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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why the women just accept this?

85 replies

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 19/02/2022 12:33

I am in a fashion-reated FB group. There are two men in the group who describe themselves as "men who like to wear dresses". These are their own words. The rest of the group are women.

The women bend over backwards to compliment the men who like to wear dresses, enthusing about the colour choices they wear, their accessories, and even their figures. This was fine by me - live and let live and all that - until recently when one of these men posted a photo of his bra and pants (albeit nearly folded on the bed) and how excited he was that they matched his dress. Again, the women enthused loudly, asking where he got said underwear etc.

It made me massively uncomfortable. Am I right in thinking he's getting off on this or am I just too suspicious? And why are all the other women leaping to accept him instead of asking him to keep him underwear out of shot?

AIBU to wonder why the women just accept this?
OP posts:
CheeseMuffin · 20/02/2022 09:51

@Hasselhoffsheadband

This happened in a FB beauty group I was in. A transwoman posted lots of full length selfies, and there were loads of fawning comments.

It then transpired that this person was trying to message inappropriately to some of the younger members of the group and it all went a bit tits up!

Was that Mrs Gloss? Because I remember a similar incident there. The guy's pictures were getting a bit much but anyone who suggested that was told to #bekind etc and then he was kicked out of the group for messaging a teenager!
Abhannmor · 20/02/2022 08:30

Until it all implodes in a purity spiral !

BernardBlackMissesLangCleg · 20/02/2022 07:44

all these women pushed out of groups they enjoyed by men Sad

and as a poster points out above, the main clue is bras

men don't have breasts, they don't need to wear bras. If a man is wearing a bra that gives you a clue about what's going on. He is aping women, either because he hates us, or for sexual gratification, or (most likely) both

auberginefeathers · 20/02/2022 04:28

[quote SometimesIwalksideways]@Porridgeislife same . I was on a vintage 40s group and there was a self Iding trans woman in it who changed clothes two/three times a day. Expensive brands and expensive vintage items , with matching accessories,shoes etc. I ended up leaving the group as all these women were fawning over them. I wondered if they had a trans widow somewhere who was struggling for cash and raising their children ,while they maxed out the credit cards. ( Yeah this will be deleted won't it?). Yep can't understand why women make a fuss on these groups[/quote]
I think this was the same group I was in. I left.

MangyInseam · 20/02/2022 03:04

It reminds me a bit of the way some teen girls interact with each other. So my guess is that on the side of the women it's something to do with power hierarchies.

duvetandpillows · 20/02/2022 02:52

I'm in a bra-related group and recently there was a post by a FTM raving about how comfortable their new bra was with a full picture. I was surprised at how many felt the need to comment on how lovely the post was (normally the comments are focused on fit) when I just felt a bit uncomfortable and it struck me that this person was courting such replies for validation.

Maybe I'm just massively jealous because flitting between a B/C cup would be a dream compared to the melons I have to lug about.

dropthevipers · 19/02/2022 23:51

@TheGreatATuin

I think its about wanting to be liked and be nice, along with a little naivety because they don't realise it's sexual.
With out meaning to be rude, you seem somewhat naive about blokes (speaking as one)
borogovia · 19/02/2022 23:23

If they are not fetishists, they would not want the fawning response, they would want women to react to them the way they react to the other women on the site. The fawning dynamic suggests an awareness that it is fetishism.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 19/02/2022 19:29

@Ereshkigalangcleg

It made me massively uncomfortable. Am I right in thinking he's getting off on this or am I just too suspicious?

Yes
No

This.
ScrollingLeaves · 19/02/2022 19:17

Yes, I can see men are different in the way you say @terryleather. He isn’t a young teenage girl, so what is it all about.

terryleather · 19/02/2022 18:54

@Echobelly

I agree with *@ScrollingLeaves* that it doesn't seem especially sexual to me, it's quite discreet. So I honestly couldn't say whether he's getting sexual kicks from it or not. But maybe he needs telling no woman ever matches he undies to her outfit like that, or actually wears red underwear. Wink
It's sexual, no question.

I think many many women have no ideas just how strong many men's sex drives are or the myriad things that get them off that probably wouldn't even cross most women's minds.

I've just been listening to a podcast about a killer who was sexually motivated to break into women's houses - seeing an open window in a flat was apparently enough to give him a sexual thrill.

RVN123 · 19/02/2022 18:23

I think is absolutely sexual, and absolutely getting off on imagining all his handmaidens fawning over him.

Women are socialised to defer to and be kind to men.

For those saying the choice of clothes/underwear isn't that erotic, maybe he just has shite taste in clothes and thinks they look sexy. Maybe he's an older guy?

Anyway, I'm sure this is how a lot of AGP people start off, just ask the TransWidows.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 19/02/2022 17:21

Transwoman, not women.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 19/02/2022 17:21

I think I am a member of this group. Does this person have a name beginning with A, 5 letters total? Quite odd, and I would be uncomfortable about that. I stopped following it quite so much, when a transwomen who lives near me started lots of attention seeking on it.

Echobelly · 19/02/2022 17:15

I agree with @ScrollingLeaves that it doesn't seem especially sexual to me, it's quite discreet. So I honestly couldn't say whether he's getting sexual kicks from it or not. But maybe he needs telling no woman ever matches he undies to her outfit like that, or actually wears red underwear. Wink

ArticSaviour · 19/02/2022 17:14

Just seen the most recent pictures. Really bloody uncomfortable. But if you say anything there is a massive pile on...

Soontobe60 · 19/02/2022 17:10

@Elsiebear90

If women post pics of their underwear then I don’t think I would have an issue with it, if they’re only doing the same thing as women in the group then I see no reason to be concerned, it’s just clothes. I would only be bothered if there seemed to be some sexual motive. I’ve know men who are “cross dressers” and I never sensed there was a sexual element to it, they were both gay so obviously not interested in women.
Have you heard of APG?
ScrollingLeaves · 19/02/2022 17:03

Looking at the picture I think the person wearing those things is genuinely taking a lot of pleasure in co-ordinating the outfit in every possible way and with the aim of achieving as much magazine style feminist as possible. I (female) was very like this at about age 13 - 17.

I don’t think it looks as though the goal is sexual, but who knows?

I think it is the women’s fault for colluding and promoting this person being part of their women’s girly set up and I don’t blame you for feeling uncomfortable about it in general.

terryleather · 19/02/2022 16:52

@AlsoNotAGirl

I wish we knew how to open those women’s eyes to the impact of what they are doing and that they don’t have to pander to men’s egos like that
The women are also being used as props in a paraphilia. Grim.
Theimpossiblegirl · 19/02/2022 16:21

I think it's a Popsy group. It's a shame because generally it's a really good group, but it's grown recently and seems to be losing its way.

Carbiesdreamhouse · 19/02/2022 15:54

@roarfeckingroarr

Style sisterhood by any chance? It's awash with certain men
I'm in this group and agree. What I don't get is that they wear utterly ridiculous clothes most of the time and everyone piles on to agree that they're amazing. No one is saying "actually you don't tend to wear badly fitting knee high stripper boots to the office". And they seem to post repeatedly each day. It seems very unhealthy.
teawamutu · 19/02/2022 15:45

@Linguini

They're not claiming to be women though are they?
No, but they're appropriating a women's space used for everyday conversation about clothes, to get the women there to participate in their sexual fetish.

It's entitled and grim.

Linguini · 19/02/2022 15:16

They're not claiming to be women though are they?

Linguini · 19/02/2022 15:15

It made me massively uncomfortable. Am I right in thinking he's getting off on this or am I just too suspicious?
God no. Both of these men in this group have a tired wrist I'm sure.

Kenwouldmixitup · 19/02/2022 15:13

@WeeBisom * I have a theory about why women fawn over men in mainly women's spaces.* Well said.

@Phobiaphobic * I'd be tempted to post something like. 'Oh yes, good choice. Red knickers are so handy when you get your period.'* Would introduce a healthy sense of reality into the group. “Trump that!”