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Original poster

Dad taking daughters into the ladies or disabled toilets

260 replies

MattDillonsEyebrows · 22/01/2022 14:32

If a dad was on his own with two daughters ages 4 & 5, would you have an issue with him going into the ladies toilets with them? He says he would call out, that he is a man, and coming in with his daughters and would stay in a cubicle, and also call out when leaving the cubicle. But obviously he would need to use the sinks to wash hands.

Or would you suggest he uses the disabled toilets instead?

The reason he doesn't want to use the mens, is a) them having to walk past urinals and strange men peeing, and b) due to the all too common state of men's toilets in general and even the sit down toilet usually has pee all over the seat and is generally disgusting and he doesn't want to subject his daughters to this.

I personally wouldn't have an issue with this because I agree with his reasons for not wanting to take his daughters in there, but obviously his presence would more than likely make some women feel uncomfortable which he would not want to do.

Disabled toilet is obviously another option, but having seen some of the disabled toilet threads on here, that would also cause an issue if a disabled person was waiting. Obviously a child, is unlikely to be able to wait.

Please nobody retort with 'well the fact that men's toilet's are filthy isn't the women's problem' or similar as, whilst I agree with this sentiment, unfortunately they do tend to be gross and changing that would take huge societal change which let's face it, is not likely to happen soon.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 22/01/2022 15:56

This has already been posted three months ago. Except the op was pregnant. The calling out, the urinals, the filthy fears, it's all the same.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 22/01/2022 15:54

At 4 and 5 can't they manage on their own. Presumably they do at school

I've never seen anyone do this. Men have their kids with them into the men's toilet

ladygindiva · 22/01/2022 15:53

@Kriskristoffifee

Toilets for the disabled ffs not disabled Toilets .
Well it's also toilets for males, not male toilets, or female toilets. But I don't think pointing that out actually adds anything to the debate tbh.
ladygindiva · 22/01/2022 15:51

We have 5 yo twin girls and dp does not feel right going into ladies toilets when he's out with them alone. He always uses the disabled toilets.

TeamBlondie · 22/01/2022 15:47

No. Men should not be in the womens toilets. Ever.

ldontWanna · 22/01/2022 15:46

OH mostly took DD into the mens. On the odd occasion they were really not appropriate, he used the disabled toilet. From around 7 she started going on her own in the ladies with him outside watching the door.

gettingmylifetogether · 22/01/2022 15:39

@jay55

I've seen it happen once. It was at a casino in Las Vegas, he had three kids all probably under 8, the eldest didn't look old enough to help the youngest, who was probably too young to be able to hold it for long. It honestly didn't cross my mind to be upset. I fully understood he couldn't take them into the mens, which would likely be full of drunks.

Shopping centres that have decent family facility's are brilliant and we need more all in units with space for parent and multiple kids.

I think that's about the only situation in which it would be OK for a man to take his DDs into a female toilet - if the only other options were unsafe for the girls.

The feelings of the women using the ladies' toilets absolutely are important. But I can't see a single woman not prepared to put those feelings aside to keep a little girl safe from potentially aggressive and/or scary male drunks.

(Not entirely sure why there would be kids in a casino environment, but if they were there, I think you would potentially expect drunk men milling about, so like @jay55, you'd instantly get it and wouldn't be upset.)

AliceMcK · 22/01/2022 15:39

The biggest problem is the complete lack of parent friendly facilities in the uk. I had my oldest 2 children overseas where there were dedicated parent facilities everywhere you went, spaces to change babies, play areas to safely put older children while changing baby, seating areas to feed babies and parent and child toilets so there wasn’t any issues of taking girls into men’s toilets or men going into the ladies.

DaftVader42 · 22/01/2022 15:35

I’ve been asked by dads to keep an eye out for their girls in the toilets as I’ve been walking in with mine. I always agree, never mind being asked, and invariably it doesn’t involve doing anything other than keeping an eye that they’re not locked in. (I also get asked to watch people’s luggage while they go to the airport toilets. (I pick up a family member so loitering at arrivals). I must look trustworthy , (or that I have nothing better to do 😁))

Men can’t go in women’s, but it’s okay to ask for help

IndigoandCerulean · 22/01/2022 15:35

@Kriskristoffifee

Toilets for the disabled ffs not disabled Toilets .
I appreciate that you are probably trying to use the correct language or something, but I don't think it really matters. Do you say women's toilets or toilets for the women?

I'm disabled and I never use the disabled toilets unless it's absolutely necessary because usually I have the ability not to and some disabled people don't. I consider it extremely selfish and ablest when people who don't need to, use facilities designed and designated for disabled people.

jay55 · 22/01/2022 15:33

I've seen it happen once. It was at a casino in Las Vegas, he had three kids all probably under 8, the eldest didn't look old enough to help the youngest, who was probably too young to be able to hold it for long.
It honestly didn't cross my mind to be upset. I fully understood he couldn't take them into the mens, which would likely be full of drunks.

Shopping centres that have decent family facility's are brilliant and we need more all in units with space for parent and multiple kids.

MaizeAmaze · 22/01/2022 15:30

There is absolutly no way he should be going into the women's toilets.
There is absolutly no way he should be using the disabled facilities.

That leaves the option of family toilets if they exist, the mens, or sending the daughters into the ladies alone.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/01/2022 15:30

If he needs any more convincing... ask if he would be happy in a few years watching an unknown man follow his daughters into the ladies, for whatever reason.

SantaClawsServiette · 22/01/2022 15:27

I always went with my dad into the men's which was generally fine. And actually we didn't tend to go into places where they were usually gross?

If that was really not possible for some reason I guess I'd think the next best option would be any type of single toilet. Or send the girls into the women's alone, my 5 year old could certainly manage though not all could.

Original poster
MattDillonsEyebrows · 22/01/2022 15:25

@Artichokeleaves

This makes no sense.

He's unwilling to expose his little girls to a room where male people are toileting, because he's uncomfortable about this.

And his solution to this is to be a male person in a room where female people are toileting. But that's ok because he's the male person. How many male people need to be in the female loos before he finds that inappropriate too? Bearing in mind that it's not at all unusual for male people to use cubicles to pee with the door open in mixed sex spaces.

Yes, we need third spaces which provides family access like this as well as providing for all other people who don't need a single sex space.

This comment, and the one earlier about setting a really bad example to his daughters about women's boundaries have hit home for me, and absolutely made me realise the ridiculousness of the situation. There really isn't a reason for men to be in the ladies toilets.

I will suggest he starts carrying anti-bac wipes with him and carries on going in the mens.

Thank you @Artichokeleaves

OP posts:
malloo · 22/01/2022 15:24

See this is why third spaces make so much sense. Not only do they solve the issue of where trans or non binary people can go if they're not comfortable with spaces provided by sex, they also allow a space for parents with opposite sex kids.

Thingybob · 22/01/2022 15:20

@Whatwouldscullydo

But if you weren't sharing toilets with babies/families then there wouldn't be so many toilets for the disabled

So many? There's like usually 1. Which is provided as they have to by law.

Its not some convenient by product of providing for families. Confused

The law doesn't state that a toilet has to be exclusively for the disabled though. If I was service that provided toilets then it would be allowable to provide an assessable toilet that anyone could use.
Artichokeleaves · 22/01/2022 15:15

This makes no sense.

He's unwilling to expose his little girls to a room where male people are toileting, because he's uncomfortable about this.

And his solution to this is to be a male person in a room where female people are toileting. But that's ok because he's the male person. How many male people need to be in the female loos before he finds that inappropriate too? Bearing in mind that it's not at all unusual for male people to use cubicles to pee with the door open in mixed sex spaces.

Yes, we need third spaces which provides family access like this as well as providing for all other people who don't need a single sex space.

username1293948 · 22/01/2022 15:14

I think it’s more appropriate if they are that young they can just go into the mens with him. Absolutely never okay for a man to walk into the woman’s toilets.

Whatwouldscullydo · 22/01/2022 15:14

But if you weren't sharing toilets with babies/families then there wouldn't be so many toilets for the disabled

So many? There's like usually 1. Which is provided as they have to by law.

Its not some convenient by product of providing for families. Confused

Thingybob · 22/01/2022 15:12

@JesusSufferingFuck22

Please don't use the disabled toilet if you're not disabled. We already share that with the baby changing unit usually. I'd be mightily pissed off if I had to wait to use the disabled toilet because a man can't bear to take his kids to the male toilets. I have MS and part of that means when I need to pee, I NEED to pee. I try to plan any trips around my bladder so I don't have to pee when I'm out but occasionally plans go awry.
But if you weren't sharing toilets with babies/families then there wouldn't be so many toilets for the disabled.
JesusSufferingFuck22 · 22/01/2022 15:09

Please don't use the disabled toilet if you're not disabled. We already share that with the baby changing unit usually. I'd be mightily pissed off if I had to wait to use the disabled toilet because a man can't bear to take his kids to the male toilets. I have MS and part of that means when I need to pee, I NEED to pee.

I try to plan any trips around my bladder so I don't have to pee when I'm out but occasionally plans go awry.

SoItWas · 22/01/2022 15:09

I think he either needs to take them into the mens or disabled loo's with him, or into the womens on their own, and wait outside the door for them.

Gymrats · 22/01/2022 15:08

Or use the baby changing room actually, that’s not just for babies but more of a family toilet/room

Gymrats · 22/01/2022 15:08

No, he he to take them into the men’s, like every other father with daughters does.