Council has invited lesbian group to join LGBTQ+ social forum

33 replies

Pluvia · 15/02/2022 11:27

One of my neighbours (I've known him for years) is a councillor at my Local Authority. He knows I'm a lesbian and he knows that years ago I used to apply for (and sometimes receive) small grants from the council to fund lesbian-only events or apply to rent council facilities for women-only/ lesbian-only events. For the last few years I haven't tried to obtain money because we were told we needed to be more inclusive — by which they meant we needed to welcome TWs, something I will never do.

My neighbour/ councillor recently told me that there was some funding coming up and suggested I apply for it for my lesbian group. I thanked him, explained previous problems and made my position clear. He's now forwarded me an email from the council Inclusion and Diversity champion saying that it would be wonderful if members of the lesbian group were to attend the LGBTQ+ forum/ coffee sessions he runs.

My gut instinct was to say No Thank You and explain forced teaming and how inclusion and TQ+ had done terrible damage to the lesbian community. But I get the feeling from my councillor neighbour that at least some members of the council are going out of their way to support lesbians and perhaps we need to emerge from the darkness and start being a bit more public. There is a rumour that the council have fairly recently left Stonewall and we've put in an FOI but heard nothing yet.

Any thoughts about the best way of playing it? I'm not prepared to go along to a council forum and smile politely at the local TRAs who've destroyed public lesbian culture in this area.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pluvia · 15/02/2022 12:44

@StillWeRise

I'd go if it's an open meeting you will be able to specify that you are a women only lesbian group if anyone challenges this and says you should include men, consider it a teachable moment. Most people are reasonable and would not expect lesbians to welcome people with penises into their spaces. On the other hand they may completely be on your side and you can get funding for a lesbian group. If TRAs then object to this, again a teachable moment for the general public.

I think you'll find that the TQ+ people prepared to attend a council forum to promote their views are exactly the kind of people who would expect lesbians to welcome people with penises into women-only space.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pluvia · 15/02/2022 12:37

I've done some googling and spoken to someone I know who works at the council and it would appear that the LGBTQ+ forum is mainly about networking. I'm not interested in networking with TQ+. I already have a few key GC gay men in my contacts. It would appear from a quick look that there is more reward for the I+D guy to say he's doing his job and is in contact with lesbians than there is for us. The only reasons which would encourage me to attend are money and the opportunity to educate a wide section of the council on the utter destruction that their inclusivity has caused.

I'll have a go at wording a polite response along the lines of 'really not sure there's anything to be gained by attending meetings but would be happy to have a private meeting with I+D and other interested council members so that we can explore what they can offer and what's in it for us.'

If there have been GC councillors and staff trying to highlight the appalling way the lesbian community has been treated and trying to change that, perhaps we need to respond positively. One of the friends I've run this by has said to flag up safety issues and use it as an excuse to confront the I+D guy with all the hatred and threats lesbians receive from the TQ+.

OP posts:

CompleteGinasaur · 15/02/2022 12:23

And you say that you get the feeling that the council might be at least beginning to wake up and smell the misogyny - is there any way of firming up this knowledge so that you have a better idea of how proceed? Possibly by exactly what you wanted to do initially - explain to your neighbour/councillor the roots of your reluctance; the forced teaming, the damage done, examples of the groups, facilities and culture destroyed, the silencing of lesbians and our exclusion from precisely these kinds of funding streams. Because isn't your absolutely justified reluctance to put yourself in that vulnerable position a perfect example of exactly that? If he is a good local politician surely he would appreciate more information and a fresh perspective..

CompleteGinasaur · 15/02/2022 12:09

Sorry, sort of cross=post with Senua..

CompleteGinasaur · 15/02/2022 12:08

I think it would very much depend on risk/reward ratios here. What are you likely to gain from a coffee morning, possibly with TRAs present, with the Inclusion and Diversity Champion (always the most captured, most invested and most resistant to anything but the trans rights/Stonewall party line in any group or organisation) setting the agenda and running the meeting? If it was a more formal council meeting where you could present your position to a more open minded group, then fine, but there doesn't seem to be much on offer as a quid pro quo for the risk you take. If you think it will lead to further openings down the line, however, it becomes more worthwhile, but I would certainly make sure to take someone with me - possibly your neighbour, as a teaching opportunity in itself?

senua · 15/02/2022 11:56

an email from the council Inclusion and Diversity champion saying that it would be wonderful if members of the lesbian group were to attend the LGBTQ+ forum/ coffee sessions he runs.
Ask what is the purpose of the meeting. Is it just flim-flam to make D&I look good or will there be any concrete outcomes from these meetings which will be a positive for your group? Put the ball back in their court.

StillWeRise · 15/02/2022 11:46

I'd go
if it's an open meeting you will be able to specify that you are a women only lesbian group
if anyone challenges this and says you should include men, consider it a teachable moment. Most people are reasonable and would not expect lesbians to welcome people with penises into their spaces.
On the other hand they may completely be on your side and you can get funding for a lesbian group. If TRAs then object to this, again a teachable moment for the general public.

FOJN · 15/02/2022 11:38

How are the sessions organised? Could you attend once to observe and see how things stand?

Unflip

1 2