AIBU? Trans friend....

[quote MichelleScarn]**@SolasAnla* . I don't like to but can you imagine the abuse females will have if females enter that male toilets?!* why would females randomly decide to use the male loo?[/quote]
Its some kind of Dress Code apparently.

Dress in a dress go in the door with a pic of a dress.

Dress in trousers go in the door with the pic of trousers.

For me, If I was in your position, no, it wouldn’t be a big deal. YABU. But I’m not you and it’s fine if you’re annoyed. You don’t need anyone’s permission.

I’m not the police of what the right and wrong ways to transition are. At what point is it ok for them to start attending events in their chosen presentation without it being about them? They have to come out sometime. I don’t see how they are making it about them as much as you are. Maybe it’s a small town and this will cause a stir?

Some of the language you used seem to focus on things that make me think this is about more than someone hijacking your night though. No one needed to know what she was planning on wearing or which toilets she was hoping to use to get the point across. You’ve also said that this person is transitioning, but then said in your second post that “he’s a straight male”.

I’m also not one to care about what toilets people use. If a man wants to attack a woman in the toilet, he doesn’t need to wear a dress to magically get into the ladies room. And as for her still being attracted to women - I mean, you’ve probably been in the toilet with a lesbian or bi woman before. I don’t really get it. I’ve been in mixed gender toilets I’ve never found anyone attractive in them. Am I missing something here?

It just doesn’t sound like you’re comfortable or happy with this plan, and that’s ok! Again, you don’t need anyone’s permission. If your friend isn’t comfortable talking to their friend about their discomfort with them using this event as a place to wear women’s clothes out for the first time, then cancel and make some new plans. If you’re that disappointed about missing this specific event, can you go with someone else? It would be better for everyone. Despite the rhetoric I don’t think any politically correct trans rights folks are going to show up at your door with pitchforks.

OP you have perfectly summed up my feelings about this whole gender identity farrago. On the one hand you have someone who genuinely has gender dysmorphia and who thankfully is able to transition. On the other you have an attention seeking agent provocateur who is abusing you and your friends good will. I would hope I would have the courage to tell them that they are not welcome to accompany you, that if they still insist on going they will not be in your company any more than any other attendee at the event and that you are not going to let them spoil your enjoyment of a long anticipated event. Hopefully they will identify as a decent person and leave you and your friend out of it.

OP if you’re at all considering just agreeing with this dude, do take a look at this article by a psychologist about how very harmful and damaging to the trans person (as well as others) it is to affirm their delusions:

www.transgendertrend.com/teenager-says-theyre-transgender/

[quote HollowedOut]@Susu49 you can be happy for someone while also being pissed off that they’re hijacking your night out with your mate and making it all about themselves.[/quote]
Agree with this

So he has a problem in the gents' toilet and somehow women have some sort of responsibility?

Yup. And somehow it's all our fault.

@SolasAnla . I don't like to but can you imagine the abuse females will have if females enter that male toilets?! why would females randomly decide to use the male loo?

To be honest this isn’t anything to do with trans stuff. It’s to do with someone hijacking another persons night out to make it all about them them them. Could have been say deciding it was going to be their birthday do instead . It’s not appropriate.

This is totally likely to happen. Hear about this cropping up all the time. I can't book a night out with the girls without some guy joining in dressed in a sun dress (in March?!)

So your night out has been hijacked by a man who wants to cosplay and is railroading 2 women to be part of it? Fuck that! If your friend doesn’t want to be straight with him, perhaps claim you have Covid and go out anyway with him. Why should you miss out on a long planned for event to suit a narcissist?
He can always join a Trans support group and arrange his coming out party with willing participants.

I did say that I don't like it, but I think it would be incredibly naive to think they would use this opportunity to to dress as a woman and still use the men's toilet rather than the women's.

if the abuse is some big burly bearded fashionable nerd telling his mate that "yes that sun dress really accentuated your big fat ass" its not a criminal matter.

But the slight if hand in the narrative is built on males in male toilets are horrifically violent to someone dressed as a woman.

Of course females dressed as a female will be using the female toilets. I don't like to but can you imagine the abuse females will have if females enter that male toilets?!
"GtFO, Go use the female toilets this is a male only toilet"

Again abuse but not criminal.

OP, YANBU.

There is something quite spectacular - stunning, even - about so many transwomen’s ability to display their innate maleness and entitlement, isn’t there?

What is also remarkable, is that so many transwomen keep their penises. And they’re still attracted to women.

And now they’re in our spaces.

We don’t know which male-bodied people (men) are threats to women, because they don’t have handy signs on their head.

Which is why we need single sex (not gender) spaces.

In the past, when social progress has been made, it hasn’t impacted on other groups.

Women getting the vote didn’t actually impact on men.

Civil rights didn’t impact on white people.

Gay marriage didn’t impact on straight people.

That’s not the case with trans rights. They do impact on women. Negatively.

TRAs can keep insisting women role over. But we’re not going to.

I'd reserve judgment on "pretty," having seen a Posie Parker video tonight.

twitter.com/madeleinekearns/status/1505892843247841288?s=21

@Susu49 happy for someone she's never met that's highjacking her night out with her friend and making all these fucking rules like a celeb? No photos. Refer to me as this. And the fact that he will probably be using WOMENs toilets (woman as in born with a vagina and a womb)

No. No thank you.

A SUNDRESS IN APRIL?

I'm worried. This person will not have the benefits of a female fat to muscle ratio.

I'm mean, I'm female, and very very fat and even I wouldn't risk this wardrobe disaster without at least a pashmina and packamac in my handbag.

Are you sure your new BFF has done "their" research?

He sounds to me more like a transvestite. Or don't they exist any more?

His feelings are more important than any woman sharing the toilet with him. His feelings are more important than his friend or you. It's all about him and his first go at going out dressed up all pretty in a frock.

You don't matter.

Bloody hell tell him to jog on.
Bloke tagging along will totally change your dynamic from pair of friends to awkward triangle with only one person that knows both the others. Adding in a load of stipulations about how you could enjoy your time (photos secrecy etc) is another layer. And then over the top you're supposed to change your nice time out to being a celebration of him"coming out"

No thank you
Tell him to have his midlife crisis somewhere else

Why would a man in a dress get abused using the blokes loos. All anyone ever wants to do in a loo is to pee in peace. So we are constantly told.

Absolutely! All the men should just be applauding them for living their true life, shouldn't they and be the best support humans they can be shouldn't they?