AIBU? Trans friend....

Sorry to digress slightly but does anyone who's been here a while remember a thread about a group of friends that were going on a spa weekend (possibly a hen do but might just have been a girls weekend). They wanted to bring along a friend who was a transwoman but were unsure as there was a woman within the group who had suffered directly from male violence (possible sexual assault). She was worried that having a transwoman there might make this other woman feel uncomfortable

The thread got a bit heated. There was also general discussion about how many women didn't like spa weekends. I would love to see that thread again. It has slight links with this one. Apologies OP again but I think it was quite a while ago but I remember it being one of the first threads where I really examined what I felt about this issue and I'd like to see it again. And as everyone knows the search facility on MN has been absolute shite since the update so I won't even bother trying to use it!

There was a man, (I have forgotten his name , something Pink ?) who went into the gents in all sorts of places and then posted about it on Twitter. He usually wore a pvc mini, fishnets and heels. Anyway his posts were along the lines of “yet again no hassle for me in the gents”.
I think that most men would simply ignore a bloke in women’s clothing in the gents.

A female using women's toilets or safe spaces would be fine. Lesbian women and trans men are welcome.

Women don't have the same track record of rape/assault/upskirting/voyeurism/exhibitionism etc. as males do.

A man dressed as a woman isn't abused in mens toilets so there is nothing for men to sort out.

I don't know why a man dressed as a woman should be abused for going into the men's toilets. But this is a matter for men to sort out for themselves.

Well, if her friend is dressed as a woman, presents as a woman and behaves as a woman…

When is a trans woman not a trans woman?
When he’s a heterosexual man with a kink for dressing as a woman and trying to convince us all that he’s actually a lesbian. His excitement at dressing as a woman in public is very telling.

Why should OP agree to spend an evening providing company for a self-centred gatecrasher, who intends to draw attention (regardless of how OP and her friend feel about this) and who is already issuing commands, eg no photos?

Why should she?

Good to see your update. He can have his grand coming out some other time.

Me too. It was beautiful. 😂😂😂

Why have you bumped this thread from April just to post this?

It's all about him, eh? You two and your night out are just decoration and there to praise and validate him. I'd give the night the bums rush and tell your pal to keep it to just the two of you next time.

Yep, it is only in the decadent west that women have to deal with entitled deluded men.

he has told her that when he split up from an ex girlfriend he stole a pair of her knickers and a dress of hers and would wear it regularly

Datun's post here explains what's behind this
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3145470-Break-it-down-for-me

When was this moved to FWR.?

[quote Midlifemusings]@Kennykenkencat

We have no way to know what he will be like. He doesn't want to be in pictures on his first night in a dress because he isn't ready for it to spread though his friend's social media. I can respect that.

There is nothing that says he will dominate the conversation and make it all about him. It is being reported third hand by Op who heard it from a friend who spoke to the guy.

If OPs friend has known him awhile and been friends, it isn't like putting a dress on is going to flick a switch that turns him into an asshole.

People are inventing problems that don't exist in this scenario just to have something to be mad about but they are arguging against their own assumptions and ideas - not the actual person or facts as we know them[/quote]
He's already dominating the evening.

@Cheetocat "I've never seen someone get a kick out of watching a lady use the loo tbh."

There's entire pornhub categories based on this.

At my daughters school boys were using the mixed sexed loos to spy on the girls.

They learn to be disgusting from a really young age.

I've had something similar where a friend of a friend suddenly started hijacking evenings out as dress up like a Princess time. Now sends me private messages of themselves dressed up for affirmation.

Nah mate. You need a pair of woolly tights if you are going to wear a sundress in April.

Sorry, wrong word in this sentence:
"Your son may have been led to these sites to see if he's trans/gay/pan/AGP - in other words, to look at what images excite him.

Your son may have been led to these groups to see if he's trans/gay/pan/AGP - in other words, to look at what images excite him.

Of course at 14 he shouldn't be looking at such things - but by 14 over 80% of kids have accessed porn, so he's not unusual in that.

I don't think it necessarily means anything at this stage, except that you need to restrict his internet access and check out what he's been doing and who he's been talking to, to make sure he's not being groomed.

You cannot start from a position that there is something "wrong" with him - if he's gay, or bisexual, then that's who he is, it's not "wrong".
If he IS gay, but is being pulled into thinking he's trans, then different story. But you need to try to have an open-minded chat with him. I have a 14yo boy, so I know how hard that's likely to be! but you still have to try.

And restrict his access to the internet.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lgbt_parents

Put parental control on your devices so your child cannot access porn. It is neglect that you are allowing him to access adult content on the internet.

He is a child. He has poor judgement. All children are curious. But he will be in a world of trouble if his curiosity strays to the dark web and websites full of child abuse images and bestiality.

If you don’t know how to put parental controls on your electronic devices, start a new thread - others can advise you I’m sure. But he is accessing inappropriate images because you are letting him. If he was climbing over the garden fence and peering in your neighbours bedroom window to see her naked, would you be wondering if he’s into older women or would you be stopping his inappropriate behaviour? This is no different. Behave like a parent and stop worrying about what he is choosing to view - he’s a child, he will view whatever he can access.

Of course someone dressed as a woman will be using the women's toilets. I don't like to but can you imagine the abuse they will have if they enter that men's toilets?!

Christ that's a low opinion of men you have! I actually think that most places the men would just ignore him - pretty sure the blokes in Tescos/at the local pub aren't going a) mistake him for a woman, or b) do anything more than roll their eyes and keep their distance as they do for anyone else in the bogs.