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Original poster

Dad taking daughters into the ladies or disabled toilets

260 replies

MattDillonsEyebrows · 22/01/2022 14:32

If a dad was on his own with two daughters ages 4 & 5, would you have an issue with him going into the ladies toilets with them? He says he would call out, that he is a man, and coming in with his daughters and would stay in a cubicle, and also call out when leaving the cubicle. But obviously he would need to use the sinks to wash hands.

Or would you suggest he uses the disabled toilets instead?

The reason he doesn't want to use the mens, is a) them having to walk past urinals and strange men peeing, and b) due to the all too common state of men's toilets in general and even the sit down toilet usually has pee all over the seat and is generally disgusting and he doesn't want to subject his daughters to this.

I personally wouldn't have an issue with this because I agree with his reasons for not wanting to take his daughters in there, but obviously his presence would more than likely make some women feel uncomfortable which he would not want to do.

Disabled toilet is obviously another option, but having seen some of the disabled toilet threads on here, that would also cause an issue if a disabled person was waiting. Obviously a child, is unlikely to be able to wait.

Please nobody retort with 'well the fact that men's toilet's are filthy isn't the women's problem' or similar as, whilst I agree with this sentiment, unfortunately they do tend to be gross and changing that would take huge societal change which let's face it, is not likely to happen soon.

OP posts:
Ossoduro · 22/01/2022 16:28

I would rather have a dad bring his two little girls into the ladies than have the two little girls have to go into the men’s. I just don’t see a problem with that. Particularly if he calls out on his way in. When there is a male cleaner they just put up a sign. What’s the difference?

lucillelarusso · 22/01/2022 16:27

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Just to add, I've seen it once too. But the child had a bad nosebleed and the mother was there too. It was obviously an emergency situation. Not just a man thinking he was above convention.
Why on earth did the child need 2 parents with her?
lucillelarusso · 22/01/2022 16:26

DH used to CARRY DD into the mens and hold her above the loo, and they used to go to Old Trafford a lot - grim toilets. It's not acceptable for a man to go in the women's toilet.

bonetiredwithtwins · 22/01/2022 16:25

At that age I would expect at least the 5 year old to go into the ladies herself - she will be doing that at school after all

The 4 year old - borderline and I wouldn't have an issue with him using the disabled - majority of disabled loos are actually dual purpose for disabled and baby change these days so I don't see why someone would get uppity about it

I imagine any lady in the loos seeing his predicament would offer to watch the girls until they'd come out (not go in the cubicle obviously) but keep an eye on case they couldn't manage the lock or reach to press the tap or something

HardbackWriter · 22/01/2022 16:25

@jay55

I've seen it happen once. It was at a casino in Las Vegas, he had three kids all probably under 8, the eldest didn't look old enough to help the youngest, who was probably too young to be able to hold it for long. It honestly didn't cross my mind to be upset. I fully understood he couldn't take them into the mens, which would likely be full of drunks.

Shopping centres that have decent family facility's are brilliant and we need more all in units with space for parent and multiple kids.

No one should be taking their children to somewhere that the toilets will likely be full of drunks Confused

DH does find it a real pain that so many places only have baby changing facilities in the women's toilets, but he's just had to learn a list of where they're not in the women's. Because, clearly, him going in the women's toilets isn't an option.

StarsAreWishes · 22/01/2022 16:23

Would I personally have a problem with it? No.

But as you can see from the answers, there are enough people who would have an issue with it for him not to do it.

I don’t think you will get a “general consensus” here though. I think this is one of those threads that will gain disproportionately more comments from people who feel strongly. And that’s OK. The strength of the feeling is relevant.

Rainbowqueeen · 22/01/2022 16:22

No it’s completely inappropriate. And entitled. His feelings do not trump those of women who are using the facilities.

He needs to plan outings appropriately Nervous drivers will make their own adjustments when they go out eg leaving earlier, taking a different route. He needs to make his own adjustments that do not inconvenience or trigger anyone else eg researching where the regularly cleaned toilets are, taking wipes with him.

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/01/2022 16:21

Disabled or baby change loos.

As a PP said, if he goes into the women’s then you are teaching your daughters it’s OK for men to invade single sex spaces. It is not.

In an emergency, he should explain his problem and ask to use the staff loo.

Itslit · 22/01/2022 16:20

He says he would call out, that he is a man, and coming in with his daughters and would stay in a cubicle, and also call out when leaving the cubicle

This is misogynistic in itself

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/01/2022 16:17

Just to add, I've seen it once too. But the child had a bad nosebleed and the mother was there too. It was obviously an emergency situation. Not just a man thinking he was above convention.

clarrylove · 22/01/2022 16:17

They could go into the ladies by themselves and he could wait just outside.

TooWicked · 22/01/2022 16:15

@jay55

I've seen it happen once. It was at a casino in Las Vegas, he had three kids all probably under 8, the eldest didn't look old enough to help the youngest, who was probably too young to be able to hold it for long. It honestly didn't cross my mind to be upset. I fully understood he couldn't take them into the mens, which would likely be full of drunks.

Shopping centres that have decent family facility's are brilliant and we need more all in units with space for parent and multiple kids.

Again, if a man is taking his three daughters all under the age of 8 to a casino which would be likely full of drunks Hmm he should be making better parenting choices a plan beforehand about what he’s going to do if they need to loo, that doesn’t involve him invading women’s spaces.
Barbarantia · 22/01/2022 16:14

Men need to honestly advocate for better toileting facilities for themselves. And for better behaviour when in private.

MajesticElephant · 22/01/2022 16:14

Like a PP I am surprised people think it’s ok to send a 4-5 year old into the toilets alone. It is nothing like school, it’s a public space and there could be anyone, including males who shouldn’t be, there.

bluebird3 · 22/01/2022 16:13

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.

SavoyCabbage · 22/01/2022 16:13

I can summarise it for you if you like.

The general consensus was that no, of course a man can't come into the woman's toilets. They are for women.

Lots of men look after their children and don't need to access the women's toilets to do so. Men looking after their own children is not a new concept.

Men should campaign for parents toilets if that's something they want.

Most women agreed that they would ask him to leave if they encountered him in the ladies and that the experience of such confrontation might be more traumatic for the OP's dd than the glimpse of a urinal. Or indeed a good old stare at a urinal.

The OP said she didn't care and neither did her husband and he would be doing it anyway.

It's strange that she asked really.

Barbarantia · 22/01/2022 16:13

Hein ?

Dear women, budge up. Men have figured out that your toilets are convenient in multiple scenarios so you need to make way.

What am I reading?

MiniatureHotdog · 22/01/2022 16:12

No, he must use the mens. My primary and tween age DDs sometimes use the women's toilets alone, absolutely not OK for them to be faced with a man in there. I only allow them to use the toilets alone if they're single sex.

VelvetChairGirl · 22/01/2022 16:10

I wouldnt bat an eyelid he has a valid reason to be there.

I take my son into the ladies with me, he is now 11, no one has moaned if they do I will tell thm he is SEN and gets frightened in the mens and there is no way on earth I would go in the mens with him.

TidyDancer · 22/01/2022 16:09

@ladygindiva

We have 5 yo twin girls and dp does not feel right going into ladies toilets when he's out with them alone. He always uses the disabled toilets.
Why isn't he using the men's toilets?

This is the crux of the problem, while men think there is an alternative (even when it's actually not an acceptable alternative to the majority of people), the facilities available to them will neither expand not get any better.

In the instance in the above post, the accessible toilet is no more appropriate than the women's.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/01/2022 16:08

I don't know anyone who would send a 4&5yo alone into busy public toilets. I thought my younger DD was a little young at 7 but that 7&9yos were better together than the 9yo by herself. The actual using the toilet is the easy bit, its the locks, flushes, sinks etc. And dealing with people who shouldn't be there.

Original poster
MattDillonsEyebrows · 22/01/2022 16:05

@SavoyCabbage

This has already been posted three months ago. Except the op was pregnant. The calling out, the urinals, the filthy fears, it's all the same.
That wasn't me, sorry @SavoyCabbage. I never actually thought to check if there was already a thread. Blush
OP posts:
Original poster
MattDillonsEyebrows · 22/01/2022 16:04

At 4 and 5 can't they manage on their own. Presumably they do at school

A few people have said this, the conversation came about as we were discussion motorway service stations, which tend to be busy and you wouldn't want children that age going in by themselves.
But also I would also argue that in most cases a 4 & 5 year old can't manage on their own. My four yo couldn't wipe their bottom properly after a poo as their arms aren't long enough. At school, on the rare occasion they poo there, they tend to come home with messy pants.
Also I have rarely been to places in public, where there are sinks, taps and soap in easy reach of a five year old. I have to lift both my children to the sinks and they are not small for their ages.

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/01/2022 16:04

(Not entirely sure why there would be kids in a casino environment, but if they were there, I think you would potentially expect drunk men milling about, so like@jay55, you'd instantly get it and wouldn't be upset.)

Again though you do have to wonder why the dad's would be taking his kids, particularly girls as that's what presents the "problem " somewhere you thought they'd be drunks killing about. Go to a coffee shop buy a milkshake and a toasties to share and use their facilities or something.

What is it they think everyone else does?

HardbackWriter · 22/01/2022 16:00

I don't really understand what difference it makes if the children are male or female? But in any case, no he can't use the women's toilets.

There was a dad who thought he could use the women's changing rooms at the swimming pool to change his daughters when I used to take DS1 to baby swimming. I had to complain.