How do you cope with being a closeted gender critical feminist...

I also work in a public sector that is supposed to be very impartial and politically neutral, but it isn't, at all. They also feel the need to indoctrinate us on how we should think about various topics, without even spending much effort to pretend they are talking about our professional interactions or work.

It's both maddening and upsetting. Not putting pronouns on my email signature or name-tag has been my major line in the sand. I haven't had many talks with people, I know some are fully on board with all of it, though I did have a conversation with one coolege who was surprised when an activist objected to something related to JKR, and when I told her what the controversy was, she actually agreed entirely. The media quashing these controversies here means a lot of people are totally unaware.

I actually love the place I work, but I'm training to switch over to another sector, which I know I won't like as much, but they won't presume to tell me what I should believe, and they'll pay me a lot more too.

I work in the public sector. We are supposed to be politically impartial but it feels like that has been dropped somehow. A political ideology is being pushed (I wouldn't describe it as a left ideology - it's far more individualist liberal than that). If anyone challenges that, on the internal social media or in training etc, they are shouted down. It's very different to how it used to be. Personally, I focus on activities outside work to keep me sane.

I am out and proud at work (teaching) and I've had lots of constructive conversations with people who hadn't engaged brain before but now agree with me. And only 1 argument. It's worth speaking out if you can.

I have to work incredibly hard to phrase things in a way that don’t cause too much aggro unfortunately. I work in a public service that holds a lot of reflection on these issues which would be fantastic but they are fully on board with TWAW and I’d be scared of the repercussions for my career if I said what my views were

Wrote to the Head of the Organisation to share my experiences of staying quiet and feeling unable to talk etc. he wrote back thanking me for my bravery and I'm meeting him in person next week (never met him before!) to discuss further.

@Chrysanthemum5 this feels worthy of a thread

I'm leaning towards just asking more questions and trying to pull more focus on Women at work rather than actively rebutting all the gender stuff.

For example, when we had IWD I contacted HR and asked why there was no gender pay gap reporting published for our company.

When the R&D team were suggesting replacing sex with gender on the drop down demographics collection I highlighted the need to retain the Sex question as actually early socialisation is as if not more important to us than personal identity as adults.

We had Skip level meetings with the CEO in the past few months and I asked his opinion on why there were so few women in the exec group.

www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/man-swaps-email-signatures-with-female-colleague-and-is-disheartened-by-way-he-is-treated/R7G4UZBFAKNHBJECY32OAA5ACA/

There aren’t too many pronouns where I work but the D & I team and committee are very full on. Following on from a D & I survey that asked about gender but but not sex (and assumed the respondents believed in it) it was so disheartening on International Women’s Day to read various posts, most of which had to bring trans women into them. And all 4 women (including 2 senior ones) in an online discussion included their pronouns and described themselves as cis.

I did write to my (male) boss about the misogynistic implications of all this and we’re going to have a chat about it. I suspect he hasn’t thought about it from a GC perspective at all.

Working from home is so key! I'm fully remote in my work thank the gods! I could not exist in such a space, keeping silent is not my strong suit but something I've learned is people simply do not care about logic or the truth. Things have become absolutely nuts and still people won't back down or listen to reason.

You would 100% not be doing yourself any favours by speaking up. I spoke up a lot about this on social media three years ago and won so many enemies, ‘she's a terf’ etc.
Today I simply do not discuss it. I do ask questions though.

You can either keep your mouth shut and smile and nod, or you can simply ask questions and genuinely, not sarcastically, information gather on their views, say it's so you can understand. Ask, ask, ask, and then just say you're considering their points and don’t disagree.

This will make them think and will keep you covered.

I think simply saying 'Actually, I'm not Cis' if someone refers to you as such is very effective. I did this when a transactivist at work called me Cis. They immediately apologised. No doubt because they had assumed I was one of the boring people but now they understood I must be one of the special people.

[quote Cheetocat]@jackjack0962 That's funny because I've corresponded with people for years before knowing they were trans so I just don't make assumptions at all. Also I don't think the people using the word "cis" think it means you're a subset of anything, it just means you were born how you identify, a biological man/woman, so I don't think the colleagues have bad intentions.[/quote]
If someone wants to identify themselves as trans then that’s fine, but why do people who make such a thing about having the right to identify yourself as how you want to be seen and known get so snippy when women who just want to be called women try to assert their right to be known as what they want to be known as? I don’t want to be called a ciswoman, just as I don’t want to be called a girl, a bit of stuff, a tart, a skirt, a chapess or a bird, I am a woman.

It’s not bad intentions, it’s double standards.

( funnily enough autocorrect changed my fat fingered typing of ciswoman to acid woman, I could go with that I think )

[quote Cheetocat]@jackjack0962 That's funny because I've corresponded with people for years before knowing they were trans so I just don't make assumptions at all. Also I don't think the people using the word "cis" think it means you're a subset of anything, it just means you were born how you identify, a biological man/woman, so I don't think the colleagues have bad intentions.[/quote]
When you say ‘corresponded’ do you mean you’ve actually seen them face to face? Are you male?

Also what @RubyTrees said. ‘Cis’ people don’t have an identity. They just are. I don’t believe in gender so it’s insulting to label me as though I do.

I don't think the people using the word "cis" think it means you're a subset of anything, it just means you were born how you identify, a biological man/woman

I don't identify as a woman - there's no need, I just am.

@jackjack0962 That's funny because I've corresponded with people for years before knowing they were trans so I just don't make assumptions at all. Also I don't think the people using the word "cis" think it means you're a subset of anything, it just means you were born how you identify, a biological man/woman, so I don't think the colleagues have bad intentions.

[quote Cheetocat]@VelvetChairGirl If someone says they're not cis then it's going to sound like they are transgender which I don't think OP wants people to assume about them.[/quote]
Don’t be so ridiculous. That’s not OPs concern at all. It’s insulting to be called cis. Women are not a subset of their own sex.

It’s generally very clear when someone is trans and really doesn’t need announcing.

My workplace is very full on TWAW and 'most marginalised' etc and has been for a few years. I don't publicly talk about it at work but I'm on the the senior team so I've openly pushed back against the use of 'cis', compulsory pronouns, and I insist on the correct protected characteristics being used. It's caused some tension with my line manager who has hinted she finds my views 'problematic'.

I hadn't done anything too public as I need this job. However one of my colleagues compared GC feminists to nazis and I just snapped. Wrote to the Head of the Organisation to share my experiences of staying quiet and feeling unable to talk etc. he wrote back thanking me for my bravery and I'm meeting him in person next week (never met him before!) to discuss further.

I still won't discuss too much in my office as the most rabid trans allies there are very aggressive in their views and I don't have the patience for that.

@VelvetChairGirl If someone says they're not cis then it's going to sound like they are transgender which I don't think OP wants people to assume about them.

I think pronouns are useful, I often can't tell how someone would identify from just their name. Your colleagues probably already know you don't have the same views as them since you're not participating in publicising your own pronouns etc.. I don't think your employer would do anything if you complained because what you are describing is quite normal in 2022.

There's no shame in not knowing how to respond to insane things. writing down how it made you feel might help if you discuss it in future.

@velvetchairgirl - I really wish I had. It happened really fast, caught me by surprise and I felt sad and hurt and almost tearful all at once, plus worried as it showed they believe it all and I hadn't realised that before. I still kick myself and think about bringing it up again to point out how it made me feel.

OP (and others) I think by not putting pronouns on your email signature you are saying something, I think it helps others who also don't want to do this feel they are not alone. Where I work (big NHS organision) I think only about 20% at most have pronouns on their emails, though it could vary between departments.

a simple I am not cis dont call me cis should surface, if they push you state you do not identify as cis as you do not believe in gender you are a woman that is all.

dont get drawn in just state your boundaries if being called something offends you call it out, and if they continue call out their hypocrisy and tell them to be kind and not label others against their will, it is offensive.

OP thanks for starting this thread because it's a bloody good question affecting many of us.

I think for starters, regardless of whether you plan to do anything or not, start a log, take screenshots and log all harmful conversations and demands. by capturing it, at some point it might be useful.