Husband transitioning help!

WallaceinAnderland

By transitioning, your husband is asking everyone to role play and affirm something that isn't true - that he's a woman

This is the only thing that people have a problem with. Transgender people are asking everyone - the whole world - to transition their thinking. It's not a personal transition, it needs to be facilitated by everyone else and therein lies the problem.

I agree. “Asking everyone - the whole world - lto transition their thinking” is a good way of putting it.

And I would say it is more than thinking. It is almost like an instinct and a guttural response. It possibly can be tricked sometimes, but rarely.

By transitioning, your husband is asking everyone to role play and affirm something that isn't true - that he's a woman

This is the only thing that people have a problem with. Transgender people are asking everyone - the whole world - to transition their thinking. It's not a personal transition, it needs to be facilitated by everyone else and therein lies the problem.

I think for me the sticking point would be the inevitable unconscious coercion. By transitioning, your husband is asking everyone to role play and affirm something that isn't true - that he's a woman. I think the only similarity with discovering your husband is gay would be if the husband insisted everyone pretend he was actually straight.

Exactly.

I was accosted once by a transwoman who wanted my opinion on their hair & makeup. About a foot taller than me and it was a quiet street. OF COURSE I was going to express appreciation, plead an appointment and get away as quickly as I could in the opposite direction.

Even trans women who say 'nobody ever challenges me when I use the female toilets so I must pass' neglect to understand that some are socialised to not want to challenge for safety reasons, not wanting to upset someone and also not wanting to be called trans phobic.

Exactly this.

Any male I see in the women’s bathroom is clearly comfortable erasing women’s boundaries and as such I, a very petite woman, don’t feel safe challenging them.

They don’t pass, they’re just existing on their male privilege.

Even trans women who say 'nobody ever challenges me when I use the female toilets so I must pass' neglect to understand that some are socialised to not want to challenge for safety reasons, not wanting to upset someone and also not wanting to be called trans phobic.

Absolutely. Women are socialised from birth to be kind, polite and invested in other people’s well-being.

Boys and men are socialised to accept this as their due. (There’s a huge amount of research about what happens when girls and women resist this socialisation).

Transwomen are male, so go figure.

*I could tell it that she

There was a woman at a party where I work recently. She was gorgeous.

I could tell it she was a transwoman. It wasn't discussed, and she seemed to pass, but if I could tell, I'm sure other people could tell, but also just weren't mentioning it.

You sound like a lovely person OP but very naive so it's great you're open to reading more and learning.

In terms of how he looks I can see he could pass with minor adjustments so some people might not pay attention and not know.

It is staggeringly unlikely that people will genuinely believe he passes as a woman even if he transitions and has facial surgery / tweaks.

It's important to know this for him as well as you due to his expectations and yours needing to be realistic.

Even trans women who say 'nobody ever challenges me when I use the female toilets so I must pass' neglect to understand that some are socialised to not want to challenge for safety reasons, not wanting to upset someone and also not wanting to be called trans phobic.

Lack of challenge or labelling doesn't mean that people can't tell if someone is a natal male or female, from bone structure to gait. Women are statistically better at this.

I was looking at a trailer for something on twitter about Derek Fowlds who was Bernard in Yes Minister, which I always thought was terribly serious, and also on Heartbeat for years and I realised he was "Mr Derek" who used to appear with Basil Brush.

Bloody hell. I’ve never made that connection.

I am trying to understand this better. Why should the t be with LGB? LGB is all about who you fancy. T is about how you view yourself…?

You can also say that being gay is a perversion of sexuality and is similar to being say a necrophile. But it's not. It's been accepted that gay and trans people do not with harm to other people and are normal people living their lives as they see fit.

It’s absolute bollocks to compare being gay to trans, gay people are not pretending to be another sex, forcing themselves to be seen as another sex or moving into spaces not designed for them. They don’t ask others to deny what’s in front of them either. The T should never have been included with LGB, it’s not even remotely similar and as a gay person I want no part of it.

I'm not sure the OP would find Amanda Jette Knox's story particularly comforting at this stage given it involves

1. Having a trans identifying child
2. Husband then transitioning
3. Vocally declaring you're a lesbian now
4. Child deciding they're actually non binary
5. Declaring yourself genderqueer because trans activists got fed up of a "cis" woman speaking for them but you need to keep selling books

It's the sort of rollercoaster most of us could do without.

No, I meant Bobby Ball!

To many quotes

Actually will stop now. Feels a bit disrespectful on a serious thread.

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn

Bobby Ball was ‘Rock on Tommy.’

I’m now trying to think whether Eric Morecambe had any catchphrases.“

Yes he was but many more besides. He was “ooh, I could crush a grape” too.

Basil Brush was in panto in Windsor over Christmas. I had no idea he was still around.

I used to like Bob Carolgees (sp?) and Spit the Dog too.

Bobby Ball was ‘Rock on Tommy.’

I’m now trying to think whether Eric Morecambe had any catchphrases.

Francis had numerous catchphrases on Crackerjack, mostly based on his prolific "Ooh! I could crush a grape!!". Other variations included: "I could pop a balloon", "I could rip a tissue", "I could jump off a doll's house", "I could wrestle an action man", "I could duff a daffodil", "I could test drive a Tonkaa*", "I could pummel a peach", and "I could eat a whole sausage roll".