YogabirthUK cancel event after Freddy McConnell flounce

Yes, this paragraph in particular really stood out for me. Doesn’t the birth certificate belong to the child and not the parent?

Yes it does. The child and their documentation is being used to validate the parent. It's so wrong.

The same way that women, in their own spaces, are used as a resource to validate men who want access.

Shouldn't children be appointed a guardian in these court cases?

From that Children of Transitioners link.

When children are used as accessories to transition, as validation or as an emotional resource, who speaks for us? When people start using their gender identity to control our legal documents, who speaks for us? When Freddie goes to court, who is speaking for her son?

It's a really good review.

That's what a lot of the adolescent gender stuff is based on - parents can't deal with the fact that their kids are really struggling with the psychological challenges of puberty. So they try and sidestep them, completely failing to realize that the struggle is an important part of the process.

Just shared the final instalment of the child's birth story. F says that they have always turned their nose up at people who have sections and assumed it must be really disappointing (not exact words but that's what I got from it). Surely there would be nothing more 'disappointing' than, as someone who has taken many drastic measures towards being identified as a male, having another life come out of you. This is the most female thing you can do. I do not compute. And as for the chest feeding thing. 🙄

I’m struck by how enmeshed FM is with their parents even at 34. And I thought they were younger.

I wonder how much the parents and other siblings conform to gender roles?

It always strikes people would be much happier if they didn't feel they had to conform to one or the other but could just go with the mix that suited them and not put a name on it.

Found a Vice article FM wrote - 34, 2 failed rounds of embryo transfer, so did IUI, got pregnant. Mentions the older child, with "he" and "son" which surprised me.

www.vice.com/amp/en/article/5db75q/transgender-man-pregnant-experience

To answer my own question, I've just read the Afghanistan article in the Guardian and Freddy says:
In 2011 I’d only come out to a handful of people in the UK, and taken tentative steps to socially transition from female to male.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/mar/12/trans-life-fond-memories-of-coming-out-in-afghanistan

But that whole article is so 'me, me, me', and shows how Freddy thinks being a man or a woman is all about role play.

As the months passed, I became more uncomfortable playing the female role in Afghan society.

I came out to my boss as trans...One week I worked as female, the next week as male. This meant taking on different roles and working with different kids.

So Freddy was doing a Pips Bunce with gender fluidity. Did the children know what sex Freddy was? Did their parents and the other adults caring for them? At least it was a woman role-playing a man, rather than the other way round which would raise far more red flags.

He wrote an interesting article about coming out in Afghanistan.

That was after university wasn't it? In the seahorse documentary Freddy's mother says that Freddy was at university in Edinburgh, and was unhappy, and said 'I'm a boy and I want to be a boy, and I realise this is how I've been feeling all my life'.

So did Freddy 'come out' as trans at university and then again a few years later in Afghanistan?

[quote Clymene]I tell you what, the teachers are going to draw lots to avoid having those kids in their class. No one is going to want to teach human biology with Freddy breathing down their neck.

It's gaslighting children. Incidentally, if you haven't read the excellent Children of Transitioners blog, it's really worth a read. The review of Seahorse is excellent: childrenoftransitioners.org/2019/09/21/seahorse-a-review/[/quote]
Equally who would send their children to a school where the staff potentially play along with the lie that men can give birth? Is FM expecting the whole world and its children to collude in the charade of the Emperor’s New Clothes once their children start attending school? How does this play out for their children and, just as importantly, for all the other children these children will start coming into contact with?

Hasn't read that review Clymene, I didn't know F made some life changing decisions based on a James Bond film and I had forgotten the mixed-heritage sperm donor part.

It really wasn't a good documentary as it didn't explore the questions it posed. As the Children of Transitioners point out, it was imbalanced and the long term impacts weren't considered for the child. But basically that is the message of the documentary and what has happened in reality.

Clymene, that Children of Transitioners link is indeed really eye-opening, thanks for posting it. And yes, the review answers many of the very timely questions posed on here.

As regards FM coming out as trans in Afghanistan, perhaps the situation there is similar to the one in Iran where gender reassignment is fine but homosexuality isn’t?

I tell you what, the teachers are going to draw lots to avoid having those kids in their class. No one is going to want to teach human biology with Freddy breathing down their neck.

It's gaslighting children. Incidentally, if you haven't read the excellent Children of Transitioners blog, it's really worth a read. The review of Seahorse is excellent: childrenoftransitioners.org/2019/09/21/seahorse-a-review/

Obviously there are plenty of children growing up in "unconventional" family units; one mum/two dads/grandparents etc. I assume they're given honest answers when they ask who their mum/dad is.

What is this individual going to tell the children when they inevitably ask who their mum is?

-you don't have a mum (lie)
-you had a donor mum (lie)
-you are super-special and were made by two dads (lie)
-sex/gender is a spectrum so there's no such thing as a mum; you don't need one (disgusting lie)

I suppose the least worst answer would be "I'm your mum but prefer to be known as your dad" which is at least truthful.

I thought that Afghanistan wasn't particularly friendly towards LGBTQIA+ people, @KittenKong?

If FM was driving around wearing a salwar kameez and I was a line manager I'd be a bit worried that F might land up taking a short way down from the top of a block of flats.

Mind you, it would have been a few years ago that FM was there? Pre Taliban?

Hm. Be interesting, a natal female declaring to the Taliban they were in fact a man, so no need for burkha, chaperone, etc. Wonder how that would go down. Might be a very appealing option for a woman in Taliban ruled Afghanistan.

That’s be safe enough. They would probably just shake their heads.

[quote Cattenberg]@KittenKong, I think Freddy studied Arabic. He wrote an interesting article about coming out in Afghanistan.

I remember Freddy because several years ago, he was one of the winners of a Guardian competition to find new talent. There were accusations of bias at the time because all of the winners were women, apart from Freddy. So when Freddy later wrote that he was trans, this stuck in my mind. I can’t remember who any of the other winners were now.[/quote]
I'm sorry, WHAAAAAAT?

Studied Arabic (at St Andrews or Edinburgh, both thoroughly woked) and then CAME OUT IN AFGHANISTAN?

Is that evidence of self harm?

If I was that person's tutor or boss I'd have sent them home. That's unhinged and puts everyone at risk.

I don't think that the facial hair postnatally would mean that someone was still taking cross sex hormones - those changes are permanent, as demonstrated by detransitioners.

However, if testosterone has permanent effects on female hair follicles it would be reasonable to wonder what else it has a permanent effect on.

Like a uterus.

@KittenKong, I think Freddy studied Arabic. He wrote an interesting article about coming out in Afghanistan.

I remember Freddy because several years ago, he was one of the winners of a Guardian competition to find new talent. There were accusations of bias at the time because all of the winners were women, apart from Freddy. So when Freddy later wrote that he was trans, this stuck in my mind. I can’t remember who any of the other winners were now.

OldCrone, thank you, and sorry if I get you into trouble...!

Regarding the fundraiser, surely there’s only one course of action? The family post an update explaining why they didn’t go to Sweden, then refund everyone. If they want to start a new Gofundme, they can, although I’m not sure why they would need to.

What wouldn’t be OK would be putting the onus on each donor to request a refund if they wanted one. So I’m sure they won’t do that.

F was in a relationship with another trans person in the documentary, they were planning to co-parent (where deciding which sperm donor together) but I was never sure if it was more of a friendship. The other person I think was female but I haven't seen the documentary for a while.

There was another crowdfunder for Chalk Productions to make a new documentary, along with other trans parent's stories, and it was to include footage from the birth in Sweden. I don't think that for off the ground and the donations were mainly arriving for the travel and accommodation and doula etc for Sweden. I think it's outrageous that the crowdfunder started by F's mother should still be receiving donations, surely they should be refunding them as the reasons why the money was needed is no longer. F must be busy, as I've said, but F's mother could deal with the admin of this surely? Those people have donated in good faith, I hope F and F's mother are as transparent about it as they say they will be.