Gender dysphoria and autism

Masking: theautisticadvocate.com/autistic-masking/

"To break that down, what this means is that an Autistic child quickly learns that who they are is not who other people want us to be.

From very early on we are stigmatised, pathologised and (wittingly and unwittingly) punished for how we think, feel, communicate, move, behave, interpret sensory information, develop, play, even down to how and what we eat.

Every aspect of being Autistic is invalidated by the world around us and often directly to our faces.

So we learn that in order to not be excluded, marginalised, invalidated and ill-treated that we have to be 'acceptable' and project a personality that gives others comfort, so that we aren't treated that way

. Often that comfort comes in the form of showing other people what they expect to see, even if sometimes that means appearing 'more Autistic' (that can differ depending on the other person's thoughts on what Autism looks like - usually behaviourally based)."

If you read about Temple Grandin's life, she's very clear that the "frippery of being" a girl made no sense to her.

She is extremely gender non conforming.

But never been seen as male or seen herself as male. Perhaps as she has spent a life time studying cattle.

Unfortunately too that article includes "queer" a lot when it's clear that a couple mean lesbian. Others I suspect mean non binary. But there are other women who are clear they're women but find male stereotypes make more sense.

I found this an interesting read; women with autism describe their experiences.

You can see over and over again where they didn't fit in, found the way men spoke easier, don't like makeup, were accepted by "queer communities."

wellcomecollection.org/articles/Yd8L-hAAAIAWFxqa

Deep pressure is an anti anxiety relief; OTs use something called bear hugs with some children in school for short periods.

They're very similar to binders. But it's max 20 mins iirc.

We let many children with autism down but particularly girls. I need to add that I've know some boys with autism who fit the "new stereotype" for girls with autism too. Its better to ditch the link to gender/ sex and really educate people that there's a particular set of "traits" (hate that word) that are linked to autism and these young people need help. A key factor is masking. More common in girls but not exclusive.

There is a really good advocate for autism at the moment making these points (but unfortunately trots out that twaw.)

As a woman only just understanding the affect of autism on my life I think a trans identity would have appealed if I was a teen now. I didn’t understand the social expectations of girls nor did I understand the social rules of girls. As a result I was often ostracised and a trans identity would have given me an automatic group of friends and made me interesting rather than odd. Later I always gravitated to boys for friendships as they were easier to understand and I shared more of their interests. I’m still “non-binary”, I just understand myself better now.

As an autistic woman who was an autistic girl fifty years ago, I'd say autistic girls express themselves as 'non-binary' as we don't feel male or female, we just feel like people. Thereafter we learn our sex from our bodies and our gender from societal expectations.

At the moment, expectations and stereotypes are given precedence, so if you like pink and sparkly you are a girl, and if you like tough and rugged you are a boy, no matter what your body says. It's feeble and it leaves children open to abuse.

It sounds like she's been told that being a woman is about certain types of feminine presentation or interests, presumably men have masculine presentation or interests. Non-binary is something in between whether she sees it as a female person with a more masculine presentation or a mixed set of interests and presentation.

A lot of kids that hear this stuff just believe it, it makes sense to them on the surface and they don't really have the abstract thinking and the historical understanding and experiences to see that it's actually pretty incoherent once you scratch the surface.

My question to her would be, what does it mean to her to be a woman or a man? If being non-binary means wearing less feminine clothing, my question would be why she is seeing the masculine as somehow neutral? I'd also be inclined to ask why she wants to put such strict boxes around what it means to be a woman or a man, and point out that actually, most of the stuff she is doing as a non-binary person women have been doing for a long time. Saying that women can't be that way is pretty sexist.

she says she is a woman but that her gender is non binary

What does she mean by this? Does she just mean that her sex is female but that she doesn’t conform to a female (or indeed male) gender stereotype? If so, she sounds like a feminist…

Stereotypes are often recognised as out-dated and sex-neutral clothes are widely accepted, so it's a shame there is so much pressure on all young people to think about this new ideology gender.

Can you focus more on what your DD likes to do and less on identity?

I say this as a feminist who does not at all relate to feminine stereotypes and doesn't plan to ID as anything, I am who I am.

Some of the young autistic people that I work with have this dichotomy of feeling anxious at not fitting in on the one hand, yet also feeling ‘special’ on the other. Some are angry at not having the attention and recognition that their specialness deserves.

Being non-binary provides an instant and very vocal community of equally special and often morally righteous people. That must feel quite satisfying.

These traits may well just be the young adults that I see, but they are very consistent traits.

• Tend to have a very concertized view of certain social norms, so a "masculine" girl is percieved as being somehow not really a girl.

*Discomfort with social norms they see as required.

• General feeling that they are "wrong" and don't fit in.

*Around puberty, discomfort with changes in the body and becoming sexually interesting to the opposite sex, the physicality of menstruation, etc.

*Related to the above, it's not uncommon for autistic teens to be late bloomers in terms of maturity and compared to their peers, which can make navigating all of this more difficult.

• A tendency to be rather linear in their thinking and not always realize when someone is taking advantage.

You might find this helpful

Autism, Puberty, and Gender Dysphoria
4w.pub/autism-puberty-gender-dysphoria-view-from-an-autistic-desisted-woman

When people say they’re non-binary, what they often mean is that they don’t conform with male or female stereotypes. Back in my day we’d have called it “being a tomboy” if you were a girl. But nowadays you’re not allowed to be non-gender-conforming, you must be trans.

I’m autistic.
I wanted to be a boy from quite a young age - maybe 8 or 9.
Looking back I think it’s because no one told boys to put uncomfortable clothes on, or that they should look like a girl and play with dolls etc.
I was allowed to have short hair and mainly wore my brother’s cast-offs. It was the 80s so not an issue.

If I was a child/teen now with all the rigid gender stuff going on I can only imagine the distress.

Body changes at puberty made everything worse. I was very overweight, which also didn’t help. I was isolated.
Trying to picture how it would play out if I was going through that now -
If online groups accepted me I would have fully embraced it and would have defended them to death, illogical bonkers ideology or not.
If there was any chance of halting puberty and the changes that came with that I’d have wanted it wholeheartedly, no hesitation.
All the issues I had as a teen I would have been able to pin, obsessively, on being in the wrong body.
Every case I’ve read about a trans girl I can retrospectively relate to.

I grew out of feeling like this in my early twenties. If someone had asked if I feel like a woman I’d probably say no, I just feel like me.

I know so many autistic women who went through similar as a teen. Not one is looking back and wishing they’d been able to transition, all without exception is relieved to have grown up decades ago and bypassed it all.

It rankles that organisations such as the NSA have accepted gender ideology as fact, ignoring the many letters sent by people by me. Its heartbreaking to think of the number of autistic girls who will be damaged because asking any questions is “transphobic”.

-If you feel like you don’t fit in (due to autism) and someone gives you an answer that explains why (you’re trans), then you grab it with both hands because you’re sick of feeling alone and rejected and you’re desperate to have something that explains why you’re the odd one out.

-If you’re non-gender-conforming or just not very social the girls will reject you, and the boys (who you have more in common with) won’t let you join them. But if you’re trans it opens the door to be friends with the boys.

-You go from being someone who is bullied and rejected (for being autistic) to being someone who is stunning and brave and everyone wants to be your friend, because you’re special and they want to virtue signal by being your friend. Why wouldn’t you choose the option where you can have friends and be included and accepted?

We're surrounding teen girls with the image of femininity as make up, heels, hairstyles, lashes, outgoing, flirty, sexually confident etc. There's very little representation of anything else. A quick Google and the answer to not being into this stuff is that you're actually a boy.

I wanted to be a boy as a child/teen. Maybe it was because I didn't fit in with the girls at school? They were all quite girly, with long hair, playing "girly" games that I didn't like. I had short hair, hated wearing dresses and skirts, hated make up.

I desperately wanted a group to fit in with as a teen though. I had a few friends, but they had their own other groups of friends that I wasn't part of as I was the weird one.

Now imagine it was now and I found a group I could fit in with, who didn't conform to the gender stereotypes of girls. All I had to do is say I'm non binary/trans, and ta da, insist acceptance into a special group. Instant friends! Many who are probably also autistic, which is why they don't fit in, and are gender non conforming. But actually they're just autistic girls.

I'm pretty much the same now, don't fit in, hate make up (feels weird), mainly to be found wearing jeans and oversized hoodies (but will now get dressed up for nights out) Still a woman though. An autistic woman.

I'd separate gender and body dismorphia

You can only have gender dysmorphis if you first subscribe to the concept of gender

Ie you must first believe that there are none sexual characteristics associated with the sexes

That is learned behaviour