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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Dad taking daughters into the ladies or disabled toilets

260 replies

MattDillonsEyebrows · 22/01/2022 14:32

If a dad was on his own with two daughters ages 4 & 5, would you have an issue with him going into the ladies toilets with them? He says he would call out, that he is a man, and coming in with his daughters and would stay in a cubicle, and also call out when leaving the cubicle. But obviously he would need to use the sinks to wash hands.

Or would you suggest he uses the disabled toilets instead?

The reason he doesn't want to use the mens, is a) them having to walk past urinals and strange men peeing, and b) due to the all too common state of men's toilets in general and even the sit down toilet usually has pee all over the seat and is generally disgusting and he doesn't want to subject his daughters to this.

I personally wouldn't have an issue with this because I agree with his reasons for not wanting to take his daughters in there, but obviously his presence would more than likely make some women feel uncomfortable which he would not want to do.

Disabled toilet is obviously another option, but having seen some of the disabled toilet threads on here, that would also cause an issue if a disabled person was waiting. Obviously a child, is unlikely to be able to wait.

Please nobody retort with 'well the fact that men's toilet's are filthy isn't the women's problem' or similar as, whilst I agree with this sentiment, unfortunately they do tend to be gross and changing that would take huge societal change which let's face it, is not likely to happen soon.

OP posts:
PickledPeppa · 22/01/2022 14:46

The dad needs to get into the habit of carrying a pack of anti-bac wipes when he's out with his daughters.

The women's toilets aren't there for males who happen to find them more convenient than using the men's.

NuffSaidSam · 22/01/2022 14:46

I think he has to take them to the mens. Or send them to the women's on their own (together but without him).

I don't think men's toilets are as bad as you describe in places where they're cleaned regularly, like theatres/museums/restaurants etc. They're like you describe in pubs and similar, but is he regularly taking two young girls to the pub/a club? It seems unlikely!

hereforthechat · 22/01/2022 14:45

I personally wouldn't mind if I was in the ladies and a man came in with his daughters. Also think it would be ok to use disabled.. probably the option I would go for if I was him.

PurplePeculiar · 22/01/2022 14:42

I don't think currently there's an acceptable solution until more businesses have family toilets. I don't think using the disabled loos or the women's loos is ok, no, for lots of reasons. But - would I personally be upset if he came into the ladies as you described, no probably not. Would I be upset if a male identifying as female came in - yes without a doubt.

HerRoyalHappiness · 22/01/2022 14:42

Absolutely no to him using womens or disabled toilets.
As a disabled woman how dare anyone think its ok to give away access to my hard fought for toilets to anyone that doesn't fancy taking their kid to the mens. My daughter used mens toilets when with her dad until she was 6 and isn't traumatised by it. Dad can clean off the loo before daughter uses it. It's not that big a deal.

TurquoiseBaubles · 22/01/2022 14:40

And you might not like people saying it, but "'well the fact that men's toilet's are filthy isn't the women's problem" - it's not.

SuperSleepyBaby · 22/01/2022 14:39

I can’t imagine this happening! My husband has brought my 2 daughters to the mens when he is out with them as they are still young. It doesn’t seem to have been a major issue for him or then?

NothingTraLaLa · 22/01/2022 14:39

When the DC were younger, DH used to take them into the men’s. He wouldn’t have dreamed of going into the ladies.

By the time DD was at school and so had a smidgen of independence he would send her into the ladies on her own and hover around outside - if she was a bit slow in coming out he would ask a woman going into/coming out to check up on her.

TurquoiseBaubles · 22/01/2022 14:39

He can absolutely NOT go into the women's toilets. Just because you are ok with this doesn't mean that other women will be.

What he needs to do is what women did in the past, and what disabled people did more recently. Campaign for additional toilets for families (or go to places where there are family toilets - M&S here do).

If there are no family toilets he takes wipes and cleaning products and cleans the cubicle that he is taking his daughters to - as we will all have to do once mixed sex toilets are the only option Angry

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/01/2022 14:37

I actually think its an inappropriate lesson to his daughters that womens boundaries don't matter.
Additionally, there are likely to be unattended girls in there not much older who are unable to stand up for themselves, whose own fathers/male relatives are waiting outside. These are the most vulnerable in that situation.

The answer is for family toilets. (And for men to learn to keep their toilets clean).

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