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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Husband transitioning help!

462 replies

LifeIsAGameYouCannotWin · 10/02/2022 12:57

Hi all, name change for this. DH has been talking about transitioning for many years now. I was pretty much in denial the whole time, thinking maybe he's a cross dresser, etc. Anyway I'm now realizing that he is serious. We have very good relationships, he's fully aware of how it affects me and our child. He loves me very much but as much as I want this to go away I can't accept his sacrifice of not transitioning and not being himself. He will eventually transition but I guess it's best done when he's still young. Anyway I'm all over the place and don't know how to navigate this long journey. I said I will fully support him but I don't think I will stay with him, we'll see I might who knows. Is there anyone hear who can talk to me about it? I'm afraid of what the future holds for us, I'm worrying about my kid, is he going to be bullied? Is this going to traumatize him? What to do?

OP posts:
Linguini · 10/02/2022 13:25

Is there anyone out there who transitioned and still a co-parent? How does this work

Yes, some men who have an identity crisis later in life are still able to parent their children, but I think you'll need to accept that his priority is going to be himself for the foreseeable future.
Don't have another baby with him whatever you do.

Linguini · 10/02/2022 13:22

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Sexnotgender · 10/02/2022 13:21

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Whatsnewpussyhat · 10/02/2022 13:21

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TheHoptimist · 10/02/2022 13:18

As you are not in the UK maybe ask on a forum that can give you advice relevant to the context in which you live.

CorrBlimeyGG · 10/02/2022 13:17

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Whatsnewpussyhat · 10/02/2022 13:15

Honestly, I'd divorce now and prepare for the shitstorm ahead.

PronounssheRa · 10/02/2022 13:14

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4236287-trans-widows-escape-committee-5-and-so-it-continues?pg=5

You will find knowledgeable and supportive women on this thread. you may have to prepare yourself for a very uncomfortable journey

LifeIsAGameYouCannotWin · 10/02/2022 13:14

Yes I understand there is nothing to stop him so I'm trying to navigate this future. I have no family around at all, but should be okay if divorcing as I work full time. He earns enough to save for required medical treatments. Of course I'm kind, I love him, he is a great man. He was struggling all his life with his identity and tried his best to ignore this issue and lead a normal life. If I ask I suppose he'll try to continue with his normal life but I see how much he's willing to transition and I'm hopeful this will make him a happier person. I'm worried what he'll have to face in this process and unkindness he might uncounted. I know he'll fully support me if I was "throwing our life upside down". It's not something he can help himself. I read some of transwiddow's stories. I find a lot of the time the men were not great despite transitioning. The child is of preschool age. If I could stop this I would. I love my life as it is. Is there anyone out there who transitioned and still a co-parent? How does this work.

OP posts:
Scraggythang · 10/02/2022 13:07

Came here to say the same as @picklemewalnuts

@tinselangel and her trans widows thread give fantastic support and a voice to women going through or have been through the same.

Flowers
picklemewalnuts · 10/02/2022 13:03

There's a 'transwidows' support thread around here, somewhere.

You are being very kind. Possibly kinder than he deserves. If you were to reframe it, if it were you who was turning everything upside down, would you be as kind to yourself?

Linguini · 10/02/2022 13:01

There's nothing you can do to stop your husband transitioning, you can only wish him the best of luck.

How old is your child?

Does he intend to use household income to fund surgeries and hormones?

How will you manage in the case of divorce? Would he leave or would you need to move?
Do you have family around you to support in your separation?

I hope you are ok.