School trip policies on overnight accommodation for trans children

In writing to the school:

"I do not believe it is unsupportive of an individual's trans identity to acknowledge the reality that the proposed arrangement is for a mixed sex bedroom, and there are obvious safeguarding concerns with having mixed sex bedrooms on a school trip with 14 year olds which the 14 year olds themselves are not in a suitable position to judge the risk assessment for. The grownups need to have the courage to find a sensitive way of ensuring that all sleeping accommodation is single sex. Sex and gender are not the same thing and it is not a kindness to our children to pretend otherwise."

This is so out of order. Focus less on your daughter and more on the bigger picture.

1. Mixed sex sleeping arrangements for 14 year olds is not appropriate for very obvious reasons. Safeguarding is about imagining the worst outcome and then taking all reasonable steps to prevent it. How are the school doing this, in this circumstance?
2. Your daughters 'permission' does not absolve the school of their safeguarding duties.
3. It was absolutely inappropriate for the school to put this decision in the hands of the children. This should be between the school and the parents. Putting the children in the mix raises the risk of peer pressure coming to bear, and girls being pressured into agreeing something they are not comfortable with

The school have handled this really badly, i would be wanting this raised with the govenors.

Frankly a worrying number of people seem to be failing to spot the obvious issue & seem quite happy with 14 year olds being in charge of safeguarding

It’s okay to be “that parent”. It’s important for someone to take the first step.

Moreover, it’s important to show your daughter that it’s not “phobic” towards anyone to want to keep the safeguarding of girls uppermost in mind. I am sorry for her that she sees it the way she does.

@foodfiend

As with all residential school trips, it is usual practice for the children to indicate a preference for who they would prefer to share with.

Usually, this is dealt with the school without any involvement from parents and rooms allocated at the teachers discretion taking into account the children's preferences.

In this instance I believe the parents were contacted in confidence by the school to seek their opinion on room sharing with the individual/group concerned - and no pressure was given on the parents by the school to accept a room share with the trans teen.

I'd be asking to see what their insurance covers. Plus the risk-assessment.

I wonder if the school is allowing other mixed sex groups to share a room? If not why not?

If the policy is that only "trans" males get to do this, what heterosexual teenage boy wouldn't be tempted to claim to be "trans" if it meant they got to sleep with teenage girls on trips?

And the fact that it worked out OK for you in social settings when you were young doesn't make it safe. I didn't wear a seat belt when I was young and four of us rode in the boot - on the basis that I was fine should we do away with seat belts and car seats?

You must be 'that parent', OP

If not you then who?

Someone needs to call the school out on this lunacy

This is friends choosing to share a room and everyone is happy.

I wonder if the school is allowing other mixed sex groups to share a room? If not why not? And why does this not apply to this male individual?

Are there other safeguarding policies the school leaves up to the judgement of 14 year old girls, or so they have rules which they enforce? If they fancy sharing with another male child, is that ok?

I’d be bloody furious - mixed sex sleeping and bathroom accommodation is wholly inappropriate and the children should not be able to choose to opt in

I'm afraid you need to speak to the school. Don't discuss with your DD any more and don't tell her you're talking to the school - the first issue is the policies, not her feelings.

The school need to know you're not onboard with mixed sex sleeping. At all. Mixed sex friendships are not a problem, but they don't need to be sleeping together. I agree you need a meeting with the head and head of safeguarding together, unfortunately. It's not about getting pregnant, although that's not impossible, it's about the dignity of every child. And like you said above, eliminating the risk of any difficult to prove accusations - by either sex.

I hate this insidious push for each and every organisation to “make up their own rules” - it’s harder for us to fight back that way isn’t it - instead of fighting one government decision we have to fight in each individual school.

Seriously? The school is dumping its safeguarding responsibility on 3 14 year olds?

What does their safeguarding policy say about mixed sex sharing on school trips?

As a PP has said, it’s not about this person, it’s not personal. However lovely they are, they are male. Tbh I’m aghast that a school could be this bloody casual about safeguarding

Any other legal duties they’re planning to off load onto the pupils? Or is it just this one

I mean ffs!!

You cant rely on them all getting om and being friends though.

Statistically when sexual assults happen it's someone they know. Someone they trust. Friends , family, people they have known their whole lives etc.

Risk actually goes up not down .

@foodfiend

they are all friends anyway and supported her thru her transition and coming out at school. Parents know the teen group well - it's a non-issue really.

Its not about this person.

Its about the fact that this message is not a healthy one. They must say they are ok to share because it's transphobic. What if the next kid isn't a friend. How do you say no to one when you said yes to another and the teachers have you down as someone who doesn't mind.

So what if the kids agree. They are kidd. Kids would do lots of silly, dangerous or risky things if allowed to do so. That's why adults step in and dont put them in the position in the first place

Even if every child kicked off and said they were fine the point of being able to say they are fine is that it won't happen. They won't he tested that way v
Because the adults will protect them right?

Contact safe schools alliance op

This is a massive failure if safeguarding.. the insurance might not even be valid if they do this.

The NSPCC guidance on mixed sex bedroom sharing for siblings states:
While it's not illegal for them to share, it's recommended that children over the age of 10 should have their own bedrooms – even if they're siblings or step-siblings.
And that's about families.

You're right OP. The school should not be putting the children into a position where they are asked if they'r be OK sharing with a boy who self identifies as a girl. It's putting girls into the position of support humans - just there to validate others.
Either all the room sharing is done on a mixed sex basis or none.
You need to be that parent I'm afraid as so schools have been captured by the self interested adult organisations and are abandoning basic safeguarding.

Suggestions:

1. Are rooms allocated on a mixed sex basis or not?
2. Why are girls being put into a position where they're likely to feel unable to say no?
3. Have they done any risk assessments for their new mixed sex sleeping policy?