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Original poster

Frugi (maternity + kids clothing) send email about mothers day...

37 replies

sacredfeminina · 11/03/2022 10:00

Frugi are offering to not send any promotional emails regarding Mother's day as they say Mother's day is a 'sensitive time for some'.

Frugi is primarily a clothing company for children and parents with a big maternity range, therefore pretty much their entire clientele are MOTHERS.

Why on earth do they feel the day of mother celebration is 'sensitive'?

They didn't seem very bothered about their Muslim and Jehovah's Witness clients with their christmas + easter emails... And they didn't offer to protect their customers from the insult of fathers day last year.

I feel really angry, it feels like part of the attack on the word mother, a smear campaign against the word, like it needs to be hidden or we need to be careful to not offend anyone by using it.

I emailed them, I refuse to spend money with a company that suggests mother's day is in anyway negative.

Frugi (maternity + kids clothing) send email about mothers day...
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FuckeryOmbudsman · 11/03/2022 19:31

The origin of Mothering Sunday is the return to your 'mother' church, which would be the one in your home town/village. So your parents wouid be there.

It wasn't created as a celebration of motherhood at all,

Original poster
sacredfeminina · 11/03/2022 16:14

You may feel my offering is 'sentimental nonsense', it is however a genuine sentiment. Yes, mother's day has been hi-jacked by commerical interests (like almost every sacred celebration), however it does come from something much older than that...An honouring of all mothers gone before, of mothers everywhere, and of the mother archetype. Of the energy of 'mothering': to nurture, to hold. And of the biology of women (womben) which holds the potential of pro creation.

As I am typing, I realise part of the reason why their email angered me so much, because of my intepretation of this day.

I respectfully heard every single voice on this thread and realise how affected many people are by it, and how my interpretation is very different. I actually emailed Frugi back to apologise for original email.

I also offer an apology to any woman here who has felt offended by my words and my (original) lack of empathy.

For anyone who wants to attack me on my 'sacred' views; I do feel that the worship and respect of the 'sacred femininity' is what is so deeply missing in our modern culture, and what is leading so many young women to hate their bodies. If girls can be brought up to feel that their bodies are worthy of reverance and respect, then maybe womanhood would be more appealing. A discussion for another thread...

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VikingVolva · 11/03/2022 14:58

Why on earth do they feel the day of mother celebration is 'sensitive'?

Because being bereaved of a child, especially if it is your only one, is one of the shittiest things ever

There have been quite a few threads about this - eg:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4491712-M-S-frets-about-customers-feelings-re-Mothers-Day

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4492286-scouts-offering-opt-out-to-mothers-day-marketing

Overwhelming view is that this is all about sensitivity to the bereaved, those struggling with infertility or who have recently miscarried.

Moodycow78 · 11/03/2022 14:45

Not with you on this one, receiving hundreds of bloody emails about mother's Day has me breaking down in tears every year, it's been 10 years since I lost my mum and still gets me every year. Am pissed off by the whole gender cult trying to erase mothers/women but I really don't think this is about that.

VelvetChairGirl · 11/03/2022 14:38

I have had loads of emails since the pandemic started offering me the option to opt out of fathers day/mothers day advertising.

theres nothing sinister about it and I did opt out of it and appreciated it last year as my mother died 2 months before mothers day.

KimikosNightmare · 11/03/2022 14:24

@sacredfeminina

Bless you all. I take this moment to reflect, and to give thanks and love to all mothers past and present, to the difficulties of motherhood, and to the mothering element in all women Flowers xxx
I'm sorry but this is just sentimental nonsense. All women do not have a mothering element.

Plenty of mothers have been and will continue to be utterly appalling human beings. This is as meaningless as Emma Watson's vapid statement about loving all trans people.

Mothers Day is a marketing exercise. I really don't understand why one mass marketing email is so traumatic. Just delete it.

KimikosNightmare · 11/03/2022 14:14

No one's trying to make it 'Parents' day

If only because then there would only be one day to sell tacky cards and tat.

Whitefire · 11/03/2022 13:33

I'm sick of repeating this. My MIL died last March, the anniversary this year is a few days before Mother's Day, can people honestly not understand that some will find it really upsetting to go into their email inbox everyday and see endless emails about Mother's Day.

This is not some sinister campaign, I have been receiving these emails for years, but in a backdrop of the number of people who have lost loved ones the past two years, it is nothing more than being sensitive.

NitroNine · 11/03/2022 13:00

Good on you for listening, thinking, & - crucially - not flouncing OP.

As regards maternity literature, I suspect that it wouldn’t be possible to justify the cost of producing a separate set of woman-free maternity resources because there isn’t a large enough population desirous of them.

Of course, if people were honest in the England & Wales Census re sex & gender ID it might be possible to make some estimate as to what need there might be across those two nations. Scotland won’t have a hope though. (Apologies NI, I can’t for the life of me remember how you’re situated, for all I use your lovely historic data.)

Of course, if there’s such a vanishingly tiny need it does rather beg the question as to why language is being changed - more especially when it becomes so utterly obfuscatory as to be effectively impenetrable to many women; as with much literature about cervical cancer.

Original poster
sacredfeminina · 11/03/2022 11:30

A second thought on the matter:

If a TRA was to read this thread, and was to say 'well look all these women are triggered by mothers day advertising, yet they tell us not to be triggered by misgendering, or the use of mother in maternity literature, how is it different?'

I must make clear I do not personally think this, I just wonder of there is some room here for reflection and a way forward.

Someone who has surgically altered their body, and who has posisbly lost family members over it, is probably highly triggered by language which points to the biological truth and undermines their beliefs, so how do we as a society work forward from here?

For me it is clear that women who are upset by mothers day reminders are not demanding it be stripped from all of society. They are just happy to be able to indovidually ask to not be reminded.

Similiarly, rather than strip the word mother from maternity literature, why not have literature on request for people who do not wish to see that word?

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Original poster
sacredfeminina · 11/03/2022 11:24

This has brought up a few different thoughts for me, with relevance to the gender discussion:

Firstly, how we as humans can graciously accept where we are wrong on a matter and move towards betterment for all.

This is really needed within this debate, with social media being the new means of discussion, it seems hard for people to come together, listen to alternative points of view, and accept they were initially wrong, and better their own understanding.

Anyone who has tried to engage with a TRA on twitter, and has presented clear logical arguments around the issue of safeguarding, only to be completely dismissed will know the feeling of frustration it brings...

It seems that everyone just 'doubles down' on their views, even though there must be a part of their mind that can hear the common sense.

For me this felt relevant with this thread, as I felt so sure, so annoyed by what I considered the erasure of motherhood by Frugi. To have so many responses that were the very opposite brought an initial response within myself of denial. I felt a physical tightening of my chest, I SO wanted to be right! I had to go through a small process of ego loss as I worked from that point, to the acceptance of being wrong, and to the acceptance that I had not considered the experiences of others. The moment I could confidently and authentically stand in a place of being wrong and feeling better to have increased my understanding of something, that weight was relieved, and a sense of peace restored.

How many TRAs must have this uneasy feeling when they are presented with clear facts they deeply know to be correct, but their ego does not let them accept. This must be especially so for giant celebrity egos. It cant be a very comfortable place to rest.

How can people be encouraged that the truth does set you free, that being trapped in stagnant concrete beliefs does not?

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ursuslemonade · 11/03/2022 11:22

Not again!
Many have lost their mother way too early. Mother's Day can be very difficult.
Being bombarded with marketing e-mails can be very painful.
I am not someone who thinks every topic/book whatever should come with a trigger warning, but I think this is a good idea.

Original poster
sacredfeminina · 11/03/2022 10:47

Bless you all. I take this moment to reflect, and to give thanks and love to all mothers past and present, to the difficulties of motherhood, and to the mothering element in all women Flowers xxx

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user1471523870 · 11/03/2022 10:43

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that this it to change the word 'mother'. I didn't even cross my mind.
But Mother's Day is a difficult one for me, having lost a child, and also my mum very recently.

Original poster
sacredfeminina · 11/03/2022 10:43

Yes, I hear you all! I stand corrected.

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Original poster
sacredfeminina · 11/03/2022 10:42

I obviously have a different view of this celebration... I see it as a celebration of my motherhood and all mothers everywhere, not just my own actual mother. Possibly why I am not triggered by it in relation to issues with my own mother...

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JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 11/03/2022 10:38

It isn't just about people who have lost their own Mother but also those who have lost a child, lost a pregnancy, struggled/struggling to conceive, or coming to terms with being childless when it isn't a free choice.

You can end up on these mailing lists without being a mother, by buying a gift for example or buying maternity clothes for a pregnancy that didn't result in bringing a healthy baby home.

Rainallnight · 11/03/2022 10:36

I’d usually be the first to find offence in this gender stuff but I genuinely don’t see it here. It’s to do with dead (or very difficult) mums. Mine is dead (recently) and I appreciate these opportunities.

Qwill · 11/03/2022 10:34

You are being ridiculous. Children and husbands/partners don’t get the email (who are the ones who will be buying for Mother’s Day). The mother will get it, so unless she’s buying herself something for Mother’s Day (highly unlikely), it’s so if she has lost her own mother she’s not reminded that she has nobody to buy for.

WhoAre · 11/03/2022 10:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
sacredfeminina · 11/03/2022 10:32

It may be gender related if they are trying not to offend people who do not associate themselves with the word 'mother'.

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Original poster
sacredfeminina · 11/03/2022 10:31

Its good to see all of your persepctive; though I have a bad relationship with my mother I am not triggered by mothers day references ( I tend to feel proud that I now fall in that category of celebration)...

I clearly do find the option of opting out triggering... I think that is because we are seeing the deletion of the word mother in maternity literature, the media and schools it feels like an arm of that.

It will be interesting to see if they offer no father's day emails aswell this year

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toastofthetown · 11/03/2022 10:26

I don’t subscribe to Frugi, but the companies who send me opt out emails for Mother’s Day also do the same for Father’s Day and Valentine’s Day (and maybe others I’ve forgotten) - days which can be emotionally charged. There’s just the recognition that an email headed ‘treat your mother to the best Mother’s Day ever’ or similar might be upsetting for many people for many reasons. It’s nothing to do with erasing mothers - I’m sure they have a full marketing campaign planned, don’t worry.

TeenPlusCat · 11/03/2022 10:24

@Phobiaphobic

I'm opposed to this mainly because it's part of a creeping tendency to encourage people to be fragile about anything they might find upsetting, and edit their world accordingly. This is EXACTLY how women have ended up in this mess regarding trans rights. We are supposed to edit our spaces and identity and words so that some people don't ever have to experience discomfort. Fuck that.
Or, it is people being permitted to use technology to set their own boundaries, and say 'yes, I would normally like to have marketing from you, but actually I don't want it on this topic.'
SuddenSquawking · 11/03/2022 10:23

Nobody's ever met a bereaved Dad who buys clothes for his kids? There are plenty of people who would prefer not to see Mother's Day promotional emails. It's an option, you can choose, I don't see what the issue is.