Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why the women just accept this?

85 replies

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 19/02/2022 12:33

I am in a fashion-reated FB group. There are two men in the group who describe themselves as "men who like to wear dresses". These are their own words. The rest of the group are women.

The women bend over backwards to compliment the men who like to wear dresses, enthusing about the colour choices they wear, their accessories, and even their figures. This was fine by me - live and let live and all that - until recently when one of these men posted a photo of his bra and pants (albeit nearly folded on the bed) and how excited he was that they matched his dress. Again, the women enthused loudly, asking where he got said underwear etc.

It made me massively uncomfortable. Am I right in thinking he's getting off on this or am I just too suspicious? And why are all the other women leaping to accept him instead of asking him to keep him underwear out of shot?

AIBU to wonder why the women just accept this?
OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Original poster
CremeEggsForBreakfast · 27/02/2022 08:50

I mean.... Yes and no. I might be able to filter out this man's contributions but he's not filtering out mine so would still see whatever I post (not that I do post stuff) and it doesn't stop other women from unwittingly participating in his fetish.

I went back and searched through this man's posts in the group. He openly calls it his "special time". This is not a man who wants to expand the social norms for someone of his sex. He's dressing as a woman and clearly getting something from it. I highly suspect it's sexual.

And if I left? Well....Why should I? I am interested in the clothing brand and there is information shared in that group that isn't shared publicly. I want to see it. I couldn't care less about the social aspect of it but I like to see the "behind the scenes stuff". Why should I give that up because a guy wants to get it up on the back of women telling him he has nice legs?

OP posts:
teaandbiscuitsforme · 27/02/2022 08:24

I'm so pleased I saw this thread! I'm in this group too and I find it incredibly uncomfortable. Even more so now Poppy seem to be pandering to them so much, going down the Snag route it seems. I keep expecting to see these men in the customer model photos.

I feel like there's nothing you can do as an individual though, other than leave the group. But if I leave, nobody would even know why and it all carries on.

Cleanbedlinen12 · 27/02/2022 07:22

Ewwww. That’s really unsettling op. He’s not understanding how women think and act at all, who calls their dress by a name? Who bangs on about their knickers?
Went to a shoe shop and proudly told that this wall of trainers were unisex.
Also Edinburgh college now asks are you a woman, including trans women. Ewwwwwwwwww.
Agree, encouraging fetihists. Yuk.

MMBaranova · 26/02/2022 18:45

Mute options on social media are great. You can still be part of whatever it is in general, but specific people or terms can be filtered out.

CheeseMuffin · 26/02/2022 18:38

@Carbiesdreamhouse

The style sisterhood group photos seemed to have escalated today. Makes me very uncomfortable and it's such a shame as the group could be a genuinely helpful space.
Ew it really has. Tempted to reply with "any shorter and we'll all see your shortcomings mate". How can the women on the group not see they're being used for a fetish?
Terfydactyl · 26/02/2022 17:28

Reminds me of those fully grown men who are into My Little Pony Repulsive

I've no interest in "bronies" at all but recently on a visit to the farms found out female members of this exclusive club are called pegasisters
Peg a sister.

Revolting much.

For OP the man in this case no longer gets off on just sharing and adulation, hes having to increase the risk to get off on it.
It also means that eventually even the nicest handmaiden cannot hide from it and the group will fold. Losing women another space, win win for the men.

Zerogravity · 26/02/2022 17:16

My mum used to work on a helpline that had nothing to do with fashion. Despite this, quite often men would phone up and ask her advice on their lacy underwear etc. It was quite clear they were getting off on it. It's no surprise that these online groups now attract exactly the same type of man. I think some women understand this but others just see themselves as being openminded and are unaware that they're being used to feed a fetish.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 26/02/2022 17:12

Posted too soon.
And male socialisation results in men believing they should be the priority and that simply not prioritising them is hating them and discriminating against them.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 26/02/2022 17:09

Female socialisation. We are conditioned from childhood to prioritise and appease men.

Carbiesdreamhouse · 26/02/2022 17:07

The style sisterhood group photos seemed to have escalated today. Makes me very uncomfortable and it's such a shame as the group could be a genuinely helpful space.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 21/02/2022 09:51

How tf are 16 year shop girls supposed to figure whether a man is TV ( in which case no business being in the woman’s changing rooms) or a person going through gender change?

I think you'll find that nowadays this distinction doesn't exist in terms of policy making.

QueenSue · 20/02/2022 18:08

It really is beyond beleif. There clearly is a need for women's fashion forums with rules against male pervs.

StormyWindow · 20/02/2022 18:00

Now he knows that's okay, how long will it be before it's a photo of him in said underwear?

Shall we open a book? Grin Definitely only a matter of time, just nudging away at those boundaries all the while and so many women just don't seem to be able to see it Confused

MedusasBadHairDay · 20/02/2022 17:52

@QueenSue

Medusa So they were simulating a sex act and no one said anything or banned them?
Nope. It's beyond belief isn't it?
OutsideVoice · 20/02/2022 17:42

Reddit is awful for this.
On makeup and hair subs, and 2xxchromosomes if you scroll through the highly rewarded posts tend to be by transwomen, often with nsfw profiles proving they are anything but women.
Don’t get me started in the lesbian subs! 🤬🤮

QueenSue · 20/02/2022 17:37

Medusa So they were simulating a sex act and no one said anything or banned them?

MedusasBadHairDay · 20/02/2022 17:15

I was in a Facebook group for vintage fashion, and it was definitely more about authentic fashion rather than burlesque etc. I was already a bit put off my the couple of MTF posters on there, as their posts seemed to regularly involve a flash of underwear (not something any of the women's posts did). But the final straw was when they posted a photo of one of them sat, literally, on the other ones face. 🤮

The comments were all about how fun and glamorous they looked though

Original poster
CremeEggsForBreakfast · 20/02/2022 17:11

@WonderfulYou

I wouldn’t have an issue with it if it’s similar to the photo you posted but I would if they were posing in their underwear (same as I would if they were females actually).

Some men do enjoy dressing in females clothes. I personally don’t see the appeal but I don’t judge as I do have some items of clothes that are men’s too.
I have quite a few friends that wear men’s boxer shorts instead of female underwear but I don’t think they don’t do it for sexual reasons.

I wear a few items of men's clothing occasionally because I find they're a more comfortable fit than the women's equivalent. I don't dress up as a man, though. These men are dressing up as women.

I may be being uncharitable (though I am relieved to see the majority of people here would also feel uncomfortable) but I feel this man is testing the waters. It started off as just him in a dress and now he's being applauded for showing us his underwear. Now he knows that's okay, how long will it be before it's a photo of him in said underwear?

OP posts:
Original poster
CremeEggsForBreakfast · 20/02/2022 17:06

@Theimpossiblegirl

I'm in this group, tempted to leave but also curious to see how far they go. A while ago someone wanted everyone to stop using the term ladies/women and when some members objected there was a massive pile on. People were banned. The company says it's about women but there's a lot of pandering and yes, fetishism in plain sight.
I missed this discussion.....

I was part of the one where a headteacher asked the group for advice regarding a student struggling with gender. EVERYONE suggested Mermaids. I gently and tactfully suggested that she look at Transgender Trend to see the other side of the argument. Another poster suggested a Watch and Wait approach with links to research etc.

The one trans-woman in the group called us transphobic and the mods deleted our comments without a word to us 🙄

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 20/02/2022 17:05

@Carbiesdreamhouse totally agree. Also do any real women use the term camisole in the uk? This trans "woman" is always talking about wearing silk camisoles with pencil skirts and how feminine he feels and ugh, why do they all fawn over him ?!

MRS54321 · 20/02/2022 12:55

When I was in my mid 20s I used to work in a high steer clothes shop which was popular with TV men at the time.
Most were fine
Once, I shut the fitting rooms for a big hairy farmer one - underneath he had those patterned tights of the late 00s with his big boots.
He tried on a lacey dress and was stroking his body and asking my opinion (me : um yes it’s lovely? ) I now realise he was probably just a creep
But now we’re “woke” and not allowed to stop creepy men from coming into the fitting rooms
How tf are 16 year shop girls supposed to figure whether a man is TV ( in which case no business being in the woman’s changing rooms) or a person going through gender change?

QueenSue · 20/02/2022 12:54

What surprises me is how naive many women are about men using these platforms as an opportunity to indulge a fetish
It also surprises me. Don't most grown women know that there are men who have fetishes for women's clothing and underwear?

Blossom987 · 20/02/2022 12:38

@roarfeckingroarr

Style sisterhood by any chance? It's awash with certain men
I’m in this group. There are at least 3 that post regularly and one is now a moderator. They nearly always get far more likes/loves and comments than the women do.

The most recent one just the other day posted:
‘omg I am so glad I am transitioning, lovin the fem world on my new journey in life’

I particularly enjoyed the selection of emojis they used. How stunning and brave. They truly know what it means to be a woman 🙄

AIBU to wonder why the women just accept this?
BreakingUpWithMyPhone · 20/02/2022 10:40

I think I know the FB group that you mean.

I left the group for a lot of reasons, but this was one of them.

AlsoNotAGirl · 20/02/2022 10:32

[quote SometimesIwalksideways]@Porridgeislife same . I was on a vintage 40s group and there was a self Iding trans woman in it who changed clothes two/three times a day. Expensive brands and expensive vintage items , with matching accessories,shoes etc. I ended up leaving the group as all these women were fawning over them. I wondered if they had a trans widow somewhere who was struggling for cash and raising their children ,while they maxed out the credit cards. ( Yeah this will be deleted won't it?). Yep can't understand why women make a fuss on these groups[/quote]
I read that as Self idoling transwoman first (dyslexic)