AIBU to wonder why the women just accept this?

This happened in a FB beauty group I was in. A transwoman posted lots of full length selfies, and there were loads of fawning comments.

It then transpired that this person was trying to message inappropriately to some of the younger members of the group and it all went a bit tits up!

I'd be tempted to post something like. 'Oh yes, good choice. Red knickers are so handy when you get your period.'

I have a theory about why women fawn over men in mainly women's spaces. You can see a similar phenomenon on the makeup group in reddit. Women fall over themselves to upvote and gush over men's very basic (sometimes laughably crap) makeup looks. I think part of the reason is that women's hobbies and interests are often denigrated...think of how football (a typical male pursuit) is elevated to something worthy of serious analysis and consideration, whereas makeup, for instance, is seen as frivolous or basic. So when a man deigns to dip his toe into a female hobby it's seen as flattering. He isn't just dismissing, but he's actually showing an interest. In our society, women are not often portrayed or held up as mentors or experts. No one pays women thousands of pounds to talk endlessly about fashion or makeup on mainstream media, in the same way that men are paid to talk about football, or cars.

It's also very unusual for a man to seek out women specifically for advice about something, so when men come into these groups women enjoy the chance to teach him something. And you can also add into the mix the fact that women are socialised to be helpful and assist whenever they can, and to be kind, of course.

What surprises me is how naive many women are about men using these platforms as an opportunity to indulge a fetish. I remember a woman got banned from r/makeup because she pointed out that a man had a history of posting pictures of his makeup and then writing in detail about masturbating over female comments. She actually had screenshots of this! And she was deleted and banned for being unkind and for 'judging him'. And his user name was something crazy like 'sissygirlmakeup'. Maybe women just don't want to see this, because it can't be nice to spend time and effort on someone only for it to be nothing but wank fodder.

I left two beauty groups for this reason. The first couple of posts were fairly timid, with zillions of fawning posts applauding crazy blue eyeshadow looks with stubble and cakey foundation which would NOT have got that kind of adulation if the posters were female. The posts started ramping up, especially in one of the groups, until the makeup was secondary to the fishnets and sex doll quivering lips, still with dozens of women seemingly not realising they were participating in a fetish. Couldn't stand it any more.

I wouldn’t have an issue with it if it’s similar to the photo you posted but I would if they were posing in their underwear (same as I would if they were females actually).

Some men do enjoy dressing in females clothes. I personally don’t see the appeal but I don’t judge as I do have some items of clothes that are men’s too.
I have quite a few friends that wear men’s boxer shorts instead of female underwear but I don’t think they don’t do it for sexual reasons.

I'm not sure they do realise it's sexual. Or not to the extent that they are contributing to the fetish.

And yes, anyone can wear any clothes. But bras are designed to contain breasts, which men don't have. And women's pants are cut for women's anatomy, not men's.

The poster is pushing women's boundaries. They're no longer getting off on just posting dresses, they're now seeing if they can get women to enthuse over their women's underwear.

And I don't buy the 'it's not that sexy'. Red lingerie is absolutely marketed as sexy.

I'm in this group, tempted to leave but also curious to see how far they go.
A while ago someone wanted everyone to stop using the term ladies/women and when some members objected there was a massive pile on.
People were banned.
The company says it's about women but there's a lot of pandering and yes, fetishism in plain sight.

Interesting and important that this thread is recognising the damaging implications of the women’s ‘fawning’. We really do need to take responsibility for the impact of our behaviour.

Yes yes it’s the fawning that does my head in

‘Oooo thank you man for coming along and womaning soooo much better than me being only a crappy old cunty type of woman. Wow you are soooo amazing, I bow to how superior you are to everyday women!!!!’

a little naivety because they don't realise it's sexual

Of course they realise it's sexual.

Women are socialised to accept and laugh off such behaviour from sex pests/creepy men/perverts/whatever you want to call them. Women don't commonly post pics like this and then laud over the woman poster's whose matching lingerie goes so well with their sexy outfit.

I bet these men are having a good ol' time wanking away at the unbridled attention they are getting. They know full well that what they are posting is salacious. Reminds me of those fully grown men who are into My Little Pony. Repulsive 🤢

aren't we always saying that clothes are just clothes and anyone can wear what they want?

Well, of course, but unfortunately the number of men who use women's clothes to achieve some level of sexual gratification seems quite high. I wear clothes from the men's section (pockets!) but don't crow about it and don't get off on it either.

These days, when kink shaming is considered some sort of terrible action instead of people keeping their sexual proclivities private, a man in women's clothing may very well be finding it sexually appealing, and using these groups to further increase his enjoyment. I wouldn't be comfortable with participating in that.

Style sisterhood by any chance? It's awash with certain men

I'd have to leave the group @CremeEggsForBreakfast it'd make me feel nauseated.

I wish we knew how to open those women’s eyes to the impact of what they are doing and that they don’t have to pander to men’s egos like that

it’s surely a fetish hiding in plain sight. Like most women I don’t get off on my clothes so the whole thing gives me the ick.

That's how I'd feel too. And I'd find the fawning extremely irritating. Not to mention this absurd and excited assumption apparently shared by so many TW and cross-dressers that women spend their whole time in a state of breathless excitement due to being turned on by mundane things like wearing clothes and going to the bathroom, and can't be in a room with a bed in it without having a pillow fight .

Yep.

The underwear is frankly just creepy.

I’m in a similar group and there is an obvious MTF poster and it depresses me to see other posters fawning over their posts saying they look fab when they look almost comical, and questions by other posters don’t get many answers at all.

@Porridgeislife same . I was on a vintage 40s group and there was a self Iding trans woman in it who changed clothes two/three times a day. Expensive brands and expensive vintage items , with matching accessories,shoes etc. I ended up leaving the group as all these women were fawning over them. I wondered if they had a trans widow somewhere who was struggling for cash and raising their children ,while they maxed out the credit cards. ( Yeah this will be deleted won't it?). Yep can't understand why women make a fuss on these groups

I am in that group - I recognised it immediately. Makes me equally uncomfortable. I have thought about leaving the group as a result, especially the fauning.

since they describe themselves as 'men who like to wear dresses' I would have no problem with this- aren't we always saying that clothes are just clothes and anyone can wear what they want? That choice of underwear doesn't look particularly sexualised, and his comment is simply about the colour co ordination. I really cannot imagine being arsed with this level of colour co ordination myself.

I think if I was going to comment on any man's choice of dress I would confine myself to practical or aesthetic remarks such as 'do you think it will wash well? I think navy rather than black with that green
There's no need for any stunning/brave commentary and I agree that may come from wanting to 'be kind' but are the men actually angling for that (given their self description) or do they simply want a tedious discussion about clothes?

No other women post photos of underwear, no. Usually just pictures of themselves going about everyday life in their dress of the day or standing awkwardly in front of a mirror saying "I'm not sure if this suits me...."

It's not high fashion or evening wear. It's everyday clothing and otherwise very mundane and wholesome stuff.

Not in that group but in something similar and there’s a man who goes on about having 1,200 dresses and changes them 3 times a day. He writes long, long posts about how he feels in womens clothes, what he wears under these clothes, how everyone compliments him on how good he looks in womens clothes.

Everyone falls over to congratulate him on his pithy insights about female style but to me it’s surely a fetish hiding in plain sight. Like most women I don’t get off on my clothes so the whole thing gives me the ick.