Are the wife and children really fine?

*ElaineFuchs

Toomanyradishes

I would leave my husband if he was trans, but that doesnt make me transphobic and its idiotic to suggest it would. I fell in love with my husband, a man, with certain personality traits and physical characteristics. If my husband decided he was in fact a transwoman not only would my entire marriage be based on a lie which I would find very traumatising and hard to forgive, he would be rejecting the personality and charcter traits and physical characteristics that I found appealing.

There is no other senario where a partener finds out their entire relatioship is based on a sham and they have been lied to and is expected to just grit their teeth, smile sweetly and be fine with it.

I know first hand several relationships in which this has happened without any issue at all. Nobody thought that the relationship was based on a sham to my knowledge.

You are of course free to end a relationship if someone's personality changes or if their physical attributes change; I don't think that's inherently transphobic.*

So its simultaneously exactly the same to be married to a transwoman as it is to be married to a man, and they will look and act exactly the same, but transwomen are not men

Look either they are different, aka transwomen are women, and therefore its not transphobic to be upset and struggle with the transition as a wife, or transwomen are in fact men and its exactly the same to be married to them but it can be both.

If neither their personality or their physical attributes change then where is the fucking transition?

If my husband came out as gay i reserve the right to be upset and not be 'fine' and thats not homophobic, its actually quite natural because your whole world changes
If my husband came out as trans I reserve the right to be upset and not be 'fine' and thats not transphobic, its actually quite natural because your whole world changes

If you are in a partnership your actions have an impact on your partner. It doesnt mean that you shouldnt do or be something ypu feel strongly in but it is selfish to refuse to acknowledge the impact on your partner

@TeaKlaxon but others come to it later, particularly those who have had to suppress those feelings or simply never had a name to relate their feelings to.

Women and children shouldn't have to pay the price for that. It's not fair on them. You clearly empathise with men over women. My empathy is for women and children.

Concern!

That assumes they knew when they got married that they were trans. Of course many trans people come to that realisation at a young age, but others come to it later, particularly those who have had to suppress those feelings or simply never had a name to relate their feelings to

Suppress feelings of what?. Give a definition of trans that doesn't involve stereotypes. Other wise it's no different to putting on a dress you hate for granny's birthday or being not allowed to wear trousers at school which most of us women had to do for years without it being some traumatic experience to the point it justifies lying to your spouses.

Even the professionals cannot come up with a definition that actually defines the terms. I.mean it's no longer considered a mental.illness. no changing of presentation required. It's not stereotypes. The body isn't wrong. So.what is.it? And why do wives have to feel.aorry fir the8r husbands who don't give up.any.aspects if their male privilege demonstrated by the fact that its usually the wives left home with the.kids dealing with it all whole eveeyone feels.sorry for the male.

Feels.sorry fir what?

Because that's the focus of the current moral panic

You mean the valid concerns of women worried that self I'd legislation will allow some predatory men to abuse it to gain access to female single sex spaces. That legitimate concer!

And women like those married to transwomen or to gay men, not only have to put on a public face of being fine for the sake of the men who have lied to them, they also have been denied the love and proper passion they deserve. We all deserve a love story. We all deserve to be adored and fancied. And our children deserve to have the parents they have always known.
If a man wants to dress as a woman, have a female babe, use female pronouns then he should have that, but we can still feel sorry for those left behind whose lives have been a lie. That isn’t trans phobic or bigoted.

Or if they have gender dysphoria, the fact that someone you love for who they are doesn’t love themselves like that. That’s quite sad, I would imagine.

That's a very interesting comment I haven't considered before.

You love your husband for who they are, in the body of what they are; my husband's exact personality in a female body for example would be a brilliant friendship, but not an intimate relationship. Not saying the man turns into a female body, obviously, but it would be very hard your DP genuinely hated something so fundamental about themselves that they seeked to destroy it.

It would be very

To me fine means coping with it and trying to adapt. It means they haven't disowned her, not that they are delighted about it.

It doesn't mean marriage isn't over or wife isn't upset that her partner is not who she thought or that children don't have a lot to deal with.

Gosh my bingo card has filled up several times over

Frothing
Intersex
Moral panic

Are we hysterical too or have i missed that?

"I knew it would all be the womens' fault somehow.

Pesky women. All of us. How dare we."

Of course I didn't say that. But why let facts get in the way.

"Once again more evidence that you are incapable of reading and comprehending. If you read this thread you would see it's about the transwoman silencing the wife and children and speaking for them and claiming they are 'fine' when they're not."

But no one here knows if the wife and children are fine or not.

And why is saying 'X is fine' silencing them? Have the wife and children lost all access to social media? Are they unable to speak up if they think they're state has been misrepresented?

The problem here is that people expect that everyone else will froth at the mouth as much as they would at encountering a trans person. Actually, for plenty of spouses of trans people, either the relationship survives, or it doesn't but ends amicably. And of course any adaptation in a relationship can be difficult, and an end of a marriage is obviously difficult. It may well be that the wife and children went through a lengthy period of not being fine but have come out the other side and now are fine.

Honestly, the number of people on here who consider that they know people's lives better than they do themselves is staggering.

Oh hello more evidence that the people who most want to make it hard for trans people to come out at an early stage in their lives so they can be authentically themselves as early as possible, also want to shit on trans people who have come out much later in life because they live in a society that still forces people into the closet for years and years

What is really shit is entering into a marriage contract based on a lie. They always had a choice to not do that part even if they felt they couldn't come out.

@SevenWaystoLeave but the media articles are overwhelmingly about how these men transitioning is without problem - the point of this whole thread??

The media line is about how wonderful it is without downside. So my point is why then are there not also the same amount of articles about how wonderful it is featuring middle aged women transition to be male!

Pesky women. All of us. How dare we.

How can they be really?
I strongly feel that if there are children, the very least you can do is wait until they are older before satisfying your fetish or dysphoria as it's unfair on them & also their mother. It's much more difficult to leave a marriage while caring for young children, parfticularly if you have no independent income.

Oh hello more evidence that the people who most want to make it hard for trans people to come out at an early stage in their lives so they can be authentically themselves as early as possible, also want to shit on trans people who have come out much later in life because they live in a society that still forces people into the closet for years and years.

@Selky
I'm sorry you went through this .💐

In the family I know where the man transitioned, the wife and teen sons were definitely NOT fine. But she would probably have said they were.

However the child I know who was born into and lives with a family that includes a trans woman seems very fine, as far as I know from knowing them socially.