How can I, as an individual transwoman, can make a stand against the TRA avalanche?

I think it's bloody cheeky coming on to a feminist board as a male and getting us to explain what work they and other males should be doing. It's just transferring the mental load back to females.

I'd compare it to a (white) former racist going onto black Mumsnet and asking the users there what they can do to atone for their sins. It's just shifting the burden to the oppressed group rather than actually bothering to think about it, and to really dissect how you personally contributed to the problem and how your current behaviour may still be problematic. All you're really doing is saying "look at me, look how wonderful I am, aren't I great now" it's all performative and lacks and real conviction or substance. It's certainly not for the victims of past/present behaviour.

By all means come on and show support, but OP has proven with several posts they don't really give a flying pigs fart about feminism, they are purely to use us to validate their experience. The user's falling over themselves to fawn over OP are just playing into the performance.

I've lurked here a long time and have learned to take anyone claiming naivety or solidarity with a huge dose of suspicion. They are usually either a) out for screenshots or b) using the women of FWR as part of their performance

I think that when a transwoman comes on & says they’re on our side, it’s all too easy to get excited, give them the benefit of the doubt
I don't think that there is anything wrong with giving people the benefit of the doubt. I, for one, don't want to descend into tribal us-versus-them.
I admit, though, that OP didn't live up to hopes.

Maybe really centre your posts on the trans bit of transwoman description. Celebrating diversity, difference and supporting others in the challenges of what it means to be trans. Putting forward honesty and not having to pretend to be anything different from what you are which is not biologically female but someone who identifies with the purely social indicators that are deemed feminine within our society (which are actually a social construct but it is what it is).

There is absolutely no requirement for females to centre the male experience (in life, or on a feminist board).

This bears repeating.

I think that when a transwoman comes on & says they’re on our side, it’s all too easy to get excited, give them the benefit of the doubt, even fawn over them a bit. And there’s nothing to stop them posting here. But ultimately FWR isn’t here to support men - however they identify. And Tinsel provides an important reminder of that.

I think given that OP has admitted to making their former partner suffer and to having AGP on other threads, @TinselAngel is providing a much needed counter viewpoint to some of the claims offered.

I lurked on some of the other threads by OP and saw how dismissive they were about how they treated their partner, and to the women of this board in general.

Whilst I'm sure OP has struggled throughout life, it's important that on a FEMINIST board that the female perspective in all of this considered. There is absolutely no requirement for females to centre the male experience (in life, or on a feminist board). Quite frankly OP, it's not up to females to solve your male centered problems. We are not human shields, or assistants to dump the mental load on to. You need to be speaking to males about what they should be doing to "widen the bandwidth of what it means to be male" and accept you into the sex based spaces you rightly belong. It is not up to women to solve these problems for you.

I think Tinsel is taking a very thoughtful, careful and compassionate line towards women affected by these topics, which is what I'd expect on a feminist message board. So yes, predictable and very welcome.

As you always say, Datun, "think of the lurkers"

[quote TinselAngel] If so why are you (as I think the OP already pointed out to you) continuing to engage on this thread? Why?

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consciousness_raising[/quote]
Exactly. It's a public service.

The narrative of transwidows bears almost zero similarity to that of their partners with AGP.

If so why are you (as I think the OP already pointed out to you) continuing to engage on this thread? Why?

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consciousness_raising

Would you ever in any circumstances give someone in the OP's position the benefit of the doubt?

Somehow I doubt it.

If so why are you (as I think the OP already pointed out to you) continuing to engage on this thread? Why?

I'd strongly recommend women don't DM posters who want to tell you more about their AGP.

I think that there are quite a large number of posters who are wary of threads such as these. And rightly from experience.

They do tend to follow a pattern about just who they are centring and the tone used when women disagree.

Well that went off the rails quite quickly and turned aggressive.
Thank you, Tinsel.

Oh, I don't think Tinsel is self-appointed. Her role has been thrust upon her. And she's more of a reminder of certain realities than a 'gatekeeper'.

Of course open to all. But certainly not up to new posters to comment on whether, or what or which threads, established users post.

Suggest you lurk for a few months, read the 'break it down for me' threads, and then keep a much lower profile if your intentions are genuine.

I have a sneaky feeling you might find that rather difficult through...

“Raise the hackles” - blimey.

TBH, your original thread was very much “me, me, me”. And a lot of it was questioning what it would take for trans women to be granted access to female spaces. Your comments regarding your wife were fairly throwaway.

On this thread, I’m finding it fairly difficult to get any reading at all of what you want to achieve. Your answers are fairly short, you’re not really giving much away, yet you are coming across (to me, I can’t speak for everyone) as quite aggressive.

The worst point for me is that a woman has said that you are making them feel uncomfortable. And your response to that is to be sneering, sarcastic and dismissive. That speaks volumes.

I’d suggest trying to show a bit more respect, be clearer with your answers, and actually engage and discuss serious issues. I’d be happy to see them, but haven’t seen anything of substance yet.

It’s interesting to note the lack of engagement from others on this thread. Women here aren’t stupid.

I am sympathetic to you Tinsel but I do wonder whether you role as self appointed 'gatekeeper' of all feminist threads really fits into the MN ethos

You really think you're the right person to comment on MN's ethos? Sounds a bit mansplainy to me....

Not sure what advice to give - because you moment you put your head above the parapet you'll be shot down in flames. But just wanted to say that, as a mother, I'm so so grateful to have you on our side . I really worry about the welfare and safety of vulnerable kids.