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Original poster

Are the wife and children really fine?

507 replies

DancingBarefootOnIce · 22/03/2022 08:03

A man I used to be close friends with recently came out as a transwoman on Facebook. I was a bit surprised as when I knew them in their 20s they were just a typical man. They’re now mid 30s and married to a woman with three children.

Anyway in their post the second sentence was something along the lines of “Don’t worry my wife and children are fine”. I’ve seen it before in stories like this or when someone comes out as gay.
It’s almost like there’s going to be an accusation of homophobia or transphobia if they’re not alright with it. It just doesn’t feel right. If my partner or father came out with something like that it would change so many things in thinking about past relationships etc.

OP posts:
Theeyeballsinthefuckingsky · 22/03/2022 08:29

They’re almost certainly not ok but as the good ship MEEEEEE sails on your friend either won’t notice or won’t care

MingeofDeath · 22/03/2022 08:28

Yeas, the wife and children are always fine. The wife especially as she has just had the rug pulled from underneath her marriage and is expected to not be anything but 100% supportive of the husband's transition.

Firefliess · 22/03/2022 08:27

It wouldn't be ok with me. I'm heterosexual and fancy DH as a man. But I have a friend whose DP has recently come out as trans and she does say she's happy about it. She says DP is a happier person now so she's happy for them. I don't feel I can start telling her she's not really ok about it, or shouldn't be ok about it when she says she's fine. They have young kids who are apparently ok about it too, though I've not spoken to them myself.

AlisonDonut · 22/03/2022 08:26

It sounds like 'he doth protest too much' to me.

If they were fine, would he have mentioned it at all?

CrossStichQueen · 22/03/2022 08:26

If you mean that her wife or children might be themselves bigoted towards her, then thatwouldbe transphobic and should rightly be called out as such

What would you class as bigoted?
The children refusing to call dad mum now?
Not using chosen pronouns?

ElaineFuchs · 22/03/2022 08:22

Maybe this woman's wife is bisexual or pansexual?

I think it depends what you mean by "not alright with it".

If you mean that her wife and children might be troubled by their exposure to societies transphobia (for instance being bullied at school for having a transgender mum) then that's a valid concern. The UK is home to some terrible transphobia.

If you mean that her wife or children might be themselves bigoted towards her, then that would be transphobic and should rightly be called out as such!

(And just to help prevent this being misinterpreted, I wouldn't consider it transphobic for a straight woman to want to end a romantic relationship with a trans woman who's recently found herself).

Congratulations to them all!

CrossStichQueen · 22/03/2022 08:12

After reading the transwidow threads and other blogs/articles written by women and the adult children of these men I think its more likely that they are not ok in the slightest.
I agree with you that the pressure put on the families is huge and bullying with calls of them to "be kind" and accept this persons authentic self with threats off being labelled transphobic.