Are the wife and children really fine?

Elaine - you need to stop saying “cis”. We aren’t a sub category of women, we are women. Thanks.

But a man suddenly insisting that his wife and kids refer to him as 'she', 'her' and 'mummy' is a change that to be honest, was not in the original agreement when they married and fathered children.

Some might be fine with it, but I'd be curious as to how 'actually' fine they were vs pressure to keep the family together, to not appear bigoted or whatever- I suspect the acceptance of this is not made in isolation.

Please bear in mind though that as a cis person, it's not really my place to say something isn't transphobic for sure. The voice of the trans community should speak with much more weight than mine in this case.

Could somebody explain pansexual to me? What other sexes are there to be attracted to? Hetero= opposite sex, homo=same sex and bi= both sexes so where does pan feature?

There is no ‘right’ way for someone to feel if this happened to them, despite some people seemingly wanting the wife and kids to be traumatised and not accepting any other possibility

But everything has impacts on relationships. Illness, weight gain/loss, mental illness, trauma, disabilities, kids, job changes, money worries etc

As much as anyone tries to stick it out because they feel they have to , or indeed want to, let's not pretend this will be something seamless transition where they all skip into the sunset wearing eachothers clothes.

Maybe they are fine, maybe they’re not. I don’t think it’s up to anyone else to speculate how they should or shouldn’t be feeling. There is no ‘right’ way for someone to feel if this happened to them, despite some people seemingly wanting the wife and kids to be traumatised and not accepting any other possibility.

That's also what men who fuck off every weekend for their hobby leaving their wife and kids alone says. It's what every man who finds a younger woman and leaves his wife and kids says. It's what every man who spends the family money on themselves says. Basically, it is what every man who really only thinks of themselves and does not consider women to be anything more than support humans to him, his life, needs and wants thinks.

Well yes. I mean I'm.straight but I'm.attracted to certain things in a man. If those things no longer were there it would have an impact . Being bi sexual wouod certainly not mean a complete personality/action change/lifestyle change would just be absorbed. I find it a realky odd argument

In my experience the transwoman declares that there's no effect on the wife and children. The reality is that they are all in therapy to help them deal with it.

And in the case I'm thinking of the parents, the close friends, al struggling, all in therapy.

“Maybe this woman's wife is bisexual or pansexual?”

I’m bisexual, and I don’t think I’d be fine with it. That’s a lot to process. The transformation itself (with hormone injections and surgery depending on the person, and all the trouble that goes along with that). And possibly the sensation of being parodied/mimicked. Worries about AGP.

Or if they have gender dysphoria, the fact that someone you love for who they are doesn’t love themselves like that. That’s quite sad, I would imagine.

You'd like to hear it from the wife/children themselves, rather than their self-appointed spokesperson.

It's far too early to say; there are a lot of issues to be processed first. The poster may have been thinking about this for a long time but for the rest of the family it will still be 'the shock of the new'.

*loopy = lippy, obvs.

Of course they aren't OK. Their father which is still what they will legally be on the birth certificate. That has been tested in court and so far in this country has not legally been changed according to identity so it should be ok to call this person the father still, has just completely changed the game.

Quiet compliance should never be mistaken for belief or acceptance. The family will obviously be struggling with the new demands being made of them without their consent ir understanding.

Only someone so self involved would ever believe this is OK fir them.

Everyone's allowed their feelings. Your friend is allowed to skip off into the sunset in 3 inch heels and red loopy. The family are allowed to feel exactly what they want about this. What's not on is the reassurance that everyone is fine in the wake of what's bound to be a dreadful upheaval.

And like fuck I'd allow my kid to call his dad 'mum'. If that makes me a bigot, so be it.

Well it’s never a transman coming out being happily supported by his husband is it???

(And just to help prevent this being misinterpreted, I wouldn't consider it transphobic for a straight woman to want to end a romantic relationship with a trans woman who's recently found herself).

What a kind and generous person you are.

Selfish AF. Those poor kids having their world turned upside down. The wife having her whole married life turned in to a sham. Live and let live is fine, as long as you're not dragging anyone else's emotions into it.

I have come to the conclusion that large numbers of people, probably the majority, would rather be in a mediocre or outright shit relationship than be single. I assume people think it's better to muddle along rather than face the perceived social stigma and the extra expense and logistics of living alone.

Nice that he mentions them as an after thought in the last sentence. They might be absolutely thrilled with it but as Elaine illustrates they may also be absolutely unable to say anything whatsoever in case they are dragged through SM as filthy transphobic bigots. Read the TWidows threads and show me a single woman that hasn’t had their lives turned upside down, their voices taken away and been forced into a position they have absolutely no say in.

I think it's complex. The trouble with the whole idea that people are magically 'all right' with it and that any reaction that isn't just splitting up but otherwise is smiley and fine is transphobic is denying that human emotions exist.

Life is messy. Emotions are messy. You try having your whole childhood/marriage revealed as a lie and see if you can magically 'be all right with it'. That doesn't mean you blame the trans/gay person but people can't switch off reactions to events that change their own life. Or at least they shouldn't have to.

The wife and three children are not fine. Your world shifting in its axis does not result in feeling 'fine'.

As for the don't criticise vibe, I've got two words. Stephanie Schofield.