't have separate pronouns for the third person singular...

It sounds like a way to bully others, to demand a daily check on pronouns. Won't make this person a popular colleague.

BorisBooster · 03/04/2022 22:58

He/ him
She/ her
They / them
Twit / twat

KittenKong · 31/03/2022 19:41

It reminds me of people who proudly announce that they have Synesthesia - ‘Wednesday is yellow!’ Then next day ‘Wednesday is… hmmm… brown? No 3…’.

Ditto people who say they have a photographic memory…

MangyInseam · 31/03/2022 19:22

Yes, I read an essay but some tool who was a she/they or he/they (can't remember) and was insistent that people needed to vary them, and not just choose one and use it all the time,and that it should be in some reasonable proportion (using the word reasonable in the widest possible sense where it actually has no meaning.) Because the pronoun use somehow had to reflect this individual's inner world which was sometimes more masculine and sometimes more feminine and just using "they" all the time did't signal validation (my words.)

viques · 31/03/2022 19:17

Can you not point out to that person (I wrote him but wasn’t sure what day we are on) that it and them are perfectly lovely pronouns and would suit every occasion.

Babdoc · 31/03/2022 13:38

Prelate great idea, but I would go one better. Call the whole department to the daily meeting, earnestly ask every single one what their pronouns are today, and what special recognition each of them need.
Wait and see how long it takes for mutiny and common sense to prevail! And how soon before the no longer “special one” flounces…

GCMM · 31/03/2022 12:36

I've noticed a few of my students have changed their email signatures from she/her to she/they. I've completely ignored it and none of them have said anything. I think it's mostly performative, designed to keep them on the right side of the woke monitors.

PrelateChuckles · 31/03/2022 09:12

If he wants attention, give him attention.
Schedule a morning meeting every day with thim, take a notebook and sit thim down, ask what pronouns they're feeling today, ask if he's feeling anything else you need to know about, feed back to the rest of the team...

KittenKong · 31/03/2022 08:54

@waterlego

My older teen DC has a friend at school who is female but has given themselves a male name and likes he/they pronouns, depending on how they identify on a particular day. I asked DC how one was supposed to know which ones to use, and apparently the child wears a bracelet of a particular colour to signify the pronoun du jour. They all seem more or less willing to go along with it but I see it as more than a little self-obsessed.
I think even teens are getting fed up with this. It’s all tik tok fads for ‘personalities’ - that young woman who announces that she was about to transition because some of her ‘personalities’ are male. Confused
TheMarzipanDildo · 31/03/2022 08:44

@miri1985

The singer Halsey is she/they which most people would take to mean that someone is fine with either female or plural pronouns but great offense was taken when a magazine just referred to her using female pronouns, she thinks its disrepectful if you don't use a mix which I think most people would realise renders the point of pronouns moot

www.out.com/celebs/2021/7/21/halsey-claps-back-magazine-misgendered-them

"Halsey uses she/they pronouns, and usually, when someone says they use multiple pronouns, that means they want to be referred to by both of them. With most people who do, the best practice is to mix what pronouns you use, unless the person says they only want one pronoun to be used at the time."

I watched a sort of short film Halsey made. She was a medievalish queen who was raped by the king, became pregnant, and then had to deal with the aftermath when the child was born a girl. Halsey spent a lot of time naked.

It doesn’t sound like a lack of understanding of sex based oppression or gender dysphoria to me, so I’m going to assume they is just a narcissist.

Clymene · 31/03/2022 08:16

@tabbycatstripy

I had to listen to a conversation where people were like, “Why is anyone even bothered if someone wants to be called she/they? Just do it, man, it’s no big deal!”

Those people were time-rich, childless, economically secure, self-employed. It’s absolutely a big deal for someone to go into an ordinary workplace and disrupt things by insisting everyone checks to see what colour bracelet they’re wearing on any given day. People are busy. They might not have the mental space for it, and that needs to be okay.

They always are. It's never someone living on the bones of their arse, with 3 kids to feed living in a mouldy run down overpriced shithole is it?

And for straight white men, it's identifying into oppression.

tabbycatstripy · 31/03/2022 08:01

I had to listen to a conversation where people were like, “Why is anyone even bothered if someone wants to be called she/they? Just do it, man, it’s no big deal!”

Those people were time-rich, childless, economically secure, self-employed. It’s absolutely a big deal for someone to go into an ordinary workplace and disrupt things by insisting everyone checks to see what colour bracelet they’re wearing on any given day. People are busy. They might not have the mental space for it, and that needs to be okay.

Clymene · 31/03/2022 07:50

Meanwhile, in Ukraine ...

KitchenDancefloor · 31/03/2022 07:19

I work with a she/they.

There was a flurry of pronoun additions to email sign offs at last year when she started off as a she/her. I have no idea when the she/they change happened and I have no intention of asking.

She is female, feminine presenting and straight. However she is a rainbow badge wearer and maybe she sees this as being some kind of allyship.

I neither know nor care. Perhaps those of us who have raised young children become immune to attention seeking behaviour?

axolotlfloof · 31/03/2022 07:07

How self absorbed are they/he?
I think you shouldn't give it too much headspace, as it is ridiculous to expect people who are discussing you in your absence to know about your daily feelings.

Charley50 · 31/03/2022 06:35

It's pathetic.