Page 5 | AIBU? Trans friend....

OrchardBlack · 2022-03-21T22:41:13+00:00

Have NC'd for this. So a close friend of mine (female) and I booked tickets to an event in our town some time ago, due to take place in a few weeks. Both excited and looking forward to it , all good. A few weeks ago she asks me if a male , straight friend of hers can also join, no problem, the more the merrier. I've never met him. Except it now transpires that he has (quite suddenly from what I gather) said he is transitioning to be a woman and will use this night as his 'coming out'. He has messaged my friend saying that he's going to wear a sun dress and heels and he's nervous but excited too. He has also said we are to refer to him by his female name. My friend says he is currently in a relationship with a woman. Now my friend is saying she is finding this all a lot to take on so suddenly as she's known him for many years as his male name and never even seen him with makeup on. I asked if he would be using the women's toilets on our night out, she doesn't know but I can only assume he is. I feel very uncomfortable, as does my friend. I am fully supportive of people choosing to live how they wish, I just can't help feeling he's high-jacked our night. He isn't out as trans to any of his family etc so he has said no photos of the night etc. I'm also massively concerned that he is clearly still attracted to women and what this means for the safe spaces such as toilets etc. She says she doesn't feel like she can talk to him about it and is concocting a plan to say she has covid and giving me my money back so we don't go. I'm dissapointed as I was looking forward to it. AIBU to be deflated and a bit annoyed??

Ameanstreakamilewide · 22/03/2022 20:03

@Susu49

Um, yes I think yabu. Why can't you be happy for him?

Disclaimer: I'm aware I don't hold the same views as many in mumsnet.

You couldn't even keep up the pretence for one sentence, could you??

Nellodee · 22/03/2022 20:00

Its the difference between 95% of sex offenders are males, and 95% of males are sex offenders. If I say the first and people choose to hear the second, then that's their poor comprehension skills, not my bigotry.

Lockheart · 22/03/2022 19:57

@HailAdrian

See, this is what fucks me off about mumsnet. I don't believe that anyone can change sex. I don't believe anyone with a dick should be using spaces meant for women and girls. I don't believe biological makes should be competing against women in sport.

You lot though, come out with shit like this, implying the majority of transwomen are dangerous, calling them 'it,' etc. and then deny you are transphobic. Why not show some basic respect or at least stop lying and accept that yes, you are transphobic.

I'd like to add my support to this.

I'm gender critical. I'm not a twat.

Nellle · 22/03/2022 19:51

@HailAdrian

See, this is what fucks me off about mumsnet. I don't believe that anyone can change sex. I don't believe anyone with a dick should be using spaces meant for women and girls. I don't believe biological makes should be competing against women in sport.

You lot though, come out with shit like this, implying the majority of transwomen are dangerous, calling them 'it,' etc. and then deny you are transphobic. Why not show some basic respect or at least stop lying and accept that yes, you are transphobic.

@HailAdrian I'm agree with this 100% 👏👏👏👏 Most people I speak to in real life feel this way too.

It's possible to not want male bodies in changing rooms or female sport without calling trans women perverts, fetishists, fantasists and misogynists. I think the posters who use this kind of language then claim not to be transphobic are knowingly disingenuous.

HailAdrian · 22/03/2022 19:46

Oh and again, I'd file this under 'things that never happened.' I suspect OP has achieved his/her aim though.

HailAdrian · 22/03/2022 19:40

@PinaColada123456 I was responding to this

Excuse me, you have no idea what “most transwomen” are like. Nor have I, but I don’t pretend to. Read the news for plentiful court reports of crimes by transwomen

That was said in response to this

The last transwoman I spoke to was the gentlest person I’ve ever met. She actually avoids public toilets or goes in the disabled as doesn’t want to make biological woman feel uncomfortable. This is what most transwomen are like.

Please tell me where 'transwomen barely commit any crimes' was said?

PenStation · 22/03/2022 19:40

Using women’s loos and going on a night out with someone they don’t really know. It seems an unlikely scenario, too much in one go, unless there’s something they aren’t telling you.

Everyone is different, but it was a huge deal for my trans woman friend to walk from her house to her car in the early days, let alone walk into a packed venue full of people who have been drinking.

Would your friend be willing to talk to their friend and gently suggest a gentler social event that might be easier for them to navigate and free you up to carry out your original plans?

HailAdrian · 22/03/2022 19:38

@JayAlfredPrufrock

You lot.

Odfod

Oh dear.

WanderinWomb · 22/03/2022 19:36

I'm up to page 11 and still don't know why this isn't in AIBU .

Did the OP request it to be moved or waz that a non collaborative move by the mods? I'm puzzled.

DdraigGoch · 22/03/2022 19:28

@HailAdrian

See, this is what fucks me off about mumsnet. I don't believe that anyone can change sex. I don't believe anyone with a dick should be using spaces meant for women and girls. I don't believe biological makes should be competing against women in sport.

You lot though, come out with shit like this, implying the majority of transwomen are dangerous, calling them 'it,' etc. and then deny you are transphobic. Why not show some basic respect or at least stop lying and accept that yes, you are transphobic.

Who used "it"?

PinaColada123456 · 22/03/2022 19:20

@HailAdrian

See, this is what fucks me off about mumsnet. I don't believe that anyone can change sex. I don't believe anyone with a dick should be using spaces meant for women and girls. I don't believe biological makes should be competing against women in sport.

You lot though, come out with shit like this, implying the majority of transwomen are dangerous, calling them 'it,' etc. and then deny you are transphobic. Why not show some basic respect or at least stop lying and accept that yes, you are transphobic.

@HailAdrian That was in response to people saying that transwomen barely commit any crimes. Evidence shows there is a fair proportion that do. In fact, 50% of the Transwomen in prison are there for sex offences compared with 11% in the general male population. Facts are very important in a discussion. Comprehension and following a discussion thread is important and if you had you would have understood why that poster said what they said - because of the deniers who say 'it doesn't happen! It doesn't happen! It doesn't happen!' Also please don't lie, no one on this site calls them 'it', I've been here in some form or another for years, and that is not posted, if it does the posts are deleted almost straight away.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 22/03/2022 19:15

You lot.

Odfod

HailAdrian · 22/03/2022 19:14

OK, @Artichokeleaves, do you believe that all transwomen are disrespectful towards you? Are you angry with all of them?

PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 22/03/2022 19:13

You lot though, come out with shit like this, implying the majority of transwomen are dangerous, calling them 'it,' etc. and then deny you are transphobic. Why not show some basic respect or at least stop lying and accept that yes, you are transphobic

Well said.

Artichokeleaves · 22/03/2022 19:12

Troll hunting is frowned upon.

Artichokeleaves · 22/03/2022 19:12

@HailAdrian

See, this is what fucks me off about mumsnet. I don't believe that anyone can change sex. I don't believe anyone with a dick should be using spaces meant for women and girls. I don't believe biological makes should be competing against women in sport.

You lot though, come out with shit like this, implying the majority of transwomen are dangerous, calling them 'it,' etc. and then deny you are transphobic. Why not show some basic respect or at least stop lying and accept that yes, you are transphobic.

Please report all posts that meet your claims and have them deleted, HQ will be very glad to help
Basic respect has to be reciprocal if it's going to work.
It is the lack of respect towards women and girls that has led to women becoming angry and they have discovered by long experience that being terribly polite and the bigger person and so on has got them nowhere except further taken advantage of.

HailAdrian · 22/03/2022 19:08

Excuse me, you have no idea what “most transwomen” are like. Nor have I, but I don’t pretend to. Read the news for plentiful court reports of crimes by transwomen

Meant to quote this.

PriamFarrl · 22/03/2022 19:08

I care not about the trans status of this person but I would be annoyed at having a day muscled in on like this by someone I hardly know.

HailAdrian · 22/03/2022 19:07

See, this is what fucks me off about mumsnet. I don't believe that anyone can change sex. I don't believe anyone with a dick should be using spaces meant for women and girls. I don't believe biological makes should be competing against women in sport.

You lot though, come out with shit like this, implying the majority of transwomen are dangerous, calling them 'it,' etc. and then deny you are transphobic. Why not show some basic respect or at least stop lying and accept that yes, you are transphobic.

PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 22/03/2022 19:00

Excuse me, you have no idea what “most transwomen” are like. Nor have I, but I don’t pretend to. Read the news for plentiful court reports of crimes by transwomen

News reports of crimes committed by transwomen don't amount to a majority of transwomen either.

Arsewangry · 22/03/2022 17:27

Ffs yes that would piss me off too. It's not her coming out as such that would piss me off, not my circus not my monkeys. But it's the fact that her monkeys are pissing all over your night out - the night out you planned to spend with your friend has very suddenly stopped being about having a great night out at a gig and started being about your friend's friend's coming out which isn't what you signed up to. So no, yanbu.

HailAdrian · 22/03/2022 17:13

Ooh well done, you reeled them in OP!

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 22/03/2022 17:09

The last transwoman I spoke to was the gentlest person I’ve ever met. She actually avoids public toilets or goes in the disabled as doesn’t want to make biological woman feel uncomfortable. This is what most transwomen are like.

Excuse me, you have no idea what “most transwomen” are like. Nor have I, but I don’t pretend to. Read the news for plentiful court reports of crimes by transwomen.

And I object to your friend or anyone else using the disabled toilets if they are not disabled.

RoyKentsChestHair · 22/03/2022 16:59

@Susu49

Sorry, her

Kennykenkencat · 22/03/2022 16:56

[quote Midlifemusings]@Kennykenkencat

We have no way to know what he will be like. He doesn't want to be in pictures on his first night in a dress because he isn't ready for it to spread though his friend's social media. I can respect that.

There is nothing that says he will dominate the conversation and make it all about him. It is being reported third hand by Op who heard it from a friend who spoke to the guy.

If OPs friend has known him awhile and been friends, it isn't like putting a dress on is going to flick a switch that turns him into an asshole.

People are inventing problems that don't exist in this scenario just to have something to be mad about but they are arguging against their own assumptions and ideas - not the actual person or facts as we know them[/quote]
We already know what he is going to wear, and he is already saying that no one can take pictures.

Of course those won’t be the only things.