Please advise me re possible bullying by trans child

You can phone enquire 09.30 - 4.30 on 0345 123 2303.

Also, play them at their own game. Named person has not gone away, but can now be more to your advantage, in that you don't need to take heed of them, but they should be taking heed of you and your child, and supporting your child's wellbeing. The guidance teacher is almost certainly your child's named person, and the head teacher was at primary.

As you will know, there's no board of governors at Scottish schools, the process is if you get no joy at the school, complain to the local authority (council), if you exhaust their complaints system, complain to the Scottish Public Services Ombudsman.

If you write to Scottish Government they'll spell that out in little more detail. That's the gist of it.

Get onto enquire.org.uk, your son has additional needs due to SEN, and being bullied. Enquire are there to help ensure he gets the help he needs.

As a teenager I was on the receiving end of some false bullying accusations and still feel angry about it to this day. It took months to sort out and only died down when I was able to provide evidence that I wasn't even there when one of my "crimes" occurred. My parents were pretty passive about it and I really wish they had been more robust in challenging what was going on as I felt it tarnished my reputation with some of the teachers even after it has been disproved and I developed quite bad anxiety about going to school.

In your situation, I would write a letter in the first instance (cc'ing in the Board of Governors) - written documentation is more difficult to ignore. I would outline in the letter that you believe the current accusations are a continuation of a long established cycle of harassment that your son has been subjected to by this child over a period of years. This has included physical, verbal and emotional abuse. You are concerned that the school is not considering the wider relationship between the two children in responding to this issue and appears to be disregarding evidence that indicates the current allegations may be of malicious intent. You take particular issue with the actions of the guidance teacher in questioning your son without the presence of an appropriate adult to support him. This is especially pertinent given the serious of what was suggested to him and the potential long lasting consequences of accusing him of something which could legally be considered a hate crime. Her failure to take this into account and that fact that your son has SEN raises concerns over her professional judgement and ability to handle a situation of this delicacy. Note the deep distress this questioning caused him and you are considering initiating a formal complaint about safeguarding as a result.
I would make a list of recommendations to the school to resolve the situation including:

1. A formal (minuted) meeting with an independent mediator to discuss the issue and next steps (bring evidence of previous incidents eg. biting)
2. You remove consent for the school to discuss these matters with your son without a parent present (he is a minor with SEN and does not have the full ability to understanding the consequences of the severity of the accusations
3. A formal plan outlining the safeguarding steps the school plan to take to protect your son

i would also draw attention in the letter to the schools values (probably online somewhere) and where any of this challenges their own stated position. I would also note that should this harassment continue you may be left with little option but to escalate and involve the police. I would referred to this as "targeted behaviour" towards your son and use the phrasing another poster suggested about "coercive control" in seeking to make the two children continue to have a relationship. I would be extremely careful about referring to the trans issue and revert back to the pattern of behaviour narrative (you need to be confident your son hasn't don'e anything though).

I'd request a meeting with the head. Are you on your own or could you bring your son's father or your partner in too with you? Very disappointingly, there's often more of a reaction and consequent action if both parents go in to complain. You've also had two other kids at the school so their prior knowledge of you must count for something.

You just need to say what you have here.

But ideally you'd have a back up plan.

It's a pity if there are no alternative schools. Because that's the only real way you'll get him away from this.

I would be asking the school to explain its bullying policy and how they are protecting and supporting your SEN child.

One thing is sure: someone has to keep Unicorn away from your son.

You have to act.

OP can your son travel to another school? Where I am it's not uncommon to have up to one hour commutes to school as parents often choose to send their kids to different schools in or out of their local area.

It IS about the boy being trans though. If that kid weren't trans, your son would be getting kindness and support. But because the special rainbow people always come first, your son is getting this shit from the school.

I don't know what I'd do, OP. I suspect I'd go fucking ballistic.

Stuck record time:

"How are you going to protect my son" ad infinitum.

Also OP re the head stamping incident. Never forget that the school is not the arbiter of the law. If a child does something violent and illegal against your child then the law is there to be upheld. You might be surprised what happens if you mention that to the head of year. I have never reported another child to the police; but I have pointed out that what they have done is assualt/cyberbullying/etc and that as the parent if a child i am responsible for their safety. If school can't stop a child assaulting another then it's time to escalate.

If I wish to report an incident to the police nothing is stopping me. This cuts both ways because a school doesn't have to deal with an incident that didn't happen on school premises (like when my DSs girlfriend accused him of some pretty shocking things that weren't true online) and although they did go out of their way to deal with it, they didn't have to.

Ask for a meeting with his form teacher HoY and the teacher who questioned him.
Explain to them very clearly that your son is being bullied and falsely accused and that him standing up to the bully is in no way a sign he is transphobic. Explain the history of sustained physical abuse and say that you have taught him he has the right not to mix with people who abuse and hurt him and Unicorn (FFS!) is one of those people.
If he has good enough friends, he could try to make sure he is moving in a small tribe at all times so he can't get cornered by the bully. If he is, he might want to switch his phone on and record any interaction
He might also want to learn how to say very firmly: I don't want anything to do with you. I'm fine with you being trans but you bullied me a lot at our last school and so I choose not to mix with you ever again. Thats the reason, the only reason, and it's a good enough one. You bit me, hit me and now I have no wish whatsoever to be your friend.
Maybe he could write it as a letter to show to the teachers and then give it to the boy to make it clear that any further escalation is harrassment.

Thanks all - that's very good of the OP and of you to change the name. All the best.

The OP's son should not be having to have home tuition (I understand the poster is making a sensible and helpful suggestion and I am not criticising that at all.) The school has a duty to all children and this seems to be forgotten as they are frightened due the phobic label potentially being directed towards them

I'm so sorry you and your son are having to deal with this. I have no idea how to deal with the school but just wanted to mention that home education might be worth looking into. There are home ed groups throughout Scotland and I can point you in the direction of a group local to you if you're interested. I know it's not for everyone but just wanted to throw it in there just incase.

You Really must stand up for your son, email today and ask for a meeting with HoY. Lay out all the history. That the use of transphobic is clever manipulation. Ask for all notes of the meeting to be recorded.

How concerning and distressing for you and your son.

I think before you speak to the school, you should practice using female nouns and pronouns for Unicorn. At the least, refer to her by person rather than boy which comes across as you don’t believe Unicorn and weakens your point that you and your son are not transphobic but Unicorn isn’t a good person.

June is on another thread supporting adult males sharing sleeping accommodation with 11 year old girls, so I would ignore the transphobic jibe.

@JuneGreen

What are you talking about? Have you even read the OP? Perhaps you should take a minute before posting to ensure your professional outrage does not overwhelm common sense.

I think the approach from this school is similar to the approach from many schools and colleges. They are frightened of being called "phobic" and thereby try and avoid any criticism of the behaviour where the child is choosing to identify differently. I am afraid I do believe that many teenagers (not all) but a significant number are choosing to follow this trend for attention and do use this as an opportunity to bully others. What is more they are allowed to do as they claim they are being treated unfairly and the victim of phobia. It is appalling that teenagers are being allowed to bully buy the schools and colleges and that other children are suffering as a result

[quote Rightsraptor]@JuneGreen how do you think your nasty comment could help OP? How is it helpful to come straight in and call OP a transphobe and say her son is probably a bully?

Or is that 'hope this helps' the usual passive/aggressive statement we get from people like you?[/quote]
The poster concerned is another new poster who has found their way to this little corner of the internet in order to abuse a parent (and their child) who is asking for help.

@JuneGreen how do you think your nasty comment could help OP? How is it helpful to come straight in and call OP a transphobe and say her son is probably a bully?

Or is that 'hope this helps' the usual passive/aggressive statement we get from people like you?

It shouldn't be relevant that the bully is trans, but it is because they're clever enough to realise it can give them special protected status.

A friend of mine's daughter was the target of a bully at primary school, culminating in a serious physical attack in front of witnesses. My friend felt that because the bully had behavioural issues and was adopted by a gay couple who were insistent he should be in mainstream education, the school minimised the situation because it was somehow awkward to accuse someone who "should" be oppressed of actually being the oppressor. She involved the school governors in the end (there was a massive safeguarding fail during the investigation).

OP you need to ask the school to focus on the actual facts of what's happened ie a list of specific actions, not "we just think he might be transphobic".