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Original poster

Disagreement with husband about trans debate

437 replies

HermioneKipper · 03/01/2022 00:57

Had people around for dinner and somehow got on to the topic of women’s spaces, being gender critical, the current debate around JKR.

After they left was discussing further with my husband and it turns out he thinks my views are extreme and I’ve “gone too far.”

He agrees that trans women who haven’t had surgery have no place in women’s spaces but thinks that if they’ve had gender reassignment surgery then they should be allowed into women’s spaces and called women.

I disagree with this and think that people cannot change sex and no male born people should be allowed into women’s spaces under any circumstances.

He said he thinks I’m too radical and shouldn’t think this way about a marginalised group 😡

I can’t believe we disagree so fundamentally on this and I’m so upset about it.

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 03/01/2022 01:26

Ask him if this means that's he's pigeonholing you - his own wife - as a ladybrained individual. Does he realize this sort of neurosexist bs not too long ago was used to keep women - not *women - out of higher education/away from the ballot box. Ask him why you should accept having your own identity mansplained to by him on behalf of other males.

Original poster
HermioneKipper · 03/01/2022 01:20

I think he realises that logistically this would be impossible but thinks on principle that they should be considered women/allowed into some spaces if they’ve had full surgery - ie no penis

OP posts:
Enough4me · 03/01/2022 01:18

If he agrees that selfID is wrong, what ID is right (a wig?)?
Who will police the women's loos, hospital wards, prisons etc. to ensure the male appendage has been chopped off?

Original poster
HermioneKipper · 03/01/2022 01:16

@Nathlash

Does he plan to check their genitals before they’re admitted to women’s spaces? Where does he stand on men’s crimes being recorded as by women because of self-ID? On prizes meant to rectify women’s marginalisation in certain fields being open to men with ‘feelings’?
He agreed on the crimes issues and how they’re recorded.

Agreed that transwomen should never compete in women’s sports regardless of surgery

OP posts:
Waitwhat23 · 03/01/2022 01:15

Very easy for him to say when it doesn't actually impact him at all. It's not up to him to decide who gets to access women's single sex spaces.

Deadringer · 03/01/2022 01:15

Like many men, he hasn't a fucking clue.

Original poster
HermioneKipper · 03/01/2022 01:15

@unwashedanddazed

Ask him how one is supposed to know which have had surgery and which haven't?
Well exactly. Apparently we have to trust them given all the steps they’ve taken. And that they’re not a threat to women given they’ve had their penises removed.

He agreed that self id isn’t right however.

OP posts:
Original poster
HermioneKipper · 03/01/2022 01:13

I just hate that we fundamentally disagree on something so important.

We’ve always been very much on the same page politically/ideologically etc. And I’m upset that he thinks so little of me that he would think I could ever be bigoted about anything.

I’ve had a few glasses of wine so I could be making a meal out of it but I’m genuinely really upset

OP posts:
Nathlash · 03/01/2022 01:12

Does he plan to check their genitals before they’re admitted to women’s spaces? Where does he stand on men’s crimes being recorded as by women because of self-ID? On prizes meant to rectify women’s marginalisation in certain fields being open to men with ‘feelings’?

unwashedanddazed · 03/01/2022 01:10

Ask him how one is supposed to know which have had surgery and which haven't?

Aquamarine1029 · 03/01/2022 01:08

Agree to disagree and move on with your life.

ldontWanna · 03/01/2022 01:06

They're not in his space so he doesn't really get it.